So today is our everyother Thursday.....
It is the day we are to get SS so BM and SD can go get their hair done. We have religious committments we go to tonight and BM is to pick up SS from where we are on her way home. Here comes the anxiety. I asked DH what was the deal with tonight, as I usually pick up SS from school and bring him home, fed him, and get him dressed before we go. On a side note, I have asked that SS be dressed in decent clothes because of where we go on Thursday nights. Last time she sent him in her football team t-shirt and holy (no pun intended) jeans. *sigh* Anyway, DH said he has a BBall game tonight at 10 and the night is going to be tight. I specifically did not inquire about whether we....no scratch that.....whether HE was getting SS. It is NOT my issue and I am taking myself out of the equation. It is both DH and BM M.O. to wait till the last minute to discuss anything, but again, not my issue. I have made up my mind that if we are to get SS we are taking 2 vehicles. This way when she doesn't show up to get SS as usual I can not be bothered by it, instead taking my children and I home. I have made this "suggestion" before stating the reason for self preservation before and DH got a tude......this time it will not be a suggestion but the PLAN! I will write later to update as to what is going on. It is almost getting comical and I feel so much better in even the posibility of problesm now that I have found this site! whewwwwwwww.......yeah!!!!!!
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Good job.
I would let DH know that once he is able to insure that BM will dress SS in appropriate clothes and be on time, then you can go back to taking one vehicle. Until then, it really is his problem. You never know, maybe he will enjoy the one on one time with his son...
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
ABSOLUUUUUUTLY!!!!!
The nice thing about even taking one car if she picks him up on time is he has to take SS out to give him to BM, so I still don't have to see her evil a**, which is my current goal. I don't need to see her, where she lives or even the car she drives....I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE! Yeah for me and thanks for the kudos! Feels good to impower myself again!
Nothing comes easy thats worth fighting for.....thats what they tell me!
WOOOOOO HOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So CG, Sai and all........I am not really sure WHAT happened tonight, but I didn't ask cause I DON'T CARE!!!!!! I am just floating on cloud right now. Ok, so for whatever reason we didn't get SS tonight. I am not sure why not cause I never brought it up. The only thing I said as we were going out of the door to out Thursday committment was to remind him to have BM pack SS(5) clothes for the coming weekend. I know if he didn't do it tonight, she wouldn't do it tomorrow. Anyway, that was it. He had a BBall game at 10:15 tonight (this is not usual, it was a make-up game) so he suggested we take 2 vehicles due to him needing to go right to the game.
and I was all with that. So afterwards my BK and I gave kisses to DH and hoped him well in his game. On our way home we stopped and got wings and hot fudge sundays. Now I am sitting here eating the wings, drinking a beer and watching American Idol on Tivo.....can life get much better than right this second????? I almost feel single again for a minute.....HA HA HA.....not to mention that I decided to go have a massage today before I came home! I feel so AMAZING. Not to mention that I am finding things to complain about cause DH and I have been doing ok since I refuse to acknowledge that BM exsists! HA HA HA. of course I am holding on tight to all this cause tomorrow if THE weekend and DH already said SD had Physical therapy Saturday at 930 AM (WHAT IS THE BM THINKING???????).but, not my deal! He will have to take her and that is that, nothing else. Whew.pray for me...........
Night all!!!
Nothing comes easy thats worth fighting for.....thats what they tell me!
doesnt it feel good
to be free of all the weight.
you have been liberated!!
LOL
keep us updated on the weekend.
good luck
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
strength in numbers
this site has given me the strength and the will power to be myself and to get back some of the things I gave up b/c of skids.
you are doing the only sane thing you can do!!
keep up the positive outlook!!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
I agree totally!
I am soooo thankful for this site, to know I am not crazy, or acting selfishly....ok, maybe the needed selfishness.....
It feels good to feel positive again!
Nothing comes easy thats worth fighting for.....thats what they tell me!
Kinda had this issue
About DH and BM discussing things last minute. I made a BIG thing out of this. I told him MANY times....I could give a sh!t about what he does with the kid on his visitation weekends..BUT, because I'm his wife (or at the time, fiancee), it affects my life too so I have to care. I hated DH and BM making decisions. DH learned to tell BM he'd have to discuss it with me to make sure there isn't anything else going on. Sometimes he'll make the decision when he knows that I'll agree with it. We've gotten into sooooo many fights about this.
Clothing - yes, there was an issue with this too. In the beginning (SD was at a private school), BM would pack SD's clothes. When she started at a public school, BM stopped because she said SD couldn't carry it. BM started calling DH to come over her house to pick up clothes for SD...psssh, she probably just wanted to see him. She made an issue about clothes before. I texted her asking what size SD wore. She responded that she wanted SD to go shopping with DH for the BONDING experience, wTF. Whatever, DH and I got into arguments/conversations about this occurring. Whenever BM asks him to go to her house to get clothes, he declines and says that we have clothes for her here. Yes, money out of our pocket...but peace of mind of less interaction with BM.
eyah.....I feel your pain.....
But I have felt sooooooooo different this week after being on this site. I have new found empowerment. Yes, these last minute decisions between DH and BM can work a last nerve, but I am at the point where I won't deal with it any longer. For example, Winter school break. I take that week off to do things with my BK and extended family. DH and BM of course, as usual, waited till the day break started to discuss the SK's being with us (she always tries to have us keep them on these extended breaks from school). I told DH that my BK's and I were going to my aunts house the 26th and the SK's could stay until the night of the 25th (we don't celebrate holidays). I told him if BM needed them to stay out the week that was fine and I would understand him not joining us at my aunts house. DONE! That was it. End of discussion. He informed BM that he would be bringing them home the night of the 25th. He did join my BK's and I afterall. This is my stance from now on. I will make MY plans and DH/BM will have to either work around them, or he will have to be the dad and do what he needs to do.
As for the clothes issue........I have always bought the SK's clothes out of my own money. I was fine doing it with my SS as we started getting him at 6 months old and I wanted to have enough clothes without having to deal with BM. as for my SD, I did this at the beginning so she could have clothes at our house, as the clothes that she packed were inappropriete as far as DH and I were concerned. I even bought SD her first bras cause BM wouldn't/didn't and she needed them. What ended up happening was SD took everything I bought her back to BM house and she was left with nothing at our house anyway. She would never bring back the clothes I bought her no matter how many times either I or DH asked her to or just told her to leave them at our house. I no longer buy her anything for our house outside of toothbrush, deoderant, and feminine products. This last weekend she brought CFM (Come F* Me) boots and had them on Sunday to go to Religious services. DH told her how inappropriete they were period let alone to go to RS wearing. She got an attitude with him, and I stayed out of it completely (altho I am sorry, but I was LMAO!) cause he now sees what I have been dealing with as the "mom".
I say let DH take back the responsibility of being the parent and take SD shopping, using HIS money. The thing I have come to realize is this......as long as we pick up the SK's, take them shopping and deal with thier crap for DH, DH will never realize what SK and BM are REALLY doing and getting away with. Let DH be inconvieninced for a change!
Nothing comes easy thats worth fighting for.....thats what they tell me!