What is SD problem?
My SD is a sneaky little liar. We have repetedly told her NO DRESSES TO SCHOOL IN WINTER!!! It is cold out. But what does she do? She sneaks her dress out of the house in her backpack, AGAIN, and changes at school.I figured the last time she got caught and grounded she would clue in...but NO!
I've had it. I don't know what to do. We constantly catch her in lies.
She's like a pi**ed off dog that pees on the floor when your gone. If she doesn't get something she goes and does something to make us mad.
Our rules don't matter. The punishments don't matter.
I am going to take the dam dress and throw it out. Maybe that will get through.
Jeez she's only 12. What is she going to be like at 13 or 14. Please DH send her back to her BM. I can't take it anymore.
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I understand how you feel
If you are anything like me, it doesn't matter what you want a 12/13/14/18 to do, they will do the opposite just to get a rise. My daughter thinks I'm cool in private and embarrasing in public. I don't think that it is a SD thing exclusively. (Even though I HAD a Switch like that).
You are in charge, take all the dresses out of her room and put them up or burn them or whatever. It sounds like a power struggle. Everything is a challenge to her right now. The challenges are still small now, I wish I could tell you that they will stay small, but in my case they didn't. Challenges usually esculate to daddy's favorite. But, keep in mind, hubby chose you out of free will! Don't let SD little games get you uptight, try to laugh it off - or get dog dirty and put her in her place now. I wish I would have put my SD in her place much sooner than I did.
Here for ya!
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Somebody once said to me...
A child(and that is what she is) has no choices. You are the parent and you choose what is best for them. A rule is rule and if she can't follow a the rules then she gets punished. Next thing you know she'll choose to take the car for a spin. And what could be her consequence with that? Death? Severe injury? It may be an extreme example but it's they way I think.
It is a power struggle. But it shouldn't be. What a parent says should be LAW. No ums or buts about it.
"Life's tough, but it's tougher if your stupid"
My mother says stuff, like, If it was me,
then I wouldn't put up with it, bla bla bla. Truth is that she wouldn't !! I KNOW !! But what she fails to understand that these days, the kids have way more power than what we ever did. Parents now are almost fearful of kids telling thier teachers of something and the reprocutions of such event.
It would be great to be a kid these days !! Death, severe injury, do you really think that would be the Kid's fault, hell no, it would be the parents. SAD HUH !
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Testing
I think at that age they are testing their boundaries- hell my kids do that - they test it seems like every so often they get a hair cross ways and want to push the lines. I guess being consistant with punishment are important.
and taking the dress will help also. lol
good luck
I agree with Vickiemac
Let her wear the dress and freeze her butt off. Some lessons are best learned through experience. Is a fight over whether or not she can wear a dress in the winter really worth the aggravation it brings you?
I agree too
Let her freeze. Maybe she will learn but maybe she won't. Natural consequences sometimes have to be learned over and over again before you figure it out.
I have to wear mittens in the winter or my fingers crack and bleed and hurt like hell. But do you think I always wear mittens, no I suffer everytime. It's not like I don't have them, I just forget or figure its not that cold or I will only be outside for a minute.
Inappropriate Clothes
Swins refuse to wear coat in winter, one swin runs out (while I was bbsit) w/short, t-shirt & barefeet & ran up the street. I yelled GET BACK HERE! He came back & immediately said "what's you problem..."
2nd time he's gone out in the snow like that. Guaranteed to upset me but he doesn't feel the cold or what? DH said They're Boys, YOu Don't Get It. Great. I can expecty no help from him. So I decided I'm not going to care if they "like" me anymore, but focus on if I "like" them because I matter the absolute most in the short & long term. Its my way or the highway when I bbsit. Told DH he can make diff. work hrs. or hire outside sitter if he's uncomfortable w/me being in charge. But darn it, they undermined my self-esteem by never listening to me & sassing/lieing/fighting so I'm showing them my finer qualities now. I get some initial ruff but they quiet down knowing they can't manipulate me b.c. I'm SM.
She
sounds pissed off. There is a power stuggle of mammoth proportions going on here. It is a tug-a-war & one of you will end up in the mud. Let go of the rope (let her freeze her @ss off). You have 6 more years of this & she will be getting stronger. Your battle plan has to be consistent, cunning & emotionless.
I dont think it is
I dont think it is about the dress. Take it from someone who dealt with this situation for WAAAAAAY to long, it's about respect. Obviously she has no respect for you or rules. Yes, all kids (especially) preteens and teens are going to push to see how far they can get, BUT if you don't let them know early on that you don't care what the "teachers" at school think and you will discipline her any way you see fit, she will continue to try to control the situation. I know exactly how you feel and hope that you can get control of the situation before it gets out of hand like mine did. I agree with stepwitch, it will not get any easier. I think the most important thing here is to get Dh involved and let him take away the dresses. I have had to go so far as to take everything not seasonally appropriate out of SD room and box it up in the attic, sad I know. I wish you luck!
No it's not about the dress..
Robinson3433 is right. It has nothing to do with the dress. The dress is todays straw. It has everything to do with respect. She is one of those kids that push and push and push. She needs to know now that it is not the right course of action.
I have let her stand out side, waiting for the bus, in 3 feet of snow and freezing cold to let her see the consequence. And guess what the next day when it was colder and more snow, she expected me to let her wear her sneakers again.
And the older she gets the more freedom she will earn. And when she is ready to move out on her own she will be as prepared for it as we were at that time.
"Life's tough, but it's tougher if your stupid"