Disengaging with one out of 2 SD?
I am trying to picture my disengagement in action as far as how it affects the other kids in the family, 2 SD close, 1BS and 1BS (bios are mine with my ex) I hope I am using the right abbreviations...basically 2 separate sets of kids who all lived here until one young adult got an apartment in the normal course of life and the other has threatened she is not coming home from college for the most ridiculous reason I won't go into here (honestly would make things more peaceful around here for everyone).
Usually we have all done at least a portion of each holiday together, if the holiday involves presents, I've usually done the work of purchasing them and trying to keep things even. Didn't matter-there was always a criticism, actually even more criticism the year their Dad chose their gifts and I chose the gifts for my own kids now that I think of it. Ha-I am sure I got blamed for that too.
Anyway, I can't stomach the idea of spending one more minute around her, spent way too much time tip toeing around her already. She is either superficial or full of venom, makes me anxious thinking about it, but what do I do about the rest of the kids, especially the other SD who has done nothing wrong?
By the way, I hung in there for years, trying to take the high road, be the adult, etc. It's taken such a toll of me mentally and physically, I am just done. How do holidays look for those of you who have disengaged from only one of many kids/young adults?
PS-still finding my way around the site, not sure how to find my old posts. The topic of this one might overlap with one of my previous posts.
We worked it ok. My SDs and
We worked it ok. My SDs and SS lived with BM and, once OSD flounced off never to return, the others kept coming. Of course one had to be careful never to refer to the issues as they would then suffer from divided loyalty, but I had the good fortune that -- in the showdown between OSD, DH and me just before she stormed out, it was clear to me from the looks on their faces and small comments they dared make that YSD and SS thought she was being irrational. Since then, they grew up and flew the nest, went to college and then of course it was even easier as it was rare that they were all here or on holiday with us at once. So the absence of OSD was not a problem. Now she has started to make overtures towards me I imagine there will be times that they are all 3 here together and what I suppose I would do then was try to get DH to talk to the ok ones and get them to understand that there could be difficult times but that they should try not to get involved. And of course, my idea would be never never to criticise OSD in front of them to to them -- it's a taboo like criticising BM.