How much parenting advice do you give to your SO?
I'm starting to put the pieces together a bit more in the household and my issue isn't so much with SK as a person but my SO's crappy parenting skills. I disengaged hard just before Christmas because I just got so exhausted from nagging 3 kids and an adult. I stated the rules (if something is left out for longer than a day, it goes in the trash) and have followed through. Things have been a bit better in terms of SO picking up after his kid, but it's the parenting that I'm really struggling with. I told him he lacks consistency and he needed to set boundaries with his kid. He did a bit but there's still a long way to go and I just think that SO doesn't actually SEE the things that are happening.
This morning. SK is told by his dad to go tidy his room. SK walks away and watches tv for a while. (having the tv on in the background is another thing I can't stand) Sk goes to talk to his Dad. He's told to go tidy his room. SK says he "doesn't waaaaaaaaant to". He's told again. SK goes and starts playing a guitar in his room...
There's never any follow through which is leading to a brat that doesn't listen, EVER.
Dinner last night. "Dinner is ready, go wash your hands and come sit at the table" (To everyone). My youngest 
scurries, and sits, and I serve him his meal. My eldest heads off to the washroom. SK whines: "When's dinner ready?" Keep in mind, my littlest is already half way through his food at this point.
It's frustrating because I want to...no, NEED TO... step away from parenting SK because all I do is nag and ask him to do stuff that no one else does (like pick up your shit!) and it's going to develop a rotten relationship. If SO parented his child, I could actually work on bonding with the friggin' kid. But me sitting here nagging SO about his parenting puts me in a sh!t spot too. 
Any answers I don't see here?
How much parenting advice do
How much parenting advice do I give my SO? not much. I tend to keep my trap buttoned these days. I was in a good position to give parenting advice - having raised two hard working daughters to nearly adulthood by the time I met him and SDs age 5 and 7. However, he used to get very irritable with me when I'd suggest (tactfully) a different approach to the one he was using.
He indulged his daughters (IMO) far too much, and, along with NPD BM, turned them into entitled snowflakes. Fortunately, the younger one has actually developed a work ethic. The elder - now nearly 23 - still has hardly ever worked and expects others to bankroll her while she enjoys life. He constantly makes excuses for her and says I am always negative about her. Hardly surprising really that I have very little positive to say about her.
When dh wasn't following
When dh wasn't following through with ss, I started stepping in with "your dad said..."
I would also get direct with dh when ss wasn't listening.
"ss isn't doing as you asked. What are you going for; time out or cartoons taken away?"
It was clear that I expected a consequence.
I don't have to say anything anymore.
Ohmylanta, i just googled
Ohmylanta, i just googled Disney Dad about this very thing. Its like if you say anything youre the bad guy. Someone has to be the adult. I can only disengage so much when the house is a wreck.
I don't disengage over shared
I don't disengage over shared household areas for the most part...kitchen, living/dining, entryway. I ask all people to clean up. If there's no effort made to clean it by anyone else, I start throwing stuff away or giving it to charity. I will let stuff stack up in the kitchen (so difficult to do, I know)...I won't cook or spend any time in there if it's a mess and I didn't help create it.
Same issue here - I don't say
Same issue here - I don't say ANYTHING unless he asks. Then if he does ask, I preface it with "Do you want to hear my opinion or are you looking for advice or just want to talk?"
Invariably if I give advice or opinion he'll get all PO'd about it.
Then I remind him he asked me, I gave.
And then I'm done.
He rarely asks any more.
Latest thing for me this weekend (knowing I don't clean, monitor, stock items, or help with the SDs bathroom but for making sure the hair is out of the tub area) was noticing their hand soap is empty. For how long? Who knows? They NEVER say anything when they need something...toothpaste, soap, TP, etc. DH was using their sink to wash his hands, figured out there was no soap. Instead of actually putting soap there, he just replaced the empty container. So that guarantees no hand-washing moving forward. Great!
I noticed my SD was starting
I noticed my SD was starting to dislike me, or so it seems, because i'm always on her about stuff. My husband's pretty great at dicipline but he also forgets or doesn't notice things I notice. So I've started blaming him instead of asking SD6 to do anything... for example...
Doesn't your dad want your room to stay clean? maybe you should get it done so he's not upset when he gets home
Would your dad be happy with you not washing your hands?
Shouldn't you do what dad asked you to do?
And so on lol it seems to be working. And if he's home and SD6 leaves a mess somewhere or something, i just say "who left XYZ here? whoever it was, pick it up!" and then my husband will usually realize and say "Wasn't me, SD pick that up" this tricks my fav cause DH can't accuse me of making him do all the parenting...
I have a unique situation where my DH wants me to be SDs mother but doesn't realize that she doesn't want that. She's honestly starting to hate me for parenting her, but DH won't believe it. So i've found ways around parenting her.
Ok, I'm glad I'm not the only
Ok, I'm glad I'm not the only one. And yes, it's exactly that; in the bad guy one way or another!
I might ask SO what he wants and leave it at that. Do you want me to mention when I see something that needs to be addressed, or do you want me to leave it? Because if he wants me to point things out to him, I will. If he's confident in his *ahem* "parenting", then I'll leave it too.ill just remained guiltlessly disengaged.
Last weekend the SK called his dad's name (well, "daddy") 6 times. SO didnt answer, so SK whined it (DADDEEEEEYUHHHHH) he responded right away. And I wonder why it's like living with Caillou.
Caillou is banned in our
Caillou is banned in our home. We friggin hate that show. GD used to love it, but we pointed out to DD that no one is that over-involved with babying their child, helicopter parenting to the extreme. It seemed to create a little kid fantasy that the whole world revolves around one kid.
Killjoy used to do that, up until very recently. "Dad...dad...dad...dad...dad...dad...dad...dad...dad...dad...". So I started repeating "dad" every time she said it. Then DH would yell at both of us and I would LOL. She'd get a look like she was the victim of some intolerable cruelty, but now she doesn't do it anymore. It would have gone on forever.
One thing I never got involved with was the SK's bedroom. Just close the door. As long as it's not attracting mice and roaches, let him live in a sty if his father allows it. You don't have to look at it.
If he's given a task and can't tear himself away from the tv, shut it off. I did that. It didn't matter who else was also watching it. Tell them it's going off because SS isn't doing what he is told. Let them unleash hell on his ass too if they will. If they yell at you, threaten to cancel cable, or cut the cord off the tv.
My kids went months without tv when they were younger. I always found everyone got along better when the tv was disconnected. As adults, none of them have cable in their homes, and they rarely watch tv. They are all physically fit.
OMG this morning... SK:
OMG this morning...
SK: "daddy, before you pick me up from school, I want you to go to the store and get me up a donut."
Dad: says nothing.
:O I'm sorry but since when does the kid give instructions for ANYTHING?! As soon as something like a treat becomes an expectation, it no longer happens in 'my house' (meaning, with my kids).
I'm going crazy. He was whining so much and SO ignores it, so it goes on foreeeeeeever and escalates until he respond SS, which is exactly what NOT to do to stop it.
I told him this morning that he needed to get a hold of the whining because it's making me crazy and that it's like living with caillou. He said "oh yeah, we talked about that show". I said, "yeah, the one with the most Whitney, annoying kid ever!!" Then gave him a look. GAAAAAH
From day one I insisted on
From day one I insisted on being an equity parent to any kids in our marital home regardless of kid biology. We are equity life partners and that makes me an equity parent. Not that I had to insist. My incredible bride and I had already established that our life together would be as equity life partners.
As it turned out SS is the only kid on our marriage so we didn't have any joint BKs in our blended family adventure.
None
My boyfriend expects me to mind my own business and have no say, I don't think we will last.
Frustrating isn’t it??
The lack of respect, bad manners or even common decency that skids and the bio parent lack. Its not going out of your way to have the basic above, to be civil at home with your bio parent and their spouse, to clean up after yourselves, interact with other family members, eat what is served, speak kindly to others, having your partner bow down to the crazy unstable ex who shouldn’t have procreated in the first place with the lack of standards they had raising kids.
i got so frustrated once i actually asked hubby if he had standards in raising kids because it obviously seems not. He said he was so offended, i told him i couldn’t care less, its the truth.
i can’t wait for my 2 kids to grow up and speak their minds and tell off hubby about the kind of people their half siblings are and how i’m treated and daddy does nothing about it really upsets them