Today has been rough for me. Being a mom and sharing my kids has not got one single bit easier over the past 11 years. My daughter who is now on her own has been difficult for me to accept. My son who is now 13 is looking more to his dad for fun. I feel like I'm loosing them. Then I have the 4 skids. One hating my every breath and my every movement. I have been fighting tears today over my biological daughter and her efforts to keep her father close to her. I work so hard to make sure she has everything she needs. I call her every day. I send her little care packages with just little things I think she may be needing. We talk every single day and I value that like it's gold. I miss her terribly. I guess my hurt comes from me thinking she takes me for granted. Her father makes NO effort for her affection. In fact he pretty much just ignores her unless he is pist off at her for something. She will send him text after text trying to connect with him and gets nothing in return. Then he will randomly call her because he needs a "ride" home from being out drinking. His birthday is coming up and she went through all this effort to create him a book of memories. It is pictures of the two of them dating clear back to when she was a little girl up until now. Pages of pictures of her and that side of her family (which has been a nightmare) all these wonderful thank you's for everything you ever did for me and gave me and for loving me and I cherish every memory dad. I love you. OK OK I am all for her loving him and trying and working really hard at their relationship. I love her for giving all she has got to her dad. I guess I am hurt. I am hurt. I don't expect to get "things" from her. But me being the one who took care of her and who helped her get out of their house her senior year in high school due to alot of anger issues going on in the home with other people. From the mom who gives every single day of her life so I make sure there are no tears shed. To make sure she is secure, happy and a confident woman. I feel well honestly left out and taken for granted. I am sad today. I feel like I give 100% to the SD17 as well and well you all know how that is working. I had to cancel my engagement due to a SD17 who is a spoiled rotten brat. And I guess I find sanity and clarity in the fact that yes I am a good parent look at this wonderful daughter I have raised. And to feel as though it's not aknowledged just hurts me. Selfish I am sure as I should be grateful for all of our phone calls. All of the little things we have that I know her and her father won't have but part of me is hurt.
Maybe I'm just hurting all around. My SO is letting his daughter decide my fate on getting married. My daughter is letting her father make her try for both of them to have a relationship. I feel I am loosing my son who is now 13 and finding more in common with his dad then his dear old mom. I have no control over my life. It scares me. And makes me very sad.