He did what!?!?
Sorry to hog the boards, but one thing keeps leading to another and I SERIOUSLY need to vent.
So SD went to live with her BM...since then DH has been really closed off to me. He gets angry when I ask about SD so I try not to very often to avoid the backlash. He had mentioned that BM wanted temporary custody and I suggested we look into it before just signing it over. I was skeptical as to why after not seeing her daughter for 7 years she suddenly wanted custody (I figure she is seeing $$$).
He ended up signing custody over behind my back...he met with BM twice without telling me about it. On one occasion he took our kids with him to meet her. They are toddlers, they don't understand why Daddy met with another woman. We had decided together that SD would not take our DVD player to BM's with her. BM asked for a DVD player so DH gave it to her...without mentioning it to me. We picked out three blankets to send with SD...BM asked for a comforter so he sent it to her. He is letting BM call the shots without discussing things with me and he is essentially giving our things to her. He doesn't know if they are going to BM or SD. BM asks and he gives. BM asked for money and DH offered to help support her for 6 months...he doesn't have a job right now so he offered to support her with MY money without even talking to me about it first.
I am ticked he is making decisions that affect me without discussing it with me, I am ticked I raised this girl for 7 years (a couple years of that alone as he was deployed) and was the only mom she had and now suddenly I am kicked out of her life. He can't pick and choose when I am her mom and when I am not. I am also ticked that he has a history of cheating on me and he is meeting with BM without letting me know ahead of time, as our relationship agreement states, AND I am ticked he knew I wasn't comfortable with my kids being around BM and he took them around her anyways without even mentioning it to me.
He sees nothing wrong with what he did. Am I wrong here? Even if I hadn't been the one raising SD, I still think I should be included in major decisions as they affect me, too.
He can make all the decisions
He can make all the decisions he wants financially, but that doesn't mean you have to pay a thing. You control the money. Guess he'd better find some sort of job quick.
What things is he giving her? Why have you not rained terror on his ass yet? Ream him out good for this. Legally he is the only one who can make decisions about custody of his children, don't know what you can do there. I understand why you are upset, just don't have an answer for what you can really do.
but the money. No effing way. I'd tell him good luck with that.
All that going out with BM without letting you know? I'd be meeting with some man for whatever reason while he's out. Not saying cheat, I'm just saying tell him you were out with "Tim" having drinks. Let him think about it.
He has an addiction issue and
He has an addiction issue and is in recovery and was doing very well...but now we have a new trust issue. He asks permission before he responds to emails from women and I read everything and have all his passwords, etc. He has been very good for two years...we almost got divorced but I saw a change in him. Him going behind my back has me questioning all that though. I am not an emotionally abused woman anymore...I have the balls to do what I need to do for me. I am wondering if he is about to head back down the dark road...if so, I will NOT be going with him.
It sounds like you're trying
It sounds like you're trying to control everything he does and he is slowly pushing back.
The only thing you have complete control over is your money.
If you are the sole supporter
If you are the sole supporter in the house, you need to cut him off. No money should go to BM without a Court Order...Do not do this. It will be seen as a gift by a judge and he will get no credit for it.
Take his checkbook and ATM card today. Do not be a doormat for this situation.
As for your children, hell no do mine spend anytime w/ BM. Her influence is not needed in his life.
He isn't a serial cheater
He isn't a serial cheater anymore...he got professional help for his issues. But I obviously still have some trust issues as you can never get trust back 100% after you tarnish it. Him going behind my back just makes it worse.