Well, I haven't posted here in years but do read from time to time. A little background is I've been married for almost 7 years and am a custodial stepmom to SD15 and SD11, and husband and I have BS2. It was a long road in the beginning but things improved a lot after having our son. Then SD15 reached high school and there was a fight over where she would attend. DH has final say but we ended up back in court, spending thousands yet again. The BM went years with no involement to getting them EOW but she's just plain crazy. She's diagnosed bi-polar, refuses mediciation.

Regardless, SD15 wanted her. She said she'd tell a judge week on week off because she's missed all these years with her mom and she really needs her now that she's a teenager. Youngest said she doesn't want to go with her more. So we settled and let SD15 have her week on week off...but kept SD11 full time.

We are only a few months into this new routine with SD15 and the situation has gotten worse. Since she is with the BM more, SD15 and BM gang up on SD11 on her weekend visits. Example: SD11 said, "Mom - let's go out and have some fun today." BM's response: "I had fun with SD15 all week. If you had said you wanted to live with me then we could have fun too. Now we can't." Just recently it escalated further to a point of BM getting SD11 from school and yelling at her stating "SM is a F*ing Bitch and I want you to say it back to me. Why do you tell her and your dad things? She's the worst f*ing bitch I know..." At the end of this weekend visitation, SD11 asked to see the school counselor but SD15 cried to her mom and said "don't send me back to dad and that bitch."

How did it go from my doing everything a mom would do for a child to this in 4 months? I know BM is a bad influence but it hurts. SD15 also told my 2 year old that "Your Mommy is gross (over and over again until he said it to me)." But you'd never know based on her home behavior. She's like a stepford kid, she eats and will talk sweet. She just is AWFUL behind my back.

So now we are thinking to save our marriage and family, SD15 needs to just go with her BM full-time. It won't change them ganging up on SD11 but it may lessen it since she won't be spying in our home week to week which is what causes it.

Anyone been through similar? It truly is breaking my husband's heart and mine also. I went from loving this child to tolerance and I still care for her. I just don't think I have it in my heart to live with her anymore.