Before responding, PLEASE consider that YEARS of court battles and a LOT of money has already gone into this situation and to no avail and we are trying to make the best of a bad situation...

ss15 called last night and says he wants to move in with us. Long story short, he lives with his Grandparents, down the street from his bipolar mother, in another state. I am getting tired of how irrational and out of control this whole situation is. ss15 will often avoid DH completely for weeks and then out of the blue he will want to move in with us. Then out of the blue, after DH has made considerable effort to start the legal process, he will avoid DH altogether again because he's getting along with BM again. There's a definite pattern to BM's behavior also. She will periodically insist she doesn't want ss15, DH tries to get him and then she changes her story completely and we are back to square one again.

DH has called his attorney about getting custody and was asked "How much do you want to spend?" His attorney is very familiar with the case and he's a reputable attorney. He is asking for 10k up front, saying it will probably cost that and more and in the end ss15 (who is almost 16) can still change his mind and end up back with BM.

I told DH last night that BM and ss15's grandparents are playing games, it's been going on for far too long and it's getting ridiculous. There's constant drama and they are constantly dragging DH into it. I don't see that it's healthy for ss15 in any way and every few months it makes a complete circus out of our lives. I told DH that when ss15 says he wants to move in with us, instead of DH running to his attorney every time he should tell ss15 to have his Grandparents/BM draw up the court papers, sign them and DH will sign them and take him. DH feels guilty. He feels he should go to the attorney and fight for his son. I feel it's more complicated than that. I feel that teenagers can be moody and change their minds too much and that BM enjoys putting DH through this constant drama. I strongly feel boundaries need to be drawn and the ridiculous circus act BM and the grandparents play with everyone's lives needs to be stopped.

I could really use some advice - especially if this is something anybody else has been through before. I have been pretty adament with DH that this has got to stop and we have got to find a better way to handle things. I don't want to be giving the wrong advice and regret that later.