Bitter
I'm so sick of people (no good BM in my case) who think its ok to have kids and not take care of them. I did not choose to have a child 10 years ago. I take care of MY responsibilities. I hate that my life is stress and difficult because you can't bother yourself with your own damn crotchdroppings. I am getting seriously bitter because of all that I'm asked to do that takes away from my own child and things that I need to do. I never chose to bring these children into the world. I hate that my SO doesn't see third as a sacrifice on my part. He just expects that care of his children is an extension of my care and support of him. These kids have two capable parents, why am I the one put out!? I'm exhausted. This kid is HORRIBLE. I have school I need to be working on. I miss my freedom. I miss just having alone time with my sweet baby. I miss having energy and being happy for my own kid. I wish SO would understand these aren't MY kids, my responsiblity, my obligation. I wish I could have understood what kind of a package deal I was getting into. Iguess at the time not even SO knew but he stol doesn't need to take such advantage and write it off like its what I should be doing.
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I agree with you. Somehow I
I agree with you. Somehow I didn't realize when I married DH and quit my job to be a stay at home mom that SD would take over my life and my happiness. I should have stayed working because now I feel like I am not a person anymore. I am just the maid. I miss having my fun times with my DD9 and BD3.
I feel like they are just MY kids and BM and DH are all free of children. I can't have any time at all to myself or even just a minute. I wish I could buy my daughter something or take her out for a nice day without SD being so jealous even though she gets the same attention if I take her out for the day. I can't buy my kids birthday presents without SD adding up how much money I must have spent when I spend the same on her.
I would do anything to go back in time and stay working and have a life of my own.
I wish I could decide I want to go for coffee and up and leave like DH but I have kids to take care of. I am a shell of the person I used to be and I don't know how to get back. Something else happened last year but I can't even bring myself to talk about it or write about it and it has added so much stress on to me. I would like to be a person again.
Why can't BM step up and be a parent instead of a drunk and why BM does your child live with me?? So sick of it. I know how you feel.
That's why I STOPPED doing
That's why I STOPPED doing it! I'll be damned if I raise someones child when two capable parents can do it themselves, no way in hell!! The BM thought I was gonna raise her brat too and she learned real quick, husband learned real quick too.
just quit doing it. reclaim
just quit doing it. reclaim your life. so what if it pisses people off! stand up for yourselves. never be afraid of losing a man. YOU are the catch and it's time you show your man that you value yourself and refuse to be placed back burner. i think that alot of step-parenting problems isn't so much a step-parenting problem as it is a relationship problem and a woman's self-worth problem. women allowing themselves to be used and not seeing their true value. there aren't many victims but a lot of volunteers. i hope someday you will be able to re-claim your lives.
Thanks cocoa! Thank you thank
Thanks cocoa! Thank you thank you thank you.
Wow! Bitter is correct for
Wow! Bitter is correct for this thread. You SMs seem to think being a step parent is a bad thing. Maybe it's YOU. Because I love my 2 step sons as if they were mine. I don't have a good relationship with BM but that doesn't matter. I have treated SKs great from day one. And at first they were bitter towards me. But I knew they were hurt and confused and I held my ground and stayed positive. Now 5 years later they want to come live with us. They call me by my first name but they always refer to me and 2nd mom or step. They show me they love me in their own ways and I do love them. My husband is an fantastic dad but he travels a lot with his job. They SKs used to stay with BM but now they ask to come stay with me. We are in the processes of getting 50/50 custody because I usually have them "more than anyone" (@ Smommy79) and I'm happy to have them. BM is a good mother also and she is bitter towards me. But she realizes that I'm a good parent and role and she is in a new relationship and ask if I will watch them often. I always except and the SK know what's going on. I married into this family and I don't complain. I don't see why you SMs are so quick to say "reclaim your lives" (@ Cocoa) I think you bitter step moms should reclaim your happiness by trying a little harder to be the parent you should be instead of working harder to be a pain for everyone involved. Because the way I see it if you are that bitter then you are causing your marriage to fail. You are causing stress for your husband, your SKs are stresses because you hate them, and the BM is more problematic because of the way you treat SKs. They are now 14 and 12 and they love going on Vacation with us. The want to live with us because we are more stable than BMs household but we don't want to cause BM to go into depression. We may try for 50/50 custody but BM makes $15/h and she would be homeless in a few months. Hopefully she finds a rich husband some day. She hasn't been able to find one that treats the kids right. They treat them much like the way you SMs treat your SKs I'm sure. And you knew going into a marriage that hubby had SKs and you still signed up. So be the person you should be and stop complaining. You are causing more problems than anyone else. And it's your own fault if your marriage fails.
Good luck. I'm going to continue being the best step mom I can be and if I get the SKs more than orders state and we still pay our 1700 month I don't care because I have a family that I love.
Please don't take offense to
Please don't take offense to to this but if your life and your relationship with your Steps is so great then why are you on here? This is a site for venting and seeking constructive advice when necessary...it's sounds like your living in a Fairy Tale.
I understand where your coming from Newbie. A lot gets heaped on us. A lot that we didn't sign on for. I've started drawing more lines. I agree with others. People can only do to us what we allow so while it upsets my husband and does create some immediate stress I think in the end it helps with my bitterness and will prevent serious trouble in my marriage for me to sometimes just say "No" - No, I'm not your maid - No, I'm not your babysitter - No, I'm not your personal ATM. I would make a list of what you do and then figure out which of those things upset you to do and share that with him. He may not like it but atleast you can then be sure that when your angery YOU ARE RIGHT TO BE.
Thanks smiley! I've really
Thanks smiley! I've really appreciated your input lately!!! And yes, its time I need to be my own advocate and set boundaries.
Awww...shucks. Hope it's of
Awww...shucks. Hope it's of some help. It's like therapy for me to finally get to talk with other women that get it.
I call BS on this. You sound
I call BS on this.
You sound like a young girl who is happy to play house with other people's kids.
The comment about BM finding a rich man leads me to think that is what you did. Your DH must have a high income if you don't mind paying $1700 CS.
I'm so happy life is rainbows
I'm so happy life is rainbows and unicorns for you. But not all of us can feel the same. And I know that at least in my situation I didn't ask to be a parent to these kids. They have two parents. I'm pretty sure this site is for venting. So I will continue to vent and seek support here instead of holding it all in and putting on ny disney princess smile til my head pops open. Theres so much more I could say but I really don't even want to bother. I dint have to defend my feelings to anyone.