he is "good friends" with bm
the exbf called me tonight begging for me to come back to him. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks and until tonight, i hadn't even talked to him since the breakup. I told him I am still very hurt by the way he treated me. Again, he was ignoring my calls/texts for several hours and seemed pretty distant anytime I visited him. After our "last" visit 2 weeks ago, I immedietely called him when I got home and asked him what was up. That is when he told me that he loves me, but he is too busy with his kids, work, and an upcoming custody battle to give me the type of relatioonship that I want. I took it like a lady and left him alone without any drama.
Tonight he told me that the reason he was acting distant is because he found out that BM #2 is pregnant by her boyfriend. The man who she left my boyfriend for 3 years ago and he was upset because he doesn't know how it is going to affect THEIR son when the child is born. I told him it should be a joyous event and she will figure out how to balance her time between the 2 children. He went on to say how most women would be able to balance it out, but her boyfriend is a bum who doesn't work and it will be up to her to support the family. He also said she called him last week and told him (my boyfriend) that she is going to kick her boyfriend out soon because she thinks he is sleeping around. My boyfriend then asked her "uhh, so what are u going to do about the baby" and she replied "I'm so screwed for getting pregant by him, blah blah." Sooo much drama for a 35 year old woman. I told my boyfriend that I don't like how he and BM talked so much about non-son issues and that I don't think I like her giving my bf her relationship woes, etc. He said they are good friends now and this is how he likes it., that they get along better now as divorcees than when they were married. Adding, "we weren't very good friends before we got married because we jumped right into it after she got pregnant".
Am I off my rocker or is this just crazy bullshit?? We hung up soonafter I told him that I am not sure I want to be with him anymore, that I do love him, but this sound ridiculous to me. he was trying to assure me that he loves me with his whole heart and while he and bm are good friends now, he doesn't love her.
Sounds like he isn't over
Sounds like he isn't over her. If it were me, I wouldn't talk to him anymore and move on. He has too many issues.
He just text-ed me with hopes
He just text-ed me with hopes that I will have dinner with him and kids tonight. I told him that we haven't seen each other in 2 weeks and it's best we continue in that direction. He immediately called me and I then told him i can't move forward with him because he doesn't have any boundaries with her.
He explained that he has nooo emotional attachment to her. he said the news of her preganancy bothered him for a minute because he wonders if their son is going to want to be at her house more after the baby is born, how their son is going to feel when he is with his dad and away from his baby siter, etc. He has their son EVERY Wed-Sunday evening. He also said the news of her boyfriend cheating on her upset him because he wonders if the boyfriend is bringing women over while he has their son by himself. Her boyfriend doesn't have a job and she works 2 jobs, so on Monday and Tuesday, her boyfriend picks their son up from school and has him by himself for a couple of hours on those days.
Boyfriend then said he doesn't tell me these things because i blow them out of proportion. Whatever. Not telling me is the worst thing to do, just like him waiting 2 weeks to tell me about her pregnancy. He said from now on, he doesn't want to tell me anything about her.
"He said from now on, he
"He said from now on, he doesn't want to tell me anything about her."
So if you take him back, he will keep you in the dark about what is going on. That way he doesn't have to listen to you complain about BM. However, he will maintain the friendship with her.
Win/win for him.
Change your number and move on.
BM once told me, outright,
BM once told me, outright, that I would never come between her and DH as friends. I come between DH and NO ONE! DH is a man for himself and he is fully capable of deciding with whom he would like to maintain/not maintain contact.
Sure, I aimed a few comments about how innapropriate some things were, I reiterated 'wife here' and other ermm subtleties...
The bottom line is he had to have contact with her regarding the kids so I reccommended that we keep it relevant to the kids, now the kids are old enough to make their own choices we do not need to have any contact with her at all. SD is still trying to manipulate her mom and dad talking, kudos to DH when he told her he does not actively seek out or engage in conversations with her mom. DH reiterates that I am his wife, we are a package deal and we are a team, he told BM that anything she has to say to him she can say to me too.
You need to walk away and
You need to walk away and find someone else that doesn't have this much drama. Listen to the women on this site, unfortunately it never gets better. It just gets worse...He is already telling you he plans to lie to you.
Ok ladies, just needed your
Ok ladies, just needed your reassurance that I'm not off my rocker here. I sometimes feel like I'm not being rationale when I get upset over shit like this. I typically feel like i'm being irrational because he always seems to paint me as jealous and irrational when I get upset over stuff like this. The good thing, however, is I'm aware of him doing that to me. And if I do enter a different relationship at some point in time, I will run far away if he makes it seem like I"m building something up that may or may not be a big deal.
I have another perspective on
I have another perspective on why this is a red flag.
I am actually pretty good friends with my ex. There is no pining over each other or talk of getting back together at all, ever. We split up due to his former addiction, not because of any animosity between us. My SO is even friends with him and is OK with us being friends. Ex and I usually keep the conversation topics pretty light or on our son, but he has sought my opinion on some dating issues from time to time.
I was just setting up some background there to show that there can be such a thing as a normal, healthy, platonic relationship between two ex-spouses. From what you've described, however, and speaking as someone who is familiar with what a normal, healthy, platonic relationship looks like, THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM.
His reason for being distant to you is just plain wrong. Even if an ex was doing something painful, which having a baby should not be painful to him (children all over the world since the dawn of history have gotten baby brothers and sisters and lived to tell about it), it should not drive him away from his current significant other. Your true love is someone you turn to, not from. His reasonings are either stupid or smack of rationalizations. And the thing about keeping future communications secret from you? Bad bad bad.
Sorry you're going through this, but unless he is on board for major changes (as in couples counseling and individual counseling for him), this relationship sounds like it would be nothing but pain for you.
he called and cried over the
he called and cried over the phone, whilst telling me how much he misses an loves me. I caved in and invited him over for dinner. He was kissing and hugging me like crazy the entire evening, telling me how much he missed me. A couple days later, I asked if he would be willing to go to couples counseling. He said yes. And then he sent me a text that said, "I just dont feel an emotional or spiritual connection with you". I questioned why he called and cried for me during our breakup, etc. He couldn't answer. And I suggested that maybe when he breaks his bond with BM, he can connect with other women more emotionally. I'm done. Not sure what to make of all this, but I'm done. I may get my bumber changed in case he tries calling again in the near future. I was the best thing that could have happened to him and I hope he realizes that someday.
Aw, I'm sorry...that had to
Aw, I'm sorry...that had to hurt again.
Go back and re-read this whole thread. That should make you feel a little better. This is so totally his loss.