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My side of the story

secondmomat19's picture

I'm new to this site and really all I'm looking for is advice and a place to tell my story. My family won't listen, my so called friends don't care, and I don't know who or where to turn to. So here's my story. I met my now fiance in Feb, this year. He had a daughter who at the time was 9 months. I think I honestly fell more for the baby then him. .(opps) but I kept my distance at first cause 1) her mother was living with them and 2) I didn't know how it was going to work out and didn't want to get way to attached just to have it torn away (if that makes sense?) I got porposed to in March yes it went that quick but we did just click and ya. We moved out of the state we were to where we are now. My family disowned me. They said I was being stupid and was being taken advantage of. I don't see how. It was early March when we moved and on April 4th the baby's mother took off. She left the baby with me while my fiance was at work. She told me (and say's she never said it now) that she "had found someone who would take care of her and that's all she wanted" when I asked about the baby she shrugged and walked out the door. Me and my fiance were heart broken we still can't believe that a woman can have a baby, say she loves that baby then turn the shoulder because she found a rich man. She didn't contact us she didn't come by she didn't do ANYTHING to help or even see her daughter so my fiance filed for full legal custody. That's what you do right? Well I personally served her the papers, and all hell broke lose from there. She blew up in court saying I stole her baby, that I was abusing her baby, that I wouldn't change/ feed/ bathe her baby. She hadn't seen her for months and she was claiming all this in court. So the judge gave her supervised visits for 5 day's a week 8 hours each time, and for her and my fiance to sit down and do a parental plan? (i think that's right) They did it while I was at work, I came home to the baby sleeping and my fiance crying. I couldn't figure out why I really thought we had just lost her. and he tells me that the mother said she wouldn't be able to do the 5 day's cause she's prego again but she chose for 2 day's a week at ONE hour each time. . . I understood why he was crying cause it hit me too. Once again this woman was leaving her child. Well time went on we did the visit's, well the ones the mother could make. . after a while the CPS lady who was doing it said it was a waste of her professional time that she could build relationships with parents who acttually care about their child in the hour she wastes with her. So they stopped. . Now it was up to the mother to get a new supervisor and set up the visits again. .that was 3 months ago. Well it's been through the courts and all so now child support is involved. Their going after the mother. And the mother has requested a DNA test saying that my fiance is not the baby's dad. .and he's been up countless nights, I'm up once again both of us freaking. . we've done the math we're almost 99% sure the baby is his but we don't know for sure. He's told the courts hundered's of times IT DOESN'T MATTER TO HIM he may not be the bio dad but he is the baby's dad. We're scared I'm scared. I'm 19 yr's old. I've never been prego before, my fiance is the first man I've ever slept with and the baby is the only baby/ person/ anything I've actually meant I would die for. Do I want the mother to have time with her baby: absolutly. Do I want to lose the baby to a woman who has written her off twice since I've known her: no. I don't know what to do. I'm scared. I'm mad at this woman for not caring about anything but herself. I'm sad to find out there are people who really don't care about their childeren out there. And I'm lost cause I really don't know what to do. I try to support him. I interact with the baby like there is NOTHING wrong. I love the baby (and I just realized I've only said "the baby" i just don't want her name up on the interenet sorry) I just need advice or honestly someone to tell me from an outside view that everything is going to work out. Or something. Thanks for reading my side of the story.

Comments

JRTerrierMom's picture

Second MOm -

Welcome - and using " the baby" is fine. Or you can say SD and her age - meaning StepDaughter9mos or whatever. None of us use our kids names.

Is there any way you can get the BM (biological mom) to sign off on her parental rights? What that basically means is she gives the baby to the dad. There is no child support involved, she's done. She can't undo it and she can't come back and make problems for you.

I know you think having her in your SD's life is good - but honestly the BM sounds unstable and unhealthy. You've met this child at a stage in yours and her life that you can bond with her in a way most SM's (stepmothers) don't get to. Talk to your fiance. Do you guys have a lawyer? Have you had one?

If money's tight, try calling your state bar office and seeing if they can refer you to an attorney. You guys need one...

JRTerrierMom

secondmomat19's picture

Thanks for responding,
The BM won't sign anything of the like. She feels that it's a "trick" and that we'd be coming after her and it'd look bad on her. We had the judge explian it to her and nothing still.

We are looking into getting a lawyer. It's really pricy and alot of them won't take it on cause of the parternity test that is now ordered by the judge. . we're trying to get one though. We agree that we need one. It's gotten way to sticky and out of control trying to do it without one.

thank you for your insight i deeply apperciate it. Biggrin