Older step son acting out
Recently my older step son (10yrs old) has been acting out and being very disrepectful to his mother younger brother and grandparents....for at least the last month or so. He will tell his mother NO often...raise his voice to her when he doesn't like what she's telling him to do. I've tried the silent role all this time up until now. I have chose to come to the aid of my girlfriend ( the boys mother) and correct him when he refuses to listen to his mother. I give him several chances sometimes 2 or 3 times to do what his mother says but still he refuses to listen. That is when I intervene and tell him to do what he is told and it gets done. Yesterday he raised his voice to his mother and refused to do what he was told. I intervened again but this time punished him with an early bed time. I realize that this goes against many step-parenting rules (LET THE BIO PARENT DISCIPLINE) but I can no longer sit by and let her be treated the way she is by him. Consequently he told his mom last night that he thinks I hate him, which of course is the farthest thing from the truth. So a night has past and he has served his first night of early bed time with one more to go. Any suggestions on how to get the point across to him that it is his behavior that I dislike and not him as a person??? O yeah and btw when he gets punished he never understands why he's being punished "I didn't do anything! This is so unfair" so on and so forth. All of which I do not respond to. I tried before talking to him about a year ago to just admit to the bad behavior and serve your punishment and try not to do it again. That did not work it turned into him screaming at me saying "I didn't do anything wrong!" and his mother getting very upset hearing all the arguing. Outside the house he is fairly pleasent kid very good in school....would never even think of talking to anybody outside the house like he does to those inside his house. Does anybody have some good advice??
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You sound like a very
You sound like a very reasonable person with good intentions. As much as the boy is at fault, it is really the mother that allows him to treat her like that, that is at fault. She is letting him know that it's ok to talk to her in that way, and since he is a kid, and all kids try to get some control of their lives, he will push it further and further. Maybe the best thing you could do is try and get your GF some help in establishing healthy boundaries with her son. That can be a long process, depending on her personality and other issues. I usually think that bios should do the disciplining, particularly if the steps are the stricter ones, but in this case I think that at least a straightfoward no nonsense "Do not talk to your mother this way" or something like that, is very appropriate. What you should figure out with your GF ahead of time are consequences and then I would not give 2 or 3 warnings, but get to it pretty quickly. Something like yelling at mom will mean no tv/console or whatnot for 2 or 3 or however many days. Not doing what he is told, will mean something else is taken away.And then make sure this is all enforced, even if the kid is really sorry and all better now. One thing I learned from my DH, is that when the kids are getting their privileges taken, or another consequence, not to worry about their getting upset. DH would even let them yell, sometimes, as they walked out after either a spanking or another consequence, as long as their protests happened while in retreat. Feeling bad for them getting upset or chasing them if they say one more word after getting punished, does not help.
Thanks appreciatte the
Thanks appreciatte the support. Part of the problem with GF is that she doesn't follow thru she seems to always forget about punishments that she gives either of her children. I, just like with my now 2 teenage daughters who live with their BM, never forget about the punishments I give out and always follow up and make sure their time is served so to speak. What makes it tough is that we have long since agreed on how we both (me and my GF) would discipline the boys is just that she tends to forget to follow thru and the boys know this all to well. So as you would imagine they in time have realized if mom gives us an early bed time she will forget to enforce it or something will come up and low and behold the early bed time is never enforced. The talking back as they walk away is very hard to ignore but I will start to ignore it because by acknowledging it they will continue to do it. thanks again