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BM is the PARENT

mommyandstepmommy2011's picture

Submitted by mommyandstepmom... on Mon, 07/11/2011 - 3:06pm

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FI is pissing me off about his daughter. He and I had it out when she first moved away with her mom. He kept saying it was my fault because I didnt support his getting her. Im thinking to myself.What in the world. BM is the better custodial parent. He couldnt raise SD by himself and I sure as hell was taking on most or all of the work.
Seriously, Im ready to say it to him!

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 07/11/2011 - 3:37pm

You are the one about to get married, of course you need to tell him how you feel...if you don't then he will not know and is making decisions to be with you based on misinformation.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Mon, 07/11/2011 - 11:49pm

Well, ya know what? There's nothing wrong with not wanting to raise someone else's kid. Especially when that parent wasn't custodial when you decided to merge lives.

I think it's much worse for a child to be with a stepparent who doesn't want them than it is for them to be with even a semi competent bio parent who does want them.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Tue, 07/12/2011 - 8:39am

If you're considering marriage, I would advise you to seriously consider what life would be like having his child full-time. It happens more often than you would think.

What if something were to happen to BM, where she honestly couldn't be custodial?

Honestly, while it's true that no one knows for certain what the future might hold, there certainly are those who step into marriage knowing good & well they don't want to deal with these children & as their marriage slowly breaks down and is falling apart they cry, "I didn't know what I was getting into!"

You KNOW you don't want to deal with this child. You KNOW what life with this child entails, yet you're going to marry the guy & throw yourself right in front of the freight train.

mommyandstepmommy2011's picture

Submitted by mommyandstepmom... on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 7:07am

He backed off because he knows that he isnt prepared to take on the work of being a custodial father. I think now many parents cannot understand that you can love your child and admit that you are NOT the one who should have custody.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 7:42am

You all have 2 kids together right? If he can't take care of his one, how will he take care of the 2 he has with you if God forbid something happens to you??? What are you going to do if something happens to the BM? Will your husband be forced to send SD to live with a family member?

mommyandstepmommy2011's picture

Submitted by mommyandstepmom... on Thu, 07/14/2011 - 7:46am

I take care of mine. There is nothing wrong with admitting that BM is a better custodial parent.
I try not to think that any of us would not see our kids reach adulthood. If BM were to die then he would certainly have to step up and learn to be a full time dad.
If I were to die my family would be there to help him that is a given.
Im talking about in the here and now that she is the better custodial parent and that is okay. It is good that we are able to pinpoint who is best suited and she is there.

mommyandstepmommy2011's picture

Submitted by mommyandstepmom... on Thu, 07/21/2011 - 8:30am

I never said he was incompetent. I said simply that BM is a better CUSTODIAL parent. I dont think that he would be able to handle SD as the CUSTODIAL parent. I dont think that makes him a bad parent. Yes, he is a full time dad to our two but Im here to parent them with him so it balances out.