New to this forum. I now introduce you to the spawn of Satan!
I would like to start this off by saying that I am here because I truly feel that my life's happiness is on the line. At the moment that I felt I had no other choice, I dialed numbers feverishly until my step-kids had an appointment set with one of the best child psychologists in the area, only to be let down tremendously.
Going back to the beginning...At the age of 24, I was pretty mature for my age. Totally ready to settle down and have kids, adopt kids, whatever I was open to anything and just wanted to have my own home and family. I met the man of my dreams..friendly, gorgeous, great job, going through a divorce and had two kids, a boy (5) and a girl (3). It was everything that I wanted and 5 weeks after we started dating, we found out that I was pregnant-I wasn't ready for things to move THAT fast, but hey, you can pray for blessings but you can decide the order in which they are received 
We were living together, my boyfriend and I with his two kids..and a month into our relationship I started to pick up on strange things about his kids. His son had emotional issues and a strong lisp, he couldn't speak at all at the age of 5 and upon looking at him you could tell that SOMETHING was wrong with him. He acted almost as if he were Autistic. Upon asking my boyfriend about his son and trying to tread lightly on the subject, he stated that he was hoping his son would grow out of the issues, but was afraid that his son was suffering some sort of brain damage from his BM using drugs while she was pregnant. My boyfriend's daughter was 3 at the time and almost immediately began stealing from me-A LOT. I took her to Wal-Mart, just her and I, and while we were in line I caught her pulling the wallet from a man's back pocket-and she did it so well that he didn't even notice. I was so upset and embarassed, especially when her father laughed about it because he thought it was normal for kids her age. She pee'd the bed every night, which was normal for her age..but now she is about to turn 7 and she does it more than ever. I have caught her trying to rip the legs off of a kitten right before her 6th birthday and other friends and family have complained about her abusing their animals as well. At a babysitter's house she attempted to stab their bird with a pencil. She called me fat through my whole pregnancy even though I wasn't, and when my son was born she tried to hurt him each and every time my back was turned. She lies and tells other adults that we don't feed her and she is starving. A few months ago we got a call from her school stating that she used purple and blue marker to make 'bruises' all over her body and then made statements that we were beating her at home...how DARE she when she has no clue how bad I WANT to beat her little butt! lol. The worst part is: is her sexual behavior. You wouldn't think that a 6 year old would have ANY sexual behavior but she does. For YEARS she has been wearing revealing clothing and she will jump on me and rub her crotch on me, recently she started making sex noises while she does this and it makes me SO SICK TO MY STOMACH! I have reprimanded her for this behavior and she just laughs. Yesterday I caught her in front of my bedroom mirror dancing provocatively and spreading her legs to expose herself. She also grabs me inappropriately on a daily basis, mostly my breasts and I just had baby number two so I don't feel comfortable being touched there at all by anybody. I literally feel like I am being molested by a 6 year old and there is not much that I can do about it. My boyfriend is dumbfounded about what to do. We have tried every tactic in the book, love and praise, punishments such as time-outs, groundings, losing belongings..spanking was even used as a last resort and it didn't even phase her..didn't bother her one bit. This is all just a game to her. Her own mother called a few days ago and told us that she can't have anything to do with her daughter because of how twisted this little girl is. And in the public eye she is Miss Perfect, I sh*t you not. I forgot to mention that my boyfriend works out of state and that I have his kids while he is at work for 3 and sometimes 4 weeks at a time, so this has really been made into MY problem and I do not want his screwed up kids ruining my kids...because my kids are happy and innocent, nothing like his kids and I do not want that to change. We took his kids to a psychologist a few weeks ago and confirmed that his son does have brain damage, ADHD, memory loss, processing issues, and PTSD. The little girl totally pulled the wool over the psychologist's eyes (whom is supposed to be the best in the area) so now who are we supposed to turn to? Who AM I supposed to turn to? I don't mean to sound crude, but I am not the one who eff'd these kids up and I sure am not going to be the one who fixes them. We found out that while these kids were living with their mother, she was prostituting herself out of her home in front of the children and using drugs in front of them...so that explains a lot of why the kids are the way they are, but not completely. These kids were partially disturbed BEFORE they went off to live with their mom for a year.
Well I hope people can make some sense of my writing. I am exhausted with having 4 kids to take care of, one is practically Forrest Gump and the other is the actual spawn of Satan and should be in a padded room for life. In all seriousness though, who do you turn to when a psychologist can't figure your kid out? WTF?
The parents need to be
The parents need to be looking after their kds and it’s not your responsibility. You stated that their dad is out of town 4/5 weeks so all the responsibility is on your shoulders. The parents have it made because you are doing all the work and they are off the hook.
The girl has typical behavior of someone sexually abused or she learned hooker behavior from her mom and no she won’t grow out of it.
Unfortunately the mother is
Unfortunately the mother is not allowed to see the children, and DCF has said that even if she is rehabilitated..she will probably never be suitable to live with children. My boyfriend is the sweetest man and he does everything for me so I do not want to leave, even with all of these horrible problems with his daughter, we never fight. I feel like IF I was to leave him, it would only put our to kids on the same path that his kids are on and I would regret losing him for the rest of my life. My boyfriend leaving his job is definitely not an option at all, he is our only source of financial support. I had to leave school during my pregnancy and probably will not be able to return until all of the kids are at least in pre-school, so without any kind of formal education I do not have the option of finding suitable enough employment to sustain us. We are considering boarding school for this little girl, but most do not accept children younger than 6th grade and $30,000 a year to keep her away from us is a harsh sentence.
My boyfriend proposed to me the first morning of 2011, I waited so long for that moment! I said yes, but I told him that we could not get married until I am through with college because of financial aid-which is TRUE. But, at the same time..I want NO legal responsibility for his children! The 8 year old boy has been entered into a program that will try to help him learn to read and write and our psychologist is interested in working with him so he will probably be okay in life. But we have no solutions for this little girl as of yet. Aren't there boot camps or something for kids like her? Anything? I cannot let her ruin our family and the lives of the other children. I was molested ans severely abused as a child, barely had parents-I had to go live with my grandparents, and still I NEVER acted the way that she does so I just cannot find any reasoning in it. It does seem as though she has some sort of mental issue doesn't it?
It sounds like the girl has
It sounds like the girl has been abused. Your response to your abuse is not the norm. Please do not expect her to behave/handle the possible abuse the way you did. The child can not be blamed for the way she dresses since she is too young to buy her own clothes. The person buying the items for her is at fault.
I'm going to be honest with
I'm going to be honest with you. I know a lady from another forum who had a step-son who acted just like your step-daughter. The cruelty to animals, the Mr. Perfect behavior in front of others, the whole shebang. Even with oodles of therapy, there was no improvement. And they had gotten the boy at a very young age (like 4).
I wish I could tell you it gets better, but it probably won't. So you have to decide if the financials and sticking with your fiance is worth potentially jeopardizing your own children. The boy seems like he will do well in therapy, but the girl, not so much.
Did you mention the aggressive sexual acting out on behalf of the girl to the psychologist? Since DCF was involved, have you told them your suspicions that she was molested? The social worker involved with the case may be able to get you some resources to deal with her. At the very least, she seems to have a defiance disorder (no fear of consequences or authority figures). I'd try to contact both of those people first thing, and see where they can point you. And never, ever let her alone with your children.
Thank you rockermom for your
Thank you rockermom for your helpful reply. Our psychologist has made it clear that she believes the boy to be in greater need of the girl, and was not wanting to discuss the girl's issues until we got the boy squared away. Now that we just got the boy going in the right direction-I am so mad at this lady because I went to her in a state of emergency, only to be dismissed! I told her of the sexual allegations and she called DCF and this whole investigation began on our entire family-it was closed of course. But that was the only help that this lady has given us so far. She recommends that we begin family therapy immediately, but I am not comfortable discussing these things as a family..the other kids are TOO YOUNG to hear such things and I can't believe she would even suggest that over individual therapy for this girl. Maybe this lady could be of some service to us if I tell her that she needs to just shut up and listen to me for once. Or maybe she is just nuts herself, I am not sure anymore lol. I forgot to mention...DCF followed up on the allegations with the mother and the mother defended her male friend to the point that DCF felt no need to proceed in the investigation. That is the problem with these types of things-they happen in the dark when nobody else is around so it all tends to stay under the radar. Horrible, I know. Rockermom, you pretty much said out loud what I was thinking in my head. Despite my soul mate status with this man, we may have to make another arrangement in the future.
We are extra careful of the
We are extra careful of the clothes that we buy this girl, but she will manipulate her shirts to show skin. Because of our experience with her we know not to buy her any shorts or skirts and try to buy her clothes that she can not manuever into some sort of hoochie ensamble but it is nearly impossible, we of course do not allow her in public like this, but it is an everyday thing. At school she has to wear a uniform, which we were so thankful for! But she stood up in front of the class during a lesson and pulled her pants down and pulled her shirt up to expose herself to the class. So it seems like she will always find a way. I have spoken with the girl about her abuse, as it was me she confided in! She was too afraid to tell her own mother and father that her mother's friend crawled on top of her and was kissing her on the mouth while her mother was at work. So I told her parents. And I arranged for her to see a psychologist-whom has no interest in her case and is supposed to be the best in this area of the state. I guess my next step is to TRY to find a psychologist that specializes in working with kids like her and I hope that I am successful. I am just so tired of DCF coming to our house because of these kids. I am tired of being interviewed and having to take my babies diapers off in front of strangers to prove that my children are not being abused, but when abuse is made known to psychologists in this state-they HAVE to call DCF. It is a terrible cycle. I hope to use all of this one day to help other kids or people, but until I figure out how to help us we are stuck.
This little girl has many of
This little girl has many of the signs of Conduct Disorder, which is above and beyond Oppositional Defiant Disorder. You really need to watch her every second, because there is no way to predict what she will do. As she gets older, it will get worse. She was probably also abused.
Did the doctor say why he thinks the little boy has PTSD? From abuse? There are most likely other things going on here with this little girl. She needs to be hospitalized-NOW. Punishment will not work with her, neither will rewards. Even if money wasnt an issue, no boarding school would take her, you would have to tell them her history. If anything, she would need a specialized school for severely emotionally disturbed children. She needs to be tested by a team of doctors, so they can determine all of her issues.
Your bf needs to take time off from work and get his daughter help. She is literally crying out for it. You cannot be responsible for your children, and wondering what she is going to do. And if not your children, she could hurt someone else's.
I am so saddened that this little girl's mother doesnt want her. That being the case, your bf must get this child hospitalized immediately. You can go to the hospital with documentation of everything she has done. Do not take no for an answer, I dont care how sweet she appears to them. Believe me, if they keep her, they will see her other side eventually. They need to run lots of tests on her.
I think the little boy will be ok, since his needs are being addressed and he is not a danger. But this little girl is a danger, and I am scared for you and your kids.
The doctor thinks that the
The doctor thinks that the boy has PTSD from abuse suffered while at the mother's house. There was no indication that the boy was physically/sexually abused, but he suffered mental abuse due to paying witness to his mother's lifestyle. The doc said that the greatest effect on him is not knowing if his mother will live or die-which is not something that an 8 year old boy should have to worry about. In a way, I think that his mental condition has somewhat shielded him from some damage, because he is often oblivious to his surroundings and his sister did not have that luxury. On another note: we are aware that the mother suffers from some sort of mental condition herself. She has PTSD and was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder in her teen years, but I am positive that it has progressed into something more serious. So it is apparent to me that these children were genetically pre-disposed to mental illness, and getting medical professionals to take this seriously is proving to be a challenge. I am thankful for everyone's input. Sometimes I wonder if it is me, am I over-reacting..am I the one that is crazy and I have been up to my ears in people's god-awful advice to just hug and love this girl until everything subsides-sometimes that just isn't enough and we have tried that. Thank you for being open-minded and acknowledging that nobody is perfect, including children...because sometimes it takes balls to say that. My fiance comes home in 2 days and we are going to demand that the doctor hear what we have to say or else we will have to take higher action. I will post updates.
My situation is similiar. My
My situation is similiar. My SD's mom was under investigation for prostitution, had an S&M room, had live-in boyfriends go to jail for abuse, child endangerment, meth. My husband got custody when she was 7 right b4 we got married. SD doesn't talk about what happened there. H hopes he got her out of there b4 anything happened to her. She is almost 13 now. She lies, steals, death threats, etc. She used to be ok towards me, but her mom died in 2009 and she decided she hates me. We have tried EVERYTHING also. It is emotionally exhausting. She wrote a letter recently talking about hurting herself so she ended up spending 8 days at a treatment center. They said she has PTSS from not dealing with her mom's death. Her mom hadn't spoken to her since 2007. Now they have referred us to a live-in Christan school where she will get lots of therapy. We all will get extensive couseling. Maybe you have something lke this around your town? It's our only hope. I have 2 very small children, too, and her depression and drama makes our life miserable. My husband is wonderful to me too and we still get along great, but I can't do this anymore. We need help NOW!!!!!!!
I know that you are busy and
I know that you are busy and half carzy with all that is going on in your world, however, I highly suggest that you take a moment to document every incident this little girl pulls. Dates, times, what, to whom, how she reacted when confronted, everything, a journal of sorts so that you don't forget to mention things when you do eventually find the right treatment center for her. I have no doubt that she needs intensive care!
Here's an off the chart suggestion, have you tried reaching out to Dr Phil? I wouldn't normally suggest that but if you are willing to air it all, i think they would have a comprehensive and intensive plan figured in a minute, pay for it and make sure that you had a care giver/provider in your area. Just a thought because it does not seem you are finding results.
I think the dr you saw opted to "fix" the boy first because there were fixable issues, basically easier to deal with and celebrate successes on. This little girl sounds so troubled to me I wouldn't/couldn't sleep unless her little tail was tied to a bed. She will not outgrow this without help, i so agree it will get worse. Please get help or get her out of you home before some ONE gets hurt. I feel terrible saying such things about a child so young but reading your story made me think of the horror new reports you read about almost daily. The criminals are getting younger every day. Please be careful, God bless.