I have been on this site for over a year reading and have gotten loads of help, I have never written anything but I need to vent and maybe someone out there can help me get through this.

History: my husband and I have been together almost 3 years and married for 2 years. When we first met his children lived with their materinal grandmother. BM was not in the picture at all, she is a meth addict. And my DH has had his issues also and was farther down the road of recovery than BM. He has been clean and sober for almost 5 years now. In the beginning we had planned to have his children move in with us. (SD14 and SS11 now) and they spent every weekend with us. I have been a single parent for the most part of 12 years with my BS12 and BD8. It was my understanding that skids living with GM was temporay and I was all for blending our familys. Making them rooms in the house and including them in everything we did. And doing everything I did for my own children for them as well. We had gone to GM and told her we wanted this kids and she said it would be best if we would prove more stability that I that far was just another girlfriend.

My kids dont know their fathers so the trasition for them was easy, they started calling DH dad on our wedding day, and a few weeks after our wedding his kids asked if they could call me mom. Then about a week later BM turns up wanting to have a relationship with her children, i was crushed and pissed...lol whole other post need for all that, but I moved aside and hoped that BM could really get her act together for the kids. SD14 was really happy and started spending everyother weekend with BM and the rest with us, while SS11 started spending everyother weekend with us and the rest with GM. I have contunied to treat them like my own.

Then last year SD14 wanted to move in with BM and GM was going to let her until we asked to have SS11 come move in with us, then GM told the SD14 to lie to us about how much time she was spending with BM, BM and I get along and she informed us of the lie and said that SD14 was staying with her 4 nights a week. again whole other post needed for GM. Then BM got beat up by her BF,moved out of her school district and shortly after that dropped off her 2 other kids at their other GM house and started using again.

SD14 is like anyother teenager, she is really good at mulipulating this whole situation, she will make up stories to tell the GM so that the GM feels sorry for her and tries to make it all better. And as she has started to get into trouble uses every trick in the book to pull the wool over the eyes of daddy and GM and it workes. I seem to be the only person that sees right through her bs. My biggest issues with her is her clothing and her lying. She has tried to walk around my house nearly naked or in shorts that she can not bend over in, I am a pretty modest person and I refuse to look at that shit. Dh and I have gone rounds and rounds about the clothing, and when he tried to make her put some cloths on, she threatens never to come over again(let me tell you I look forward to the day when she follows trough on that threat) she throws a fit better than any 2 year old, accuses me of breaking up their relationship, and accusses DH of loving me more than her, and then like clock work goes into her pity party of how everyone is picking on her...

Before her 14th bday she had already been caught drinking on video that went around her school and she was grounded by GM for 2-3 weeks. Then about a month after that GM found a very sexual coversation she had online with an 17 year old. she was out with her friends within 2 weeks. I have been absolutly pissed with what they are letting her get away with, but another post.

So we planned a camping trip for when the kids got out of school, and I begged DH to please do something anything so I did not have to watch SD14 walk around for 4 days looking like a slut( i said it alot nicer to him) and he told me he would talk to her and GM. 3 days before we left I asked if he had talk to them and he said no that he did tell SD14 not to wear anything to skimpy.

So we get to the camp ground and there she is with short ass tight ass shorts and a tank top...and when asked to go changed she said she didnt have anything else...being the evil step monster that I am, I had packed 2 pairs of less reveiling shorts. This turned into a 2 hour battle with Gm on the phone telling her she didnt have to change and basically she didnt have to do what she was told. so she continued to walk around in her slut gear the rest of the weekend. and even when a guy with a beer in his hand checked out SD14, daddy didnt seem to care. BTW SD14 is 5"9' and could get away with saying she is 18-19.

So I gave up...when we got home i informed my DH that I was done with all this bs and I was going to completly disengage form his children, but I also had to inform him that with all the bad goes all the good I do for them well. Before me he would simply get the a christmas and a birthday gift. He would spend some money on them when he had them on the weekends but that was when he wasnt paying all his bills. After we met I started including them on my big christmases and easter baskets and birthday partys for them, (GM does these things as well) I did all the shopping all the budgeting to make these things happen and I treated it like they were equals to my kids.

We dont have alot of money and my husband cost more than he brings in. which is fine, I didnt marry him for money. He is a really good guy and part of my belevies he really does nto know what to do. GM has all the say. And he is a great dad to my kids.

Back to the disengaging converstation...he told me he would deal with it, so he got ahold of GM and asked her to get SD14 shorts that were not as skippy( yes he really things this all about the shorts) she said that she has shopped and shopped and can not find anything for SD14 body type that would reveil less and if we wanted to go buy her some we could do that. And I really dont have a problem doing that, these are my standards, but when I asked if GM was going to help us enfource these shouts I got no answer. So again I said I was done, I am not playing these stupid drama games with a damn 14 year old in charge.

So at this is was accused of just being an ass...damn if I do damn if I dont...I feel like what he is asking me to do is just ignore the fact that his kids dont have responsiablities to this household, dont have to follow the rules, and we have no way to correct it when that dont follow the rules, yet they should enjoy all the priliges of this house and family...sorry but fuck that. My kids have chores, they get punished when they do wrong, and they have to deal with me and him on a daily basis, the good the bad and the ugly, and they way I see it(and I dont share this with them) they work for and deserve the big christmases and birthdays that I work really had to provide them. Just the way I am I dont generally get them alot outside of those day. And the skids get shit all the time from GM and SD14 has no problem asking for and demanding whatever her little heart desires.

There is really not much of a question here, I guess I would really like some support through this transision of disengaging. I dont feel right about taking out all of this on the kids but I really see no other way. Thank you so much for making it through my story.