Do you think it is ok for skids to ignore you when BM is around?
I am at a point where despite my feelings getting hurt, I am trying to ask myself is this a battle worth picking? Luckily - thank you god - we are not around BM and skids very often. Usually they are picked up and dropped off with no interaction. However, as i stated in a previous post, at ss10's games it seems skids are forbidden from talking to me, my bd3, bd5, or even their dad. My kids at one game were standing right in front of sd13 saying Hi sd's name - and without saying a word sd13 walked away. Another awkward moment is after the game while everyone is congratulating ss10 I am standing awkwardly to the side not saying anything. I finally tried to tell ss10 good game and was only met with a blank stare and then he looked right past me and kept walking. ouch! He had another game that afternoon and me and my kids just stayed home. Of course, when they return home everything goes back to normal eventually as if nothing ever happened.
So, baseball season is over and this situation probably won't come up again soon but I am feeling like I should address it. Like asking skids, why do you think it is ok to do that? Does BM teach you to treat people that way? How would you feel if I treated you that way at home?
Am I just being silly and forget it or what do you think? Thanks. :O
I've seen this many times
I've seen this many times with my SD17. Her father only sparingly drops crumbs of "conditional" love, and she is terrified of displeasing him. So naturally, she treats me like shit, because that's what he wants her to do. After all, he is her "real" dad.
We couldn't stand when this
We couldn't stand when this happened either. It really doesn't pay to ask why either as its pretty obvious.
The theory Iwlass makes a whole lotta sense to me. When it happens it hurts no matter what.
I think I know how you feel.
My DH couldn't take the disrespect anymore and distanced himself due to the toll the disrespect took on his health etc. It was a huge mistake that he just can't seem to resolve.
I feel bad for Bios.
Disagree here... If I am good
Disagree here...
If I am good enough to buy bday gifts, equally provide Christmas, wash clothes, and cook your dinners - then it is only common courtesy that you do not treat me like a stranger.
At 13 yrs old...there is no excuse for it (short of their mother being completely psycho and beating them or something crazy). I have most certainly explained to my bio's the situation and that is comepletely RUDE and would NEVER be an acceptable way for them to act towards their stepfamily/stepmother/grandparents/etc. I think BOTH the parents should be embarassed for their childs actions.
Yes, it sucks for the kids. However, my kdis are in the same situation and are NOT uncomfortable around any of their parents - becasue we have always allowed them to love anyone they want openly.
Oww! I think that I just got
Oww! I think that I just got blinded by a rainbow! Hope I don't trip over the sanctimonious pot of gold at the end!
AMEN! I feel the SAME way!
AMEN! I feel the SAME way! Couldnt have said it better!
I dont think that
I dont think that acknowledging someone's presence or (heaven forbid) showing appreciating for them taking their time to come to a game/show/ceremony to show support is in any way "trying to one-up their mother in public". In fact as a BM I would be mortified if my children ignored their father/s'mom in public - I think it says a lot about how well I have raised my children!
Think about it...if they ran into their daycare provider or teacher in public...bet they could acknowledge them...
I think DH should be having
I think DH should be having talks with both BM and skids (not at the events, though). Ultimately, BM is putting the kids in the middle by behaving like this. He also needs to be talking with the stepkids about this, because while BM is instigating it, parents have to teach kids that they need to take responsibility and will be held accountable for their actions, even if BM is behind it. A judge wouldn't let a convicted murderer, abuser or thief off the hook because their mother lead them to think it was ok to commit the crime. Maybe DH needs to get the stepkids into counseling too, but he definitely needs to hold them (along with BM) accountable and enforce consequences when they're rude.
Thanks everyone for your
Thanks everyone for your input. Alot of you echoing the same gut feeling I have and that is how are we teaching the skids to behave; is this something they should encouraged to do? Such a blatant lack of respect whether their low life BM is around or not is just not acceptable to me. My BD16 has had major disrespect issues with my SO and we both sat down with her and told under no circumstances was this going to be acceptable. I instigated this discussion with bd16 because I am appalled at her behavior and refuse to condone it in anyway. Now the tables are turned and my skids are displaying similiar disrespect and my so is choosing to simply blame BM instead of holding his kids accountable for his actions. Disrespect is disrespect and though I don't want my skids getting an earful from BM, I think it is worse to say nothing and not give skids a clear message that what they are doing is wrong period. I don't expect it to change anyting but I am not going to sit here and act like I didn't notice either.