I have only been at this for two years, but I think it has definitely gotten a lot better! SS was two when I met him and he is four now. It was very hard in the beginning, he was never mean to me but he would cling to DH like his life depended on it and DH was TERRIBLE at discipling him. I felt like the third wheel and had to watch as SS would throw fits to get whatever he wanted. BM in my case was a nightmare (and STILL is) and whenever I have to deal with her I really regret putting myself in this situation, but when it is just DH, SS and I we are generally happy. Things could have gone very bad though, if I didn't have DH's support w SS. I think that as long as your GF supports you in parenting her child, things can go well. It is when she expects you do to all of the "parent" things (like helping w rides or watching SS), but doesn't let you discipline that trouble comes up. If she supports you, I think you definitely have a shot at making this work

One more thing, don't have too many expectations. That may sounds a bit gloomy, but don't expect yourself to fall in love w this kid as if he were your own, don't expect him to start treating you like a dad, don't try to fit into the "father" slot (he already has one), don't expect things to always be perfect with the BF and don't expect your GF to always do what you want her to do w respect to her son. All you can do is treat this kid with kindness and with the same respect you would treat your own kid's with, hope your relationship w him goes well and that he treat you with the same respect he should treat all adults with, try to keep the peace w the BF, and always talk it out w your GF. Best of luck!

Good luck to you - I wouldn't say DON'T do it, but beware that all is not what it seems at first. I love my SS and SD and they me. I love my spouse more than anything. So, yes, I would do it again, but I would do it differently. That nice guy BF? Set CLEAR boundaries from the outset. My problem may not be yours, but that "nice guy" interfered SO much in the first two years that now in Year 4 going on Year 5 I start to fume whenever I hear his name. His intrusiveness boggles the mind, and he's so passive-aggressive about it that he manipulates my spouse who always covers for him "for the good of the kids."

I would strongly recommend sitting down and going over what would be okay and not okay in terms of how much involvement there is with the BF. Does he get a key to your house "for emergencies" (don't go there!)? Does he have to have an INVITATION to come over (demand it)? Will you NOT be allowed to doctor's appointments or be forced to sit next to him as "one happy family" at school events? Perhaps the BF has moved on and has a new significant other, but if not, make sure he knows that he is NOT in YOUR family, only the kid's family!!! Absolutely getting along is GREAT, communication between the BM and BF is great, but clearly define your place in all this before it is defined FOR you!i

Even if everything goes perfectly, it will be tough. For most people, it DOES get worse with time. Also, if your GF does not grant you full parental authority, your life will be hell. You'll ending disengaging at best, and leaving at worst. From the little bit you wrote, it sounds like your GF is a permissive "friend" parent to her kid, which will also make things tough. It can work if you really love the girl, but it will not be easy.

Although I was the one who said INSIST ON BOUNDARIES from the very beginning, I would do it again. I love my partner and can't imagine life without her. And my life is richer having skids - despite that they are now teenagers and all that that means, they are good kids and I love them very much. I wouldn't give them up for anything.

But MANY issues could and should have been resolved in the very beginning. It would have prevented a lot of grief - or so I think. If you can't resolve how you envision YOUR lives apart from the BF right NOW then it will be very, very tough. Once you're more involved, and more is at stake with the child, you lose all bargaining power and the cry "but what is best for Timmy is. . ." will rule your life, and the birth parents will sidestep your issues every time - and sometimes it will feel like SHE is siding with HIM.

Yes it gets worse. Here's the thing... and I hate to scare you because you could end up being really happy with this girl, but...

If I had been dating SO for four months and I got all the warnings that I see and know what I do now, then I would not have continued down this road. I would have waited for a nice man who doesn't have children. I'm 34, I don't care what anyone says, they exist.

You can take this with a grain of salt, but I would say its hasn't been that long find a nice woman with no kids. Again, take this with a grain of salt.

I have a good relationship with SD ( or as good a relationship as any parental figure does with a 16 yr old lol). DH & I married when she was 4. I would definitely step-parent again - IF the BM was dead.

That being said, women are much more vindictive then men, and a woman scorned ....if dad is okay now, you may be okay. But, are you prepared to deal with a mad man? How did he take the break up - this may give you an indication how he will be when you marry, etc.

I would make a long transition into this relationship. You and your GF need to make specific boundaries when the child is concerned and you need to have proof see will back you up BEFORE you get married. This is where most have issues.

Also, keep in mind this is a support board, & you won't necessarily be looking for support if you have no issues, ya know?

Best of Luck.

I am a 33yr old bm of a 5yr old son and stepmom of a 12yr old girl. W hen they talk to you about boundaries, that of something you cannot dismiss. Boundaries are a must, the other thing you should seriously agree on is how you disagree in front of the child. My dh, I love him, but he is so demeaning to me in front of the kids. We both have the problem of wanting to be right, but dh doesn't always listen before he opens his mouth. As his bd has seen him treat me, she plays the same game. I can't stand the sd now. I know it is because of dh, he plays the roll of buddy instead of parent. I can't stand it. If it want for my financial situation and the fact I can spend as much time as I want with my bs, I think I would call it quits. I end up playing tug of war over my dh with sd12. Sd does not like following rules, I do not believe sd is able to make decisions for herself like her bad time etc, she doesn't even brush her own teeth without being reminded.
Your relationship with your gf, can and will be successful if u do communicate clearly what the expectations are as sparent, rules for the child and defiant boundaries with the bf. I have bm, and an exstepmom to deal with. I refuse to deal with ex stepmom, she needs to drop dead, im not deal ling with two woman, myself, my dh communicating with both of them (as he already cheated on his ex (not bm) then cheated on me with her (again not bm, but ex stepmom) while we were dating). I only deal with bm... My dh will talk with my sons bd, and her comes around but I have made it perfectly clear it is our sons best interest I have in mind that no way in hell is there anything gonna change.
So, I guess, boundaries, honesty, patience, good communication skills and love...u have all those you should be fine....dont let the fact that you have something other than the regular relationship problems or issues make you change your mind. Keep your eyes open, don't rush into anything and whatever you do, don't expect the ss to treat you like he does his bd, it won't happen. You wil have your own special relationship with him, make it that way special for the two of you, sdafs can be the hero the bd fails to be...good luck!