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UGH. The "you signed up for this" rant.

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Tue, 05/24/2011 - 11:44am

Last night I picked up 3-month old DS, SS3 and SD6 from daycare and brought them home. I realized FDH wasn't home yet so I called him to see when he would be. He said he had to work until 7pm and that he had a softball game at 8! He said, "Yeah I kind of forgot to ask BM if we could switch nights tonight." I got short with him and was annoyed and got off the phone because SS3 was crying about something.

When he came home after 7 he said to me, "I don't understand why when you're here with all the kids you get so short and annoyed." I said, "It'd be nice to have some sort of warning. Obviously you KNEW I'd be the one here with all of them all night and you FORGOT to ask BM to switch and you also FORGOT to tell me?" So then I said, "It's so easy for you to forget about things when you know it's not going to affect YOU at all!"

I'm sure a lot of you are like me...I sort of have to mentally prepare myself when I know I'm alone with the skids. And when it is sprung on me like that it's REALLY annoying. What would he do without me in his life??? He'd hardly be able to have them...he would rarely be able to have them overnights because he can't ever pick them up or drop them off.

Then he said the GORY words: "You realize you sort of signed up for this..."

I quietly removed myself and baby from the room for a good half hour after that comment. I wanted to smack him. He did apologize later (sort of), atleast for forgetting to tell me.

And I felt guilty for being gone 2 hours last Thursday evening...

Comments

lexaprotakemeaway's picture

Submitted by lexaprotakemeaway on Tue, 05/24/2011 - 11:49am

Wow.. :jawdrop: if my DH did this on a regular basis, I'd be dragging his happy, forgetful ass into the therapist with me...

stepsonhatesme's picture

Submitted by stepsonhatesme on Tue, 05/24/2011 - 11:54am

I'd tell him "Oops did I forget to tell you "I" have something going on tonight and I assumed you would be home to watch the kids,sorry" Then pick up DS and leave. Let him figure out what to do with his kids.

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Tue, 05/24/2011 - 2:23pm

Good point. Yes...him admitting he forgot was him admitting he could be in trouble for his forgetfulness....

sweetthing's picture

Submitted by sweetthing on Tue, 05/24/2011 - 1:58pm

I am pretty sure I signed up to be a princess so I am not sure where the misunderstanding lies. Smile

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Tue, 05/24/2011 - 2:21pm

Yes I know what you're saying. Most of the things I do I'd do anyways...I just do feel taken advantage of sometimes. And it'd be nice if they didn't get to the point where you are EXPECTED to do them, and if you don't you're a "bad" person or bi***y or something.

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Tue, 05/24/2011 - 2:12pm

This is classic non-parenting guilt tripping.

You did NOT sign up to be a doormat and built in nanny.

And if there is a PASinator BM in the picture, I'd watch out b/c even CP SMs get "accused" of doing this or that to Junior while in her care. . . at which time you should totally disengage and refuse to be nanny anymore.

show him this link: http://csmchat.weebly.com/did-you-know.html

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Tue, 05/24/2011 - 3:11pm

I looked at the link and LOVE LOVE LOVE this part:
"This leads to some examples I thought of today. When someone complains about how bad their husband is, why don't we say: Didn't you know your husband when you married him? It wasn't an arranged marriage, was it? When someone complains about how difficult their teenager is, why don't we say: Hmmmm. You knew he would grow up into a teenager when you decided to have him didn't you? You weren't ignorant of biology, were you? You understood that sex can lead to teenagers didn't you? When someone complains about their boss why don't we say: You had an interview before you took the job, didn't you? You met him, right, you investigated the company? I could go on and on here but I think you get it. We don't say these things to people when they tell us their problems with their boss or kids or husbands BECAUSE IT DOESN'T HELP --- BECAUSE IT JUST DISCOUNTS THEM AND MAKES THEM FEEL STUPID. IT BASICALLY SAYS "YOU MADE YOUR BED NOW YOU SLEEP IN IT." IF THIS KIND OF ADVICE SEEMS HELPFUL TO ANYONE PLEASE RAISE YOUR HAND. "

briarmommy's picture

Submitted by briarmommy on Tue, 05/24/2011 - 7:14pm

I looked at this link and emailed it to my husband, he says that to me all the time, and every time he says it I want to punch him in the face. Maybe if he reads that its not just me and it written out plainly without the usual emotion of my responses to it he will understand.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Tue, 05/24/2011 - 6:56pm

"No dumbarse. I signed up to be YOUR wife and OUR childrens mother. I didn't sign up to be the surrogate parent because you forget to take care of your own children. They are not MY responsibility. They are yours. I will take care of them but when men get into huge court fights for THEIR kids and the time THEY want to be daddy then damnit they can turn up and BE the daddy they told the judge they are.

How dishonest. Marrying someone and dumping her with your kids because you have a game. If you did this to MY kids I would have you back into court.

So the next time you 'forget' I am popping YOUR kids in the car and bringing them to wherever you are ... baseball, the bar. I am dropping them off so you can be the DADDY you told the judge you are. Maybe I should call BM and let her know you are dumping me with her kids?"

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