I was reading stepmom1311's post and it got me to thinking about my own issues. I have been diagnosed with GAD or General Anxiety Disorder. It started in High School for me and I am prone to Anxiety or Panic attacks. (as in I have a few each year) I don't have health insurance at the moment so I am not being treated for it, but I have taken therapy in the past which has helped me through this tough time.

Dating some one with kids probably was not the best choice for me , but you can't help who you fall in love with. BF knows about my issues and has not 'seen' an attack yet. But when BM started to be an issue I told him that I would not put my emotional and physical health on the line for any one. He needs to get control of her or at the very least keep her away from me. Which he has not been doing a very good job of. just to let you know a little bit about GAD...before I tell you the rest.

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What Are the Symptoms of GAD?

GAD affects the way a person thinks, but the anxiety can lead to physical symptoms, as well. Symptoms of GAD can include:

* Excessive, ongoing worry and tension
* An unrealistic view of problems
* Restlessness or a feeling of being "edgy"
* Irritability
* Muscle tension
* Headaches
* Sweating
* Difficulty concentrating
* Nausea
* The need to go to the bathroom frequently
* Tiredness
* Trouble falling or staying asleep
* Trembling
* Being easily startled

In addition, people with GAD often have other anxiety disorders (such as panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and phobias), suffer from depression, and/or abuse drugs or alcohol.

Panic attacks are intense periods of fear or feelings of doom developing over a very short time frame -- up to 10 minutes -- and associated with at least four of the following:

* Sudden overwhelming fear
* Palpitations
* Sweating
* Trembling
* Shortness of breath
* Sense of choking
* Chest pain
* Nausea
* Dizziness
* A feeling of being detached from the world (derealization)
* Fear of dying
* Numbness or tingling in the limbs or entire body
* Chills or hot flushes

Panic attacks and panic disorder are not the same thing. All panic disorders have panic attacks as a symptom. But not all panic attacks are a component of panic disorder. There are other conditions that have panic attacks as a symptom. Some of those include:

* Mitral valve prolapse
* Hypoglycemia
* Hyperthyroidism
* Heart attacks
* Social phobia
* Agoraphobia

Generalized anxiety disorder is excessive and unrealistic worry over a period of at least six months associated with three of the following:

* Restlessness
* Easy fatigue
* Difficulty concentrating
* Irritability or explosive anger
* Muscle tension
* Sleep disturbances
* Personality changes such as becoming less social
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Now having read that should explain why I can't be around BM. She can set me off faster than anyone I have ever met. Just dropping the kids off at her house makes my heart race. That day with her in the car I felt like I was dying on the inside, I kept bouncing my legs and BF kept asking me what was wrong but I couldn't tell him with her so close, so I just said I was antsy. Oh and one thing not listed up there - panic attacks can also have uncontrollable CRYING! I have had at least one of those because of her.

The BF knows about my issues but has never really seen a full blown attack. But I am also avoiding BM because when it says 'explosive anger' That is putting it mildly. I literally see red. Right now when she txt's me I start to go there but I have been able to pull myself back from just going off on her but even that can only last so long and I warn BF about it. I am sure it will happen if she doesn't freaking leave me alone like I ask but I can't warn her because I think she is looking for any way to keep her kids away from me. But I am not dangerous and I usually can feel it coming so I just walk away but BM is the type I think to 'follow' and want to talk about it. because though powerful as the attacks are they don't last long. My ex used to call me a fire cracker - I am bright and loud but don't last long.

When the BF did that to me last week with BM I was angry - seeing red - but lucky for him I didn't see him until after work by then I was still mad but not ragging mad.

I am looking in to getting a copy of my medical records and if BM won't let it go I may have to get a restraining order or something, hope it does not come to that.