My SS went through a phase where everyone though he was gay. During that time I struggled with the possibility and with how I would deal with my own feelings and deal with him if that were the case.

I came to the conclusion that regardless I would love and support him. He is my son.

However, my wife and discussed it and decided that if SS did come out (even his mom thought it likely at that time that he was gay) that we would tell him that we love him and would always have his back but that life is hard enough without adding the additional challenge of living life as a homosexual.

So far it is not looking too likely that SS is gay. He is starting to chase tail like a randy dog and the girls are starting to swarm.

But, I think the message is viable in the event that the future should turn his attentions and affections to the home team.

We will love him and have his back but would hope that he would not have to suffer through the complications of life as a gay man.

As far as your possibly lesbian SD. It is certainly possible that she is an "attention lesbian" and is motivated by the positive attention she gets at school for her GSA activities and by the attention she gets from her lesbian mother now that she has "come out". I have a good friend who has three beautiful daughters who are each married to nice, successful guys with beautiful children and successful marriages. While in college all three girls were "lesbians". They had relationships with other college aged women, they also dated men. All three of the girls decided that there was less drama and distraction within their lesbian relationships so they were "lesbians" in college. My friend refers to his girls as his "lipstick lesbians".

They are young women who dressed like young women and behaved like young women and cultivated significant interests and friends ships with young men (they all three married guys they were friends with in either HS or college) while in college but to avoid the complications and risks of out of wedlock pregnancies, STDs and having to deal with the immature crap that tends to accompany relationships with young men in their teens and early 20's they stuck primarily to women.

So, your SD-16 may just be stretching her wings a bit and leveraging the success she has found with her GSA activities for positive reinforcement with her mother.

Or not. Either way I would recommend that you and DH should have her back on this and tell her that you have her back as well about your concerns about her choice.

IMHO of course.

Ugh...Hard one. The question is, is she really gay or is she seeking her mom's approval?

One of my dearest friends is gay. She has been with her partner forever. And I love them so, so much. If I were gay, she would totally be my crush. She is beautiful, successful, funny, loving, caring..... Just all around a wonderful person. But it hasn't been an easy road for them. That has to be tough for any parent. You naturally want life to be easy for your kids.

I would just offer unconditional support. She is still very young. Kids think that sexuality is an either/or scenario. But it's not. It's a spectrum. It takes some people a lot of time and effort to figure out where they belong in terms of their sexuality.

I agree with Rags. DH said BM had come out as a lesbian at one point in their marriage. She left him for awhile & had several "lesbian" relationships. Then she decided she was straight again & came back.

As far as I know she hasn't had lesbian relationships since then. I guess maybe she's bi, but I'm leaning more toward her just having been curious.

At 16, maybe having been exposed to the lesbian lifestyle she really is curious. Maybe it's just for attention & will pass.

However, if it does turn out that she's a lesbian at heart, she will need your support.

If your husband doesn't want to talk to you about it, try not to push it. As long as you're both on the same page as far as supporting your SD & as long as he understands that he needs to be willing to talk with her about it should she turn to him, things will be okay.

I know with my DH he avoids conversation about his kids like the plague. It's depressing for him, & I understand that. When he feels the need to talk about it, he will. When I need to talk to someone about it (which is more often than he does) I come here.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can. Like Rags said, life is hard without that additional challenge. If she chooses to live the lifestyle, she'll need to know she can turn to you.

It seem to me that she may be just seeking her mother's approval in this case because of some things you mentioned in your post.

I guess if it were me, I'd just let her be however she needs to be and know that it's either real or she will outgrow it, but she just needs supportive parents like any kid regardless of orientation. I wouldn't dwell on it or make it a big deal. It's cool that she's worked so hard in her club and that should be supported just like any other club or accomplishment because she put so much effort into it.

As far as your DH goes, he should realize that she is and always will be daddy's little girl no matter what. Her hurting his feelings has nothing to do with her "coming out", but everything to do with her trying to please BM it seems like. All kids hurt parents' feelings at some point and if they were close they tend to come back once they have established their separateness. She could just be a confused, rebellious teen right now. It's quite the age!

Maybe he could talk to her about breaking promises. It seems that's the main issue between DH and her.

It can happen. My bf's BM also had lesbian relationships after they split_VERY shortly after so there is suspicion this went on before. They now continue off/on. Consequently he now has a BIG issue w/lesbians. Not even is he that opposed towards gay men. I have quite an extensive list of gay men friends-but not lesbians..don't know why.

He's accepted and chats and hangs out w/me and my gay friends w/no hostility or issue.

BUT again, he has an issue w/lesbians. I can't change his mind. He also thinks that his exw traits of agression ties into this matter, and he actually has a strong suspicion that his D MAY try the same route. And he's NOT happy about it.

Him and I disagree on this matter big time...but he has said he would still love her but would let her know his huge dissaproval and would not continue a relationship w/her if that were the case.

Again-people are weird w/this matter, him and I disagree. I would HOPE my boys aren't gay simply because of the extra difficulties in life they would face but would love them and be there for them and still have a relationship just the same.

So far they both seem very attracted to girls though. But not sure what you can do to support him if he feels strongly against it.