Drama queen? What to do??
Can someone help?
I'm sat away from the family now as my partner is now having a heart to heart with her daughter 14 (my sd). We are a gay couple, four years together.
My SD has been acting up for a while now. She is very loud and demanding and never seems to be told no about anything. I thought we were all ok
She moans about her dad and often chooses not to see him or his girlfriend. She often makes fun if her and is very nasty about it. She seemed very unhappy when she visits him so the visits (her choice) have lessened.
The latest is today we had the school ring. She's spoken to the nurse there to say she had self harmed and is blaming the fact her mum and dad are no longer friendly, she doesn't like me or "accept us". Bearing in mind her mum had been gay all sd life. She has no memory of the mum and dad being a couple
Also after every visit from her dad she rants for nearly 2 hours about it. How crap it was etc
My partner thinks I should leave. And is discussing this option with the SD. It's horrible. We have been married three years and together 4. The sd even read a poem on our wedding day and make the cake!
I'm so alone as I have out my all and everything Inot this family. It's not been easy and is very demanding at time.
Any advice or understanding ?
Louise
Uhhhh... if your partner
Uhhhh... if your partner would dump you because her 14yo Pookums says so then you don't have much of a partnership, do you?
Kids these days have access
Kids these days have access to too much information, in my humble opinion. Why do I say that? Because the web is full of teenagers and such who are allowed to freely write blogs about anything and everything! You don't like what your parents are doing, or don't like that they are in a new relationship, do this and that to get your way. Cutting is more popular than it ever was. It is easy, a couple of cuts...doesn't really hurt that much...and then when someone sees it, you lay this whole story on them about how depressed you are, or mistreated, etc.
Now, I'm not saying that this child does not need to go into counseling! I'm just saying that your partner should not allow this child to dictate their lives. And as the previous poster said, if they aren't adult enough to stand up to their child and tell them that they can't control their relationships, and thinks it is best for you to just leave, then you deserve much better! Really! If my DH told me that tomorrow...that it would be better for SD14 if we just split, I would be saying, "Fine, if that is the way you want it...if you are going to let her dictate your life...then I am better off out of this relationship!" Yes, it would hurt, but that is the truth! Of course in my case, he would be the one leaving with SD14, considering I put more into this home than he does (I make more, and I do ALL the work keeping this place up). I wouldn't care if he had to send SD14 back to BMs and he had to go live with his mother...if that is the choice he makes, that is the way it will be.
It's crazy! There are forums
It's crazy! There are forums and blogs out there about cutting...kids getting support from each other to CONTINUE this destrctive behavior! I use a nutrition/fitness tracking app that plugs you into a community. There are a lot of girls in the community supporting each other in their eating disorders! At least before the internet, parents had a chance. Kids didn't have as big of a support network FOR their destructive behavior. But these days, you take them to a counselor, then they spend the night after the session on the internet talking to kids about how stupid the parents and counselors are, and these kids sympathize and agree with them, just undoing anything that the parents or counselors accomplished that day. Any breakthroughs are smashed!
I absolutely agree with you.
I absolutely agree with you. It's bizarre all the internet stuff. I know it's unhelpful crap. It's so bloody manipulating too.
Now she claims the counsellor at school "got it all wrong" and is seriously back tracking.
It's hard!
My partner is apologetic as anything to me. She over reacted towards me / about me and now it's all rubbish. I find it hard to "go back to normal. "
Thanks ... So after the talk
Thanks ... So after the talk it came out that she had been "dumped by her boyfriend , decided to self harm and then went to this counsellor at school, th counsellor "dug deep" about the home life and took it upon herself to decide that the root of all this was her mothers sexuality! She'd apparently described me as quiet and that myself nor her dad really talk much. Also that her dad doesn't come in for coffee anymore and the timing is similar to my coming along. The relationship tween my partner and him was fraying anywsy
It was the teAcher who had a problem with our sexuality. SD doesn't
She knows know different
This was her side of the story. My partner and I obviously fell out and her knee jerk reaction was to discuss our relationships with sd - to reiterate how serious all this was
Of course I a still hurting.
And aware SD side could all be crap. She is now going to talk to the counsellor
Thanks again
P
Her dad is being a total
Her dad is being a total prick in the back ground and I think my partner saying anything to the effect of us splitting up was as a way of letting her know the serious implications her behaviour was having. I don't know. It's all very confusing and fucked up. She was mainly hurt about the fact the school had actually rang. We obviously fell out and it was being conveyed how muh hurt sd had brought to the house. For no apparent reason.
We have both come to the fact that she is attention seeking and as we both said to her(united) well, you have our attention- now what
Splitting up is NOT an option.
My partner was hurt It's a tough situation to get your head around
Thanks for replying
These kids don't think about
These kids don't think about how they affect others when they play their little games, as long as it gets them what they want! They could care less about their parent's relationship with a new partner or spouse, they could care less about the kind of trouble they can get people into.
Praying your family can get past this in a way that snaps your SD out of this little world she seems to live in.