Is he right or am I????
OK! It is happening AGAIN!!! We planned on getting my sd for Fri and Sat night so we could go to my parents for a cookout on Sat. We told my sd we would take her home early Sun. b/c her cousin (which she hates and her mom says she doesn't like) is coming up and her grandmother is making her feel bad for not being there. Well, my sd called last night and told dh that she didn't want to stay Sat. cause she needed to be there in case he got there. He told her that we already made plans, but to decide what she wants to do. I asked him why he couldn't just tell her she has to stay and not let her make the decisions (she's only 9). He said her grandmother will tell her she doesn't even have to come at all if he does that. The bm doesn't do anything, but just say no one said anything about her coming back (which is NOT true). Should he stand up to her or just let it be. This is all been bothering him more lately and has been occuring more often too. I feel them letting the 9 year old make the decisions is putting more pressure on her, but the dh says that the grandmother tries to manipulate her into not staying with us. Why can't he not make that an option. If it is not an option for the child to decide wouldn't it be easier for her?
I'm not an expert...
but have had this problem happen OFTEN in my own situation.
IMHO the SD is a child and children can't dictate their (or your) schedule at all times. It is also important to teach SD that when you make a committement the right thing to do is honor that committment. The SD is part of your family now and should participate in family activities.
By DH being so paassive about this issue, he send the message that his time with his daughter is not as important as everyone else's and it is. He also opens the door for others (namely BM and grandmother) to disregard your time, plans, family, and schedules more often.
I always get advice on here about being more open and communicative (not shouting, blaming, or giving silence treatment- which I am still learning how not to do) with my Fiance. I have to admit, when I do discuss my feelings, it makes a world of difference. You should express your thoughts and feelings to your DH. After all, if he married you, your input, opinions, feelings should be his top priority.
Best of luck to you...
Alexis G.