Someone, please help this troubled SM!
I'm having a bit of trouble adapting to this whole SM thing...
Let me begin by saying that my husband and I are very young. He was never married to SS bio-mom, and they separated when SS was about a year old. SS is now 3 and I am having a very difficult time adapting. There are many issues, I don't even know where to begin. I guess the main issue is that I have become extremely jealous, at least I think it's jealousy. I have never been a jealous person and I don't really know where this has come from! I feel like bio-mom has a lot of control over my husband because of SS and it makes me very jealous. Also, I often times feel jealous of SS. I hate to admit this, and it makes me feel terrible, selfish and pathetic. How can I be jealous of a 3 year old, a child who is in the middle of this very messy situation through no fault of his own? I moved to a different country, away from my parents, sisters and friends to be w my husband. It makes me very resentful to think that I have given up so much to be with him and I will always come second to SS. I know that I shouldn't compare myself to SS and that my husband loves us both, but I can't help it. I often feel like I have invested and given up so much more for this relationship than my husband has. We have SS every weekend and I get along fairly well with him, but he is very attached to my husband and I often feel like the third wheel. I wish I could love SS but I feel like I won't until I work past all of these issues. Someone, please help me!
Do you and DH have date night
Do you and DH have date night once a week? Even if it's for one hour on a weeknight, that's much better than nothing. Try to carve out alone time for each other during the week by doing things like eating dinner together, going to bed early together, and talking with each other about each other.
Also, tell DH how you're feeling in a way that doesn't bash SS. I think it would be very beneficial to him and SS if they did some things alone together, just father-and-son, but there should be some family things in there too, i.e. you can all play together, eat dinner together when he's over, etc. You can also try to connect with SS by playing with him and reading to him.
DH also needs to enforce reasonable boundaries with BM- i.e. he can request that she text/email him to communicate with him unless it's an emergency, please don't call me after a certain time unless it's an emergency, enforce his visitation rights with SS if she tries to withhold him, and consult you in decisions that will affect you.