DH putting pathetic adult SD first!
Recently we've had some petty crime incidents in our neighborhood and yesterday DH and I discussed telling my SD (26) who unfortunately lives with us. My DH stated that "he didn't want to scare her." At that point, I asked him "what about me being scared" and his response was "oh, you'll be ok."
Now is it just me here or is this a first class moron response? At this point I feel that if my husband's top priority is to protect his precious daughter over me then perhaps I should find and marry someone who knows how to treat a wife. The last time I checked, it's a husband's job to protect his wife.
Of course I understand that he's just being a protective dad, but to be taken so lightly was like a slap in the face. This entire incident makes me feel like I don't come first in his life (we've had discussions about this before), and before we got married his older sister even told me "make sure you come first."
Am I overreacting here? At this point, I have nothing to say to him and can barely stand to look at him.
Opinions needed please! Thanks in advance.
I completely agree with you.
I completely agree with you. And, as it occurs continuously (you getting the bottom ranking), you eventually learn to either completely detach and ignore or get out.
And, how 'bout that school of thought that if a MAN were good to his DAUGHTERS and his MAMA that he'd treat his wife like a queen!! HAHA, that's a good one, isn't it!!
That's why I just do my own thing anymore, S. I refuse to get involved with "poor daddy" and mama's boy issues that have nothing to do with me. My school of thought is this anymore....don't be surprised if you (DH) wake up one day and KKat has moved on. Go cry to your mama and your whiny daughters.
i agree tacky and
i agree tacky and disrespectful.... but MAYBE, what he meant was "you're not a dumb ass like dd and you pay attention to your surroundings.... you have common sense S61 i don't have to point out and remind you of the obvious"
that's just a maybe, but that was first reaction..
I appreciate all comments.
I appreciate all comments. This is really starting to get to me. He apologized for the comment, but it's not just the comment by any means.
Since she lives with us, I see him cater to her and be more attentive to her than to me. And since we don't get along you would think that he would be more mindful of his actions towards her when I'm around. We haven't been married that long and I put it on the table tonight. Either do better, or I'm going to leave you here with her just as I found you. And when you get sick - see if she'll be around to wipe your a@#@#" for you.
I feel like I'm in competition with my SD and I'm not sure of how much more of this I can take!
Shannon, I will be posting a
Shannon, I will be posting a blog on here SOON regarding this issue, but I'll give you the skinny...
IT'S NOT WORTH it. My OWN BD is heading off to college in a few days, my sweetheart. Just a GREAT KID (and there are people who log onto this site who have met her).
The CRAP that she and I put up with regarding my H's 3 30 something "infants" makes me sick. I should have put a stop to it a long time ago or should have gotten out. My saving grace is that I have had NOTHING to do with those whiners for the past two some years (since I joined this site, which is why I have a problem with people coming on here to cause problems. This site absolutely saved my life).
And, since she is leaving and dorming at college, I really have no reason to stay here anymore. My memories of her are/will always be of fun and laughs NEVER DRAMA like those "three". She witnessed them screaming at me, harassing me, sending me hate mail, etc. and I was like a WIMP. I never stood up. If I could do it all again, I would have told him AND their pathetic "daddy" to just TAKE A LONG HIKE.
In a nutshell, I have NO INTENTION of ever having any degree of a relationship with those "people". I hope "daddy" finds someone else who will put up with the bullcrap. I am not angry in any way sense or form. I simply REGRET that I WASTED great happy times in my life being the "nice guy" when I should have left skidmarks.
I just want to add this
I just want to add this "daddy" story for you to put things into perspective even more....
Last October, my H and I went away for 3 days. Not three weeks, not three months. Three days. My D, then 17 was here (my mom doesn't live far away, so she checked up on things) and she took care of the plants, the pets, etc. Of course she had friends over, but there were no "problems" regarding anything.
Lo and behold, doesn't his middle daughter get her second DUI the weekend we were away. I'm not talking getting stopped by police, I'm talking hitting another vehicle and trashing hers.
We were no sooner in the door, I had to go to work, doesn't my H call me SOBBING while I'm at work how he must help MSD (29 at the time!!) as she "hurt her ribs"...WTF and that's not even the best of it!!
Don't his oldest and youngest HACK INTO My D's facebook and find some outdated picture of my D and her friends playing "leap frog" in the kitchen with a case of Miller Lite in the background. It was my H's case of beer!!!! I was THERE when they were playing "leap frog", I probably took the damn picture.
Long story short, per my H and his slimers, my D is taking advantage and having beer parties when I'm not here....talk about typical Freudian displacement....his DAUGHTER nearly KILLS someone and trashes her vehicle, but let's not worry about that. MY daughter has the issues.
His D's will NEVER have access to my D's facebook ever again. It's just not worth it anymore. I will NEVER say that my daughter is a total angel, but she's an all-star athlete, a great student. She KNOWS that since I am a teacher that "beer parties" are not allowed here.
Really kills those "loving feelings", doesn't it. I don't even sleep in the same bed as my H anymore. I hope he gets his wish someday. Maybe all THREE of his darlings will be in bed with him someday. Eeeew.
KittyKat I'm actually making
KittyKat I'm actually making plans to leave next year because I don't believe the BS will change. I was against moving in from the start and should have stuck with my guns. We had a better relationship when we were dating. At least we had privacy.
I was hoping that SD would get her stuff together and move out, but now her plans have been delayed. She'll turn 27 soon and I'm sick of coming home from work everyday seeing her smug face (she's supposedly looking for work).
The other night DH cooked dinner and I half expected him to make her a plate, take it to her and feed her. The sad thing is that she doesn't regard him as highly as he regards her.
I've made up my mind, I'm not taking a back seat to my SD or anyone else. And when SD eventually goes off to lead her own life and DH is left alone, he'll realize how big of an idiot he's been.
And, that in itself is
And, that in itself is perplexing, Shannon....
What 27 year old wants to hang out with her "daddy"???
This site was such a Godsend to me because I had never dealt with issues like these before. My own dad had the "once you're out of college, you're out the door" philosophy (and just about any other "dad" I ever knew...). My parents are still together, but if I EVER raised my voice to ANY adult in my dad's presence, I'd still be trying to extract the size 12 shoe from my ass.
I'm just so glad for people like you (and Sarah101, Now4Teens, Mustang, StepAside, etc...) who also know that THIS BEHAVIOR is just not NORMAL and help keep me SANE. It also reinforces that we DON'T have to put up with it and that WE HAVE the power now to SAY NO TO THE MADNESS!!
KittyKat, a 26 year old still
KittyKat, a 26 year old still living at home? Sounds like some enabling going on here. A 26 yr old that is being sheltered from the crime in the area? I don't know what your boyfriend/husband is thinking. She is not a child. Time for to be strong and stand hard on the ground you walk on. She needs to go, she needs to put on her big-girl panties and start taking care of herself and daddy needs to stop coddling his baby girl.
If he is truly concerned for
If he is truly concerned for her safety he would tell her so she could be armed with caution.. not caught off guard and made vulnerable.
This site is indeed amazing
This site is indeed amazing and I thank God I found it as well.
It's long past time for SD to move out, but why should she if daddy is dumb enough to take care of her basic needs. She's too stupid to know that her still living at home is a reflection on her character as well. She has a master's degree - so it's not like she's not prepared to become self-reliant.
When I was her age, I was looking forward to getting my own place and leading my own life, and even started buying stuff and packing it away in advance. I don't see that motivation or excitement in her. So I have no respect for her.
DH's entire family and her BM have sent her job leads because they know it's time for her to go. Before I moved in I knew he coddled her, but not to this extent. He's enabled her so badly, that it's a wonder she even learned how to drive.
I too told him that the best thing he could do is warn her of the crimes so that she would be more aware, not continue to coddle her like she's 5 year old.
I've told DH that if she's not gone by Christmas of next year, I will be. Not only is she lazy, and petty, but to see him cater to her and kiss her ass is becoming to much for me to deal with.
Thank you all for you wisdom and insight, it's much appreciated.