Your SD need therapy, and quickly. These kinds of destructive and hurtful behaviors need to stop now. I don't want to jump to any conclusions but these behaviors, the random violence with peers and intentional infliction of pain and death on animals are two signs of a serious personality disorder. I don't think you can personally do anything other than convince your BF that therapy needs to happen now or your SD will get worse.

and when their parents aren't raising them to be well mannered, well no one is going to like them. Isn't it sad that her parents (mostly the mother b/c she has her full time) doesn't lover her daughter enough to teach her good social and family boundaries? This poor child! It isn't her fault she behaves this way, but it is what it is. And really, how much can you guys do 4 days a month? It's just an impossible situation to try to undo, and then redo in that short of timeframe!

You are not a horrible person b/c you expect parents to raise their children to behave. Yes, all kids do and say things inappropriate sometimes, but when they are 100% ill mannered, then there is a problem. My ss is now 13, and his mother never has worked with his behavior. Of course she will complain about it, expect us to jump in and save her from his bad manners, but she will not do anything different with herself.

We have decided not to be a huge part of my ss life. It's a huge dilemma b/c it isn't ss's fault that he acts the way he does, but he isn't going to change until his mother changes, and hell will freeze over before that happens. We have not seen my ss in almost two months, and his mother came to the house yesterday to pick up the last of his belongings. We painted over his room, turned it into an office, and we are just moving on with our own lives w/o ss and his irrational mother. We feel we are writing off working with his mother, and rightfully so.

If you are seeking advice, my advice to you would be, move very slow into your relationship with your bf, and perhaps, have him be the only person to interact with his daugther on the weekends. I personally do not like how my ss is outright disrespectful to me and my family members in my house, therefore my ss is no longer invited to be under my roof. If my dh wants to see his son, we have agreed he will go pick his son up, go spend the day with him, and return him to his mothers house at the end of the day. My dh agrees that we should not have to suffer the abuse my ss delivers under our own roof.

You are doing the right thing by letting him handle her temper tantrums, but who is really taking the abuse when you guys are at home? And your poor kids are picking up the tab too. If I were in your situation, I would send my kids to their father's on the same weekend sd is over, and I would make major plans for myself to be gone while sd is over. And anything you cherish and value, I would put those things in storage. Once a hurting child discovers that you enjoy something, she is going to take her anger out on you and anything you value. So, stop that train wreck by not having valuables out while she is over.

This poor little girl is going to have hard time fitting in with society every where she goes. Poor kid. I don't understand why parents have kids when they don't want to raise them...I just don't get it.

Candice

I am a teacher, too, so I know you understand what behavior like this can indicate. You and BF need to have a serious talk about this child and her need for immediate therapy. Hurting animals is a serious indicator of potential problems. You shouldn't have to put your children and pets in danger because BF doesn't want to see the problems. Perhaps you and he could talk to some of the teachers at the preschools so that he can get a clear picture of just what her behavior means?

I agree with the other ladies. This behavior goes beyond the typical actions of a spoiled child. If DH doesn't have the authority to take his daughter to a counselor, I would immediately go to court to address this issue. Start documenting the child's behaviors, even the little things. Try and jot down all of the bizarre behaviors that you've observed as of late. Get your notes together so that when you go before a judge, you'll have a slam dunk case. I can't imagine that ANY judge would dismiss this as some kind of normal "stage" or some kind of normal response to the stress of a blended family. From what you've said, SD seems to have little to no conscience or guilt about the pain that she inflicts on animals and people, and that could prove dangerous for her and for you if she's not taken to a professional.

GOOD LUCK!!!! Keep us posted.

Sweetie, I have soooo been there!!!! I hated my SD for so long. We have full custody of her so my entire life was turned upside down. My BD wanted to move out and she is only seven. It was heartbreaking to think that I was going to lose the love of my life because of this child. We sought therapy and have been going for six months now. We have discovered that she has abused and neglected prior to us getting custody, her mother was using meth in her presence, on visitation days, her grandfather was subjecting her to violence. This little girl has so many issues and anger from what we never knew she was going through. So remember that no child is bad. There is something deeper causing this behavior. Children act out like that because they have not developed the ability to communicate properly. I promise you therapy will help... ALL OF YOU. My daughter thanks me now for not giving up, we still have behavior problems with my SD but understanding why now helps. Things are a million times better and she is a loving child. I would not trade her for anything. She completed our family and was worth all the turmoil for the end result. You SD really needs to have someone help her because she is crying out. Good Luck. I promise it gets better

You said your daughter cries when she knows she is coming because she is mean, well I know she is 4 but she is not acting like a four year old. SO teach your daughter to defend herself.. there is no reason at all why she should have to put up with her beating up on her.. Better yet why don't you all kick your husbands ass for not putting this child in her place. That is pretty sad that his friends are telling him. Wow.. I am sorry..

Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

Ummmm....You just described my step brat to a tee..She was like that in all areas and worse.. I met DH just a few months shy of her fourth birthday and yes at times she almost caused me to believe in demonic possession..she was that "evil" and "malicous" to other kids and creatures..She isn't like that anymore but she is still an absolute nightmare in many other ways..

It's called Conduct Disorder....It's a nice way of saying that the child is a "sociopath" while not labeling them as one.. Children can not be "labled" as Sociopathic until they reach 15 t0 18 years of age..So for the younger ones they give it a fluffy name... Basically she is a "baby sociopath"..

Do a web search on Conduct Disorder or Sociopathic Child..You will come up with some interesting information and you will probably find yourself shocked and scared at how many of the symptoms your SD manifests....The child needs to see a child Psychiatrist ASAP...