New wife excluded from wedding
I am a second wife, married to DH for 3 years. BM was with him for 10 years. The children love me and we get along well. There have been serval issues between BM and DH in this time. I also get along with the Inlaws. The only one I can't get along with is his brothers wife to be! They are together for 9 years and are getting married in December.
Due to a fight his wife to be started with me, over something rediculus, she doesn't want contact with me. I came into DHs life 4 years after he divorced BM, his brothers wife though thinks I am the cause of the problems DH and BM have. She invited BM to their wedding. DH was quit upset about it and told his brother. His brother told his wife to be and she picked a fight with me over that. Once again she thinks it's all my fault. Funny enough, I get along with BM quit ok.
I am not invited to their wedding now over a silly fight, which I didn't have anything to do with!
What should I do? What should DH do? Should he still go? I am honestly not conftable if he does go there with BM, which he manages to see only for drop off and pick up. He would love to see his family but he isn't conftable going there without me. He doesn't know what he should do! His brother is backing up his wife. DH already tried to talk to them. They do not want me at their wedding!
If I were your DH, and my
If I were your DH, and my brother told me that my SO wasn't welcome at his wedding, I wouldn't go either. As a matter of fact, I *have* skipped occasions where I've been told my SO (at the time) wasn't welcome.
Your DH has to set the standard as far as what is acceptable towards you. If he goes without you, he is condoning his brother's exclusion of you. If he doesn't go either, he is communicating to his brother that the two of you are a package and his brother does not have the power to exclude you.
Just my two cents.
L
That's what I thought also
That's what I thought also but I was worried that I am to selfish. Due to this fight his brothers wife started I am worried that it will effect the good relationship we were able to establish with bm. That relationship includes: no contact unless it's about the children. Also I am worried that it will effect our relationship to the rest of the family, as brothers wife is very manipulative and she has been around way longer then me.
Well she will make me look
Well she will make me look like the nasty one in the first place, no doubt. She unfortunatly is like a daughter to my inlaws and like a sister to the others. I am the newbie. She picked a fight without reason. I threw the ball back at her as I don't take any crap from her.
You two are a team. If one
You two are a team. If one isn't invited, the other shouldn't go, period.
How do you think I should act
How do you think I should act round her and brother? They just build a house next to my inlaws and whenever we are visiting the inlaws, we will see them also, as DHs kids love to meet up with their 5 cousins. The least I want is my SS's not seeing their 5 cousins due to our fight.
You are already married. You
You are already married. You live together as husband and wife for 3 yrs. Ms Shackup is getting married and is morphing into bridezilla. So let her have her pretend virginal wedding. Like it matters? She has been living with the guy for YEARS! And they have kids and NOW they want to make it into a big deal? Who is she trying to kid?
Just keep your distance. If she tries to engage you in a fight or arguement just smile and say "I understand your point, let's agree to disagree, OK?" and walk away into another room. If she gets nasty, walk away outside. If she REALLY pushes it at your in-laws turn to them and say " Time for us to leave, thank you for having us."
See often we get into a battle with people and we use the same Rules of Engagement. Obviously this little chick is used to getting her own way. So let her. Don't attend her stupid 8 yrs-too-late wedding. She is jealous of you for some reason. This is why she makes you out to be the bad guy. She is shit scared you will take her place as the "Favoured One". This is why she uses any excuse to make you look bad/evil/horrid/mean/hateful.
Just continue being the grown up and let her throw her tantrums somewhere else. If things get too bad at the in-laws just tell your MIL and FIL you will love to have them visit you in your home. Then your future SIL will have no idea what is going on because she will not come to your home.