We don't see them much, but good! Sorry for your situation. It certainly does not sound too fun. Hang in there, wish I had some words of wisdom.

My MIL hated BM when she was married to DH - in fact I think the whole family did. FIL said he forbid DH from seeing her (they went to HS together). But then I came into the picture and MIL learned real quick she wasn't going to step all over me and she became all buddy buddy with BM. DH had health scare in december 09 and we saw here then for 1 day but before and after that it had been years. She's never seen DS and probably never will. We have pretty much zero relationship with DH's 3 sisters just due to distance - 2 of them have seen DS once and the other one - never. I know they will probably never see DD who is due in 4 weeks either. I see my FIL maybe 1 every other month but DH talks to him weekly I think. It will be weeks if not months before he sets eyes on his new granddaughter too. Not by our choice - just because that's the way he is.

We get along good now...... FDH sister tried to start some stuff the first year we dated and took another 2 1/2 years for his mom to let it go. I think the only reason she did, is because FDH told her he was going to propose and she finally realized that I wasn't going anywhere. Now her and I get along great! I also get along with the rest of his family too. In fact just a couple of months ago, the sister that started all the drama came up to me during a get together and apologized and said that she was wrong and wanted to just let the past be the past. I told her that I had already done that and was sooooo over it. Life is too short to hold grudges!!

We have never lived closer than 1500 miles from my ILs. I get along pretty well with all of them though they think I am the poor idiot urban SIL who knows nothing about farming. I don't know anything about farming but I am an engineer and an MBA and do know that any business is intended to make money and if it is not I can analyse the situation and develop an implement improvments. They are not farmers, they are farm hobbyists though they would never admit that.

I think they are incapable of making a viable decision about anything which is evidenced by the never ending series of farm foreclosures and serial bankruptcy filings that they subject themselves to because of poor financial decisions.

We visit them ever few years as a family and I put my wife on a plane for a visit once or twice a year.

Best regards.

Oh boy... I used to devote a TON of time and energy obsessing over this issue… DH has a VERY close family (Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister & husband and kids… etc.) like, talks on the phone several times each and every day with each and every one of them kinda close family! And all I wanted from the moment we started dating was to be “accepted” by them. I knew it would take time for them to “love” me… but I really worked hard to prove to them that I was at least “acceptable”.

They’re wonderful… loving people. DH and I grew up in the same town, went to high school together, knew all of the same people, did all of the same things… basically cut from the same cloth all around. Even our family’s ethnicities are similar (loud, demonstrative, emotional Irish/Italians!)… so I was really excited to be a part of a family I could FINALLY relate to after years of feeling like an alien on display with my ex-husband’s family.

Unfortunately… it was a hard road at first.
MIL called me “that little tomato” (the hussy in the way of her son regaining his picture perfect wife and family) and refused to even be in the same room with me in the beginning. Which made it hard for any of them to be accepting of me seeing as the matriarch was leading the way with a torch and pitchfork in her fists.

I think what eventually “won them over” was a combination of DH’s unyielding honesty and persistence… how he was in their faces daily telling them what a nightmare his life with Mother Russia was and how he’s finally found his soul mate and love of his life… and my constant demonstrations of MY love and devotion to their son and his kids. It was a LOT of work… I had to have a pretty tough skin and an unflinching smile on at all times. Eventually “the little tomato” became “how’s my sweet girl”… though I still jab her with tomato references any chance I get! Even sent her a set of kitchen towels with tomatoes on them for Christmas!

I won’t even get into the pain their pampering of Mother Russia still causes me… I know in my heart that even though their son couldn’t live with her it doesn’t mean they can’t love her as their grandchildren’s mom and show her the proper respect there in… but damn it! Mother Russia was given them to her on a silver platter! And when DH was married to her she shit on their faces any chance she got! It took their divorce to show her how wonderful they are and what she was missing out on… now she covets them like gold. And never misses a chance to throw their love for her in my face. It’s the only chip in the armor that is my marriage to DH… and brother does she stab at it with a sharpened blade.

To sum up a really long and boring answer to your question… *winks*
I love them… I’ve accepted that they can love me and Mother Russia both and it’s not a kick to my nuts (it’s just the kind of loving people they are)… and all I can do to prove my place in their family is to continue being the light in their son’s eyes.

My mom just rocks! *ha!*

Have a great relationship with my in-laws. They like me and I really like them. They don't like BM, in fact, my SILs never did like her from day one and disliked her even more for the way she treated DH during their marriage, the divorce and the her half ass attempts at being a "mother" to SS. Despite that, all are civil with her when they do see her which is once in a blue moon. As for family events with SS? She does her thing with him and her hubby plus skids and we do our thing with him and the rest of the family but I'd imagine for events like graduation, we'd all be civil.