Wow. Maybe it will work. I'm so glad that DH stood up for you. Maybe it will work because she sees that she can't have him whipped anymore. Good for him and good for you.

I completely disagree with BlendedFam, you weren't out of line at all! You and your husband and your skids are a family and she intruded inappropriately on your family time. As the "mom" (step or not) in your family, you had every right to tell her to stay out of your family/custody time. Her actions affect YOU and your weekend with your family and you have every right to set a boundary.

I think she texted your husband because like lots of BMs, she probably doesn't get the fact that our husbands our a team with us, a united front. Last time I upset our BM, instead of calling me directly, she called H and appropriately he told her that he supported me fully and that if she has a problem with me, she needs to talk to ME. She is a total coward and scared of talking to me and tried to refuse. He passed the phone to me and I told her the same and that if she has a problem with me, going through H is not appropriate and he won't speak for me other than to support me. She lost it and yelled at me and I told her that I wouldn't tolerate rudeness and would hang up on her if she was rude and I did! She learned her lesson and finally figured out that H and I do not do things secretly from each other. She apparently thought that H was unaware of the "evil" things I do to her (such as take good care of her kids) and was shocked to discover that H and I share everything and that when she is talking to him, I am usually right there and vice versa.

Custody arrangements are technically between the bio-parents (usually), but in reality we are family units and one parents behavior affects all family units. SMs are not babysitters or nannies and when a BM intrudes on the other bio-parent's custody time, she is not only intruding on her ex and the kids, she is intruding on the SM and the family unit as a whole.

You were upset, understandably, and as a parent (yes, steps are parents too) you responded directly to the BM. She chose to not respond directly and texted your H, which means SHE chose to take the immature "high school" route, not you.

People can advise you to stay out of it and be uninvolved, but that causes two specific problems. First, it communicates to the BM that she has the right to invade your family time and if you do nothing, it sets a dangerous precedent. Secondly, it is important to make it as clear as possible to the BM that you and your husband are a united front and that she can't selectively communicate with who she wants to and cannot do actions that affect you and then expect that you won't respond. It seems like a lot of BMs are under the mistaken impression that during the dads custody time, the SM is off in lala land doing whatever and not involved and while sometimes we aren't there and some SMs are less involved than others, but whatever the BM likes to think, the usual case is that the dad, the SM and the skid(s) are a family when they are together. During our custody time, I am not off frolicking in the fields or shopping or having single girl fun time, I am right there next to my husband being a SM to my skids. I do make sure to let the boys have special dad time and also will take each out alone to do special activities so they get one on one time with both their dad and me. In general though, we spend time like most families, together, and my H and I make decisions as a parental team.

Basically, I think you handled that great and you should be proud of yourself for being so strong and assertive. Setting boundaries is one of the most important things you need to do with BMs, especially inappropriate ones like this one. It is also wonderful to hear that your husband backs you up so strongly. Whoohooo!!!! Anyway, my main comment is: You go girl!!!!!

You were right to not have the girls feed BM's dogs on your weekend. But I don't agree that you should have texted her about how it's your weekend, that should have come from DH. Your FAMILYS weekend with the kids does not revolve around BM's dogs being fed. Her dogs are her responsibility to handle.

The situation would have been totaly different if BM had ask BF if it's ok to have the girls feed the dogs, AND he agreed to it. The idea that she would think its OK to have the girls do this on your family's weekend is crazy. She didn't know if you were going away for the weekend or had activities planned with the girls.

The audacity of some of these BMs drives me crazy. I'm a BM and I would never pull this stunt.

Thanks guys! I'm glad there are others that agree with what seems totally obvious! Lol.

I agree Bm should have requested from BF that the kids help feed the pets. I'm sure that the animals are not only bm's pets but the kids. and as their pets they can help with the responsibility of taking care of the animals.

The issue comes from Bm "assuming" that you have no plans with the kids and that you will make them available to do so.

I really don't see why if you are in the same town that this is an issue to argue over. If BF wants to handle the situation with Bm than have him address the issue but as a sm and a bm, he is setting you up for problems and hositity that you as a sm should not have to deal with. Its not like the kids are having to milk the cows, they are feeding dogs that takes less than 10 minutes to do.

I really believe that when bf's do things like this that it only makes situations worse. I have always attempted to gain cooperation from polite requests and direct truthful responses. If it is not a real issue ignore it. Send a request text requesting permission or in your case that you would like notice next time so that there isnt a situation where both of you are out of town at the same time and she is left with hungry animals.

Just this weekend we had a simular issue involvig ss going to camp this sunday during BM's week. The problem is that we have primary placement and she only told ss about it. He assumed that we knew and all of a sudden Friday night at 5pm we have to hurry and wash clothes and pack for camp. It would have really helped to have BM let us know that ss needed to be prepared. Can't make BM be a real mom is she is so jealous and riddled with hate that she refuses to communicate or cooperate with the custody order.

In the long run the kids will know that you were there for them and I really believe that even though things are really really tough right now with both ss's that they are learing how to treat their wives/girlfriends and children in the future because of how we respond to BM.

Well i am with you on not having the girls to ride their bikes to her house to feed the dogs..... she is there and the adult - she can do it. Personally I would not have gotten in the middle of the communication between her and BF. He needs to stand up to his children's mother and handle the situation. I think you provided him the easy way out of that situation. Now BM will probably continue with the drama as she knows she will be able to get away with it and he will not handle it himself..................