Well well well…
If it isn't the consequences of her own actions coming back to bite her in the ass.
Not that I am celebrating in somebody's misery, because I don't do that in general and that is not what this is about, but I certainly am glad that my SD 12 has finally had to face a real consequence of her own actions regarding her irresponsibility and inability to listen to what she has been told to do as well as be held accountable to follow through with something.
She joined track this season and loves it. Well, apparently something she didn't realize is that if she has missing assignments (CONSTANT ISSUE, along with bad grades) that the coach won't let her participle in track meets.
Well, she found out the hard way today that she will not be able to go to her track meet tonight because she has SEVERAL missing assignments so guess who came home all sulky and mopey today? And guess who got to get out of sitting at a track field while 9 months pregnant in 80 degree weather? Lol...
Hopefully this is the start of something good for her considering something is on the line that she cares about and the school won't bend to her meltdowns or change the rules for her.
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Natural consequence (the ones
Natural consequence (the ones we don't have to apply as step-parents...because step parents already get a bad rap as the mean enforcers) are good for them as long as they're age-appropriate and teachable moment that can help them do better in the future.
wonder why she is constantly missing assignments?
Amen to that!
Yes! 1000%
Step parents seem to not get much say when it comes to discipline yet we have to deal with the consequences of poor choices of Skids in our households negatively affecting us.
Missing assignments and bad grades are an issue and always have been simply because my SD is extremely lazy and will not apply herself and uses school as a social activity/popularity contest instead of taking anything seriously. She has no self discipline and is unfortunately not held accountable. Even though he's an amazing guy, DH overcompensates for her emotionally distant mother and because of this won't discipline her and doesn't want little princess to ever be uncomfortable or upset. I e disassociated from SD at this point. Love my DH and have seen his attempts but there's never been enough consistency to make a true change.
Isn't it funny how Karma
Isn't it funny how Karma works. The same event with two very different Karmic outcomes.
Pouty sorrow for her, a joyous reprieve for you.
I applaud the coach.
Too bad the Dunce Cap is no longer a thing in schools. Or at least some other source of public humiliation for behavioral issues. Disruption in class, not turning in assignments, etc... Not for otherwise poor grades, but for kids who fail behaviorally.
Yep!
Yup! Saved my Friday night, that's for sure! I wish I could say she learned from this but my hopes for her are low.
I agree- being embarrassed from time to time motivates people to be better, but in this day in age people are too soft. They can't handle it. My SD is the epitome of this. Look at her wrong and she starts bawling her eyes out. No emotional control or regulation. *eye roll*
A former boss of mine was
A former boss of mine was fond of dropping the frequent "Lower your expectations so you won't be disappointed." line.
For SParents, it is sound advice. If the Skid meets the lowered expectations, it is no surprise. If they exceed those lowered expectations.... Bonus!
"Lower your expectations so
THIS 100%
The skids I dealt with were raised by Disneyland parents so when they came to my house....trying to get them up to par to the same level of home - training and academic excellence as my bio was like a lost cause as their bio parent fought me tooth and nail like "oh it's the weekend...just let these kids sleep till 2pm, laze in bed/game all day, then stay up all night and rome around the house till 3:45am like zombies who own the place"
I came to the point where I only expected them to do bare a$$ minimum (ex. Make up their bed) because that's all the bio parents thought they could handle - as if they were mentally challenged and disabled or something
THIS was also the moment I realized I could never see the skids as equal to my bio because the bar was set so low.
But once I let go of having his kids raised to the same standards of excellence as mine (and just focused my attention and energy on my bio) it was a bit easier for me because I couldn't be disappointed as much about it and my resources weren't wasted trying to help the "unhelpable"
standards of excellence ...
When I came to live with my SO and the two SS13 twins, I thought I could raise them with standards of excellence to conquer the world, to be edcuated men... HELLO!!! what a wake up call. My first attempt was to tell my SO that the kids needed to study and read an hour a day, and polish their math, mostly one of them who has ADHD and Dislexia, so he could be up to par and have a chance in life... O-M-G! My SO snapped at me and told me that I was always criticizing the children and always had bad things to say.
Fast forward 7 years later, ADHD SS20 cannot keep up with community college acting classes, works as a bouncer in a nightclub full of drug users and has no aspirations in life but to live at parents' house pretending he is a mature man... the other SS went to a good university in another town, started a career in Computer science, flunked math twice, lost his opportunity - the U did not allow him to stay in the career. Then, He chose the easiest career regardless of him liking it or not, just because he wanted "something tolerable and very little work". He's failed another math course, is partying, and doing pot and beer... I guess I had a vision into the future 7 years ago....
I guess BPs don't believe in standards of excellence .... or these require a lot of disciplining of the spawns and it might hurt theeem... "rolling my eyes"
My tactic in dealing with
My tactic in dealing with people like your SO is "Facts are neigher good nor bad. They are merely facts." In the case you suffered through, the fact is you were not mean to the Skids, you were true to the facts. Since he was not, SO failed as a parent and his spawn are the ones who will suffer that failure for the remainder of their lives.
As for seeing into the future. The best indicator or future performance is past behavior. You did see into the future. Sadly, daddy can not even recognize the present.
My parents were the "Stay up
My parents were the "Stay up as late as you want" type when parenting teens. But there was no "sleep as late as you want". We did the same with SS.
I have long been a night owl. But, even I have learned that the world does not adjust to night owls. So, I stick to schedule, mostly anyway.
yeah I dropped my stance on
yeah I dropped my stance on making his kids go to bed by a certain time - after a being tired of uphill battle (unless I was sick and didn't want to hear them being loud all night)
I did however enforce all of them to go to their rooms by 10pm. Hungry? Better eat within the 12 waking hours like most normal people/take a power bar and some water - this came after Disney dad helped them open my kitchen at 11pm, bang around the kitchen, disturb my sleep, leave dishes on sink after I cleaned/closed the kitchen, then gaslit me after I asserted my boundaries
I live in a dangerous city and have ptsd from a predator breaking into my place while I was almost drifting off to sleep. So once nighttime hits I like to be able to hear and see everything (like I'm hyper vigilant in certain circumstances) .... juuust in case - no ambient tv, no pitter patter of overgrown skids flinstone feet, no gaming self mumbles, etc.
it also kind of irked me to have kids have free range of my home when they don't pay bills, don't contribute, generally do slim to nothing to help make themselves useful ... want to free range around a home 24/7? Get a job! And get your own home to come and go/do as you please. If I make this too cushy, they'll want to be permanent free loading residents - Is how I thought about it.
Good job coach! When my
Good job coach!
When my youngest was in high school, the coaches also had consequences for academics. The difference was, if you wanted to continue on the team, you had to go to the event and sit where the coach told you. If there were things that needed to be carried or fetched, it was your job. Son's friend was a great player and amazed that the consequences applied to him. He thought the team could not win without him and he was exempt. Surprise they could. Two weeks of non participation improved his academics.
This is gold!
I would love to see this on all teams! They can sit there and be embarrassed that they are being seen as a bench warmer and it will motivate them to do what they need to do to be a part.
That's my SD. Nothing applies to her and you can sit and look her directly in the eye and tell her something and it will go in one ear and out the other. NOTHING sticks for her. It's insane.
Most sparts groups
High schools who compete with other high schools are part of a governing body. That makes schedule, hire the officials for the events have rules. That any student playing Must be in school that day, and grades must be at a certain level. I.E. good player who doesn't show up for classes and does no school work can't play. If they do, game can be forfeit.
How it should be!
This is exactly how it should be!
Sports are not just "for fun and entertainment." They are to build teamwork, learn how to sharpen skills and teach discipline and maturity/learn how to work with others.
Unfortunately, my SD takes nothing seriously and thinks everything is a big social gathering, popularity contest and a pastime. *eyeroll*
Natural consequences of your
Natural consequences of your actions is often the best teacher. Your husband should be working with her to find out why the assignments are missing... just dismissing her as being lazy.. may or may not really be the root of the issue. She may need help with time planning.. or subject matter.. or something else.. as a parent it's his job to help her be successful.
He should have obviously had the talk with her about.. you know the rules.. what can we help you do so that you can meet the requirements... it's not a matter of punishment.. but leting her know that the more she ages.. the more likely it will be that she will be the one who determines her own path.. and that her parents won't be able to smooth it all out for her.