Gave advice
To neighbor lady next door to one of our rehabs. She is thinking of moving in with her BF and renting out her house. I advised AGAINST it! She is late fifties, semi retired, divorced with grown kids and has been a SM before although not mega drama like most of us have here. Her BF is late sixties, retired and has grown children as well. Not sure if he is widowed or divorced. They seem total opposites. He is more old fashioned and she seems very independent.
She has already talked negatively about him. She seems to think it's OK b/c his kids are grown and out on their own.
I sort of have a vested interest bc her house is next door to our rentals and I'd rather her house not be vacant, sold or rented out to bad tenants. I gave her an idea what drama filled steplife is like and she seemed "SMH" but not surprised. It is a beautiful old house like most on the street but even Chef told her that "there's something to having your own place to go back to."
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I guess there is one good
I guess there is one good side of my situation... SS18 is out of our lives. We will be done with CS in 3 more months and it will just be a couple of forms DH has to fill out for the next 3 semesters but thats it.
No contact and no burden. Some of these stories with sk-dults are terrifying!
CS will end
First week of January (YSS turns 21). All told Chef will have paid CS for 6 months shy of 2 decades. It is frightening to think of how much money has been flushed.
6 figure$ at least. If not multiple 6 figures$.
Even those paying a pittance in CS for the better part of 2 decades pay a notable amount during the course of the CO.
The SpermClan paid $110/mo for ~a year, $133/mo for ~9 years, $785/mo for ~2yrs, and $385/mo for ~5 years. Insignificant to our marital income. But... even when paying a pittance, over the ~17yrs they paid CS, it was over $50K. I say they, because the Spermidiot never paid a penny. SpermGrandHag and SpermGrandPa paid it all for him. They also paid CS for Spermidiot spawn #2 for 18 years, and raised Spermidiot spawn #3 and #4 with little to no help from their idiot serial statutory rapist son.
You gave EXCELLENT advice. I
You gave EXCELLENT advice. I own two houses. One is a rowhome (townhouse) in the suburbs of Baltimore. I moved there after I escaped XH2. My sons (33 and 27) currently rent parts of my townhouse. I keep a twin bed in the small bedroom when I come into town to work.
My other house is an historic home about an hour west. My elder son and I bought it together for him to share with roommates while he was working the area. When he moved into my other house, I decided it was a good place to airbnb due to the outdoors activities and tourist appeal. It's done really well!
I moved in with my partner in early 2022 after I started working remote. His house is the far western part of the state - 2.5 hours from Baltimore. We have hit a rough patch and it looks as if our relationship is not headed in a good direction.
One main area of contention is the lack of commitment from him AND the fact that while he was eager for me to feel at home in his house, he is unwilling to add anything to his will that gives me time to grieve before I have to move out. Yes. I have two houses. No, I don't want his house or his money or anything in his house. I have asked for TIME.
He has made it clear that he won't marry because he doesn't want to risk his daughter's inheritance. I completely understand and feel the same about my kids. If I were to marry, it would be with an IRONCLAD prenup to ensure my kids get all of my assets. I know it's possible to protect them this way quite effectively.
What I don't understand is how, setting aside our other relationship challenges, he doesn't see that it would be unwise of me to invest my energy and emotion into feeling AT HOME in his house only to risk being asked to leave if anything happened to him. I don't think his daughter would do that, BUT, other family members might urge her to move me out and sell quickly. I currently have a good bit of my belongings in his house and I don't want to be put in the position of having to defend that this KitchenAid mixer is mine and that Le Creuset is mine, as well. Because the house is filled with similar items that my partner's late wife acquired.
Because of his reluctance to commit or take steps to ensure I can have sometime to recover from his death (he's 7 years older than me) without losing a place I call home, I have decided to turn my Airbnb into my home. I want a HOME that someone can't take away from me.
While I love him deeply, this is a huge disconnect for me which, when combined with our communication and conflict resolution challenges, doesn't bode well for us going forward. If he wants to continue the relationship, it will go back to be long distance since I will be 1.5 hours from him. He's not one to make a big effort so I don't see him wanting to continue.
Women should not give up the things they built for themselves. Sharing a home with a man you're not married to, let alone a man you ARE married to is overrated.
I NEED a place to call home with my things around me and the ability to make changes. I don't like living like a long term guest in someone else's house. No bueno.
I get the need for some security as retirement looms
My DW and I just sold our home. It was intended to be our retirement home but career opportunities did not allow us to remain in that city. We rent in our current city though our intent is to buy when the housing market tanks enough to allow us to upgrade housing with our housing dollar.
It will tank... eventually. The over price of the housing market will adjust.
Hopefully, everyone here is in a good place on their housing so that they are immune to market adjustments or poised to gain when they buy at a significantly lower price point.
This is the first time in our marriage that we have not been home owners with the exception of a couple of brief (~2yr) periods when we were on international or Per Diem assignments.