It's Been Awhile and Mommy Dearest is Rearing Her Head
It's been awhile since I was last on here. My husband lost his youngest son (22) back in January to a drug overdose and we have been healing, grieving and still having to live life. An unofficial truce of sorts came about with my husband's ex, who I call Mommy Dearest, during the planning of my SS's celebration of life but unfortunately it was short lived. I would encourage you to read my other posts to get an idea of what mommy dearest is like. Mommy dearest is an unhinged, unstable narcissist. Suffice it to say that my almost 17 year old SD continues to live with her despite the verbal and emotional abuse that gets thrown her way and has not been to visit us in months. Since her brother's passing, we have seen her maybe 3 times. Due to having boundaries in our home (no drugs, weed smoking allowed), she has said she is not comfortable here and that it's too quiet (which her mother has said is toxic *wacko*) She did not finish school again this year, smokes weed and works. She has few friends but does have an older boyfriend which mommy dearest has been fine with. My husband and I have yet to meet him. Oh and mommy dearest does not encourage her to go to school but rather has told her that there is no rush to finish school. Huh???
Over the past few months, mommy dearest has reached out to my husband to harrass him over things that have nothing to do with SD. My husband's only response to her the final time this occurred was to leave him alone. Period.
My husband then received a random email from her yesterday stating that she has spoken to her lawyer about revisiting child support payments (my husband pays) and that he has to send her his T4's for the past 3-5 years. She sent her T5's (she's on social assistance, claims she can't work due to a disability but we have no ideas what that is). She stated that they should be able to do this without having to go to court and that if he doesn't comply to her email that she will take us to court where he runs the risk of having to pay retroactive support for the past 3-7 years and pay her legal bill. To say that my husband was floored is an understatement.
First, we know that mommy dearest has run into some financial difficulties since her roommate moved out a few months ago (that's when the harrassment started). She refuses to work and therefore thinks that her best bet to get more money is to go after my husband. Just a side note, she has had roommates and a boyfriend over the years whom she charged rent to but never claimed on her taxes.
My husband has followed the separation agreement to the letter. He never misses support payments, covers my SD's medical and dental via his work benefits, and has forked out more than extra for her over the years and gets sh*t on and manipulated by mommy dearest and even his SD at times. And to do this the week of what would have been SS's 23rd birthday - disgraceful. This woman's cruelty has no bounds.
I'm not 100% positive that she even has a lawyer (she can't afford one) unless she is has one through social assistance. We have reached out to our lawer and sent him her email. I have done research and would prefer to just take her straight to court depending on what our lawyer says. A judge may find her request to be inappropriate:
- why is she requesting a revisit after 8 years when their daughter is almost 17, doesn't go to school and works
- has my husband withheld support payments? - never and therefore retroactive support may not go in her favour as she thinks
- per the separation agreement, my husband's support payment was reduced because: he took ALL the family debt, gave her the van, and agreed to a measily sum for the house they owned just to get out and away from her. He litierally walked away with two bags of his clothes and enough to cover his legal fees. Her lawyer told her to take the deal because if she didn't she would have to sell the house.
And now after almost paying off that family debt he took on, she wants more. After 8 years. After the last few crazy months and with my SS's upcoming heavenly birthday this week, my husband feels defeated, down and can't believe that she is doing this. It feels like where we were 8 years ago.
Do not send her any
Do not send her any documentation. The only thing your DH should give her is the name of his attorney.
This
Only response should be "contact my attorney X at xxx-xxx-xxxx."
Mommy Dearest may be angling
Mommy Dearest may be angling for support to go past 18 with 'school isn't important'. As 18 approaches she may be realizing that child support is ending soon and looking to extend it. She may see extending SD's high school years as her best bet.
I agree with lawyer for this. You need the proverbial shark to counter her claims for future and back support.
OP is in Canada and we all
OP is in Canada and we all know things are different up there. Lawyer up.
Dont respond. She is just
Dont respond. She is just talking until she files the case. If she decides to go to court, be ready to pay more support and retroactive debt no matter what the arrangement was in the past, the judge will side with her and look at her current situation on paper (low income, disabled single parent with a recently passed away son) and will grant her what she wants. Again that is if she decides to go to court but before then, you dont owe her any info and should only submit your info through the courts after being formally asked. Dont engage her in her harrassment or demands, just block and ignore. If you engage her, they will flip on you and make you look like you are the abusive immature ex who doesnt want to provide for this single disabled mother
Do not let the death of SS distract from destroying the toxic BM
Your DH needs to get his game face on and end his X firmly. Since SD is working and a drop out, I would suggest exploring forced emancipation if that is a thin in Canagda.
IMHO the goal has to be cutting off BM as quickly as possible and leaving her to starve. If you and DH want to help SD, then do it after the legal battle is concluded and BM is starving under the local highway overpass. Once BM is neutralized, then you can address attempting to salvage SD-17. However, do not jeopardize your own family financial security for a lost cause.
Take care of you.
SD is almost 17, mother
SD is almost 17, mother dearest can take to court, but from my experience if awarded in her favor ONLY calculated starting from date it was filed...
Doesn't sound like she has done anything and once filed it can take another 3 months to be heard.
Our experience in a CS review matches your advice.
DW filed 9 years after the original CO order date raising CS from $110/mo to $133/mo. DW filed for a CS review.
SpermIdiot refused service, ran from the constable serving him, the DA called DW to ask her to provide income, employement, and any other pertinate information on SpermIdiot. She went CPA/research on his moron ass and the DA ordered an increase of CS from $133/mo to $785/mo. The DA also invoked direct payroll withholding of CS. SpermDaddy ran screaming into court when he got his first $0.00 paycheck. That kicked off a telephone hearing with an Admin Law Judge. A few hours of DW baring SPermCLan idiot ass and the Judge upheld the $785/mo back to DW's original file date. It took over a year for those arrears to clear at which point CS dropped to $385. That held until SS aged out from under the CO at 18yo.
Our Judge invoked the increase in CS back to the file date, left the DA's CS number in place to recover the delays invoked by the SpermClan. It behooves the NCP to get the CS review closed as soon as possible to minimize the risk of back dated CS increases. The CP will get their money. One way, or the other, once a CS review is initiated and an increase is ordered.
In our experience anyway.