When Bitterness Turns into a Legal Attack - My DH's Ex Won't Let Go
*Update*
BM has been trying to get DH to continue to pay CS for adult SS who is 18 - first claiming that she was going to school full time and attending full time studies - which after much due diligence on DH's and I's part in discussions with the school VP, determined that SS was indeed not attending full time but rather would go into school once, maybe twice a week for a few hours. Her program is considered a full time schedule, however, students can attend at their own pace. The VP also confirmed that she is expected to get her diploma anywhere between June and September 2025.
Our lawyer let BM's lawyer that based on discussions with the VP, that SS18 is not attending school on a full time basis and that should BM follow through with her threats to file their agreement with FRO to garnish DH's wages for CS, the court could very well find in favour of DH. That SS is not attending school full time and can therefore find a job and be self sufficient.
In good faith, DH offered that although she is not attending full time, but that she is working on (a loose term let me tell you) on getting her diploma, that he would be willing to provide a lump sum payment from the time she started in October (which is also a loose start time) to September 2025 based on the later graduation time (we would expect that SS will graduate by the later date based on the credits she needs), and also based on her part time attendance. BM and her lawyer refused.
BM's lawyer then brought the medical card out - claiming that SS18 has "severe" medical issues that would make her unable to be self sufficient. Our lawyer then requested (for the second time, I might add), that SS's doctor provide medical documentation showing what these severe medical issues are, what treatments SS is undergoing and what her prognosis is. (Note: SS has a minor back issue that can be corrected with physiotherapy that she refuses to do).
Radio silence from their end since that request was made - over 2 weeks no word. DH and I figured that BM and her lawyer were either a) trying to find a doctor that would just believe BM's claims and just provide a written statement backing up BM's claims of whatever "severe" medical issue she think SS should have; or b) that BM's lawyer went rogue and went ahead filed with FRO.
Our lawyer reached to BM's lawyer yesterday to follow up on the requested disclosure of SS's medical issues and how it makes her eligible for CS after the age of majority. BM's lawyer responded that "She does have medical issues but she is also a full time student. The agreement has been filed with FRO. Even if she was a part time student she might be able to work but with special accommodations."
So no medical documents provided. They are still attempting to go via the route of her being a full time student even though she isn't and we have proof of that based on discussions with the school VP. As well, our lawyer also noted that DH's agreement clearly states that CS was to terminate September 2024 (when CS turned 18). That typically CS terms would outline an ongoing payment schedule without a specific termination date and instead vague terms around the child no longer being eligible. That DH's agreement having specific wording that FRO may actually not enforce because of the termination date in the agreement. This would mean that BM would have to be the one to file for a Motion to Change.
Our lawyer has advised that we wait to see whether FRO starts enforcement measures or not. This could take up to 4 to 6 months before we find out due to court and FRO backlogs apparently. If FRO does, then we will file the Motion to Change and off to court we go. If FRO does NOT start enforcement measures, then it will be up to BM to file the Motion to Change and if she does, then we would still go to court.
Either way, our savings are beginning to dwindle. If we do end up going to court, I forsee our life savings (we are not rich) being wiped out. So even if the court sides with us, in principle we win. But BM also wins knowing that she financially hurt us. So it's not really a win-win situation. Both sides still lose.
(We do not know how she is paying for her lawyer - he is a friend of her mother's apparently - so possible discount, her mother paying, pro bono, because BM is on disability her lawyer may be part of legal aid - who knows).
Spermidiot never paid for an attorney. SpermGrandHag did.
When she was my GF, my DW got served with papers for a Custody suit by "SpermIdiot". We were sitting in her apartment when she opened the papers. Instandly she commented that the signature on the ppw was not the Spermidiots.
DW immediately took out a supplemental school loan, retained an attorney, and went to war. First her attorney demanded that their attorney stipullate who their client was as the signature on the custody suit paperwork was not that of the listed client. That attorney fired them. Long story short, they fired the first shot. We ripped their throats out and kept ripping their throats out for the next 16 years.
First I would send them a cease and desist order and clear demand for legal fees.
I would make the suffering of this POS BM my lifes fondest hobby if I were you and DH.
Well BM thought that sending
Well BM thought that sending us a threatening email would be all it takes to make DH start paying her right away. That did not happen. We went straight to legal. We have done our due diligence and will continue to do so and to document everything. Whenever this finally gets put to bed, we will also be making a complaint against her lawyer to the legal society for all the defamatory and unprofessional remarks he has made against DH (all in writing). We will also be lodging a complaint against the school board about SS's program's attendance process - i.e. going into school for 1 day of the week and being marked present for the whole week? Come on - that's highway robbery (schools get paid for bodies in the school).
OMG, Hon!
OMG, Hon!
Such rank injustice, on all fronts, is enough to make one nauseous! I'm reminded of the no-win situation that CastleJJ (the leading contender for the site’s worst BM) has endured for many years. You might just be a close runner-up.
These greedy BMs are motivated by more than just money; they get their evil kicks by tormenting both ex-husbands and their unlucky wives by continually disrupting and contaminating the exe’s lives.
All that spite! I’ve always believed in karma but, in some cases, it’s too slow to arrive. Often, not until lives have been destroyed. I’m so very sorry that this is happening to you! Clearly, you’ve investigated all of the options open to you in this awful mess so the best I can offer is to pray that you somehow overcome. Sometimes, Hon, right does prevail!
Document, document, document.
It pulls the teeth of the opposition very effectively. Please update us as this unfolds and let us know how the complaint against BM's lawyer goes.
Don't forget to decompress and to take care of you.
Would it be better
financially if you agree to pay CS for another year only?
comparing it to lawer/court/ trial cost? If you lose how long are you going to be on the hook for education?
Right again, Harry!
...comparing it to lawer/court/ trial cost? ...
As legal fees are so extreme and the brutalization of fathers in court almost a guarantee, any compromise is better than going that route. IMHO.
In good faith, DH offered a
In good faith, DH offered a lump sum offer for the duration of SS's schooling based on her part time attendance that BM said no to. Should FRO enforce payments, then a new agreement will need to be developed. Otherwise BM could keep coming after DH indefinitely (which she probably will anyway). SS has no desire to go on to secondary education. She does not even want to do this program that she is to get her her diploma. She is being forced to do it because BM wants $$$. Unfortunately SS is BM's cash cow and is being manipulated by her own BM. When SS was in high school, BM made no attempts to force/make her go to school (hence why SS is in a special program to get her credits to graduate). Now it makes sense why...because she knew if she made her daughter actually graduate high school on time, she knew SS would not want to go college or any kind of secondary education. Now BM is trying to extend it for as long as she can. And then when SS graduates, she and her lawyer will attempt to pull the "severe medical" card (which is untrue) to attempt to get SS to be deemed non-self sufficient.
If you win, can you go after her for court costs?
If you win, can you go after her for court costs? I know that is rarely a given, but it might be a possibility.
Yes, if FRO decides to
Yes, if FRO decides to enforce, then we will have to file a Motion to Change and off to court we go. If the court finds in favour of DH, then BM will have to not only pay back any CS DH pays from the time of enforcement to court's decision, plus her lawyer has been advised that they will have to pay DH's legal costs.
This sounds like a nightmare
This sounds like a nightmare driven solely by greed and spite.
She is fighting
Because BM doesn't want to work
Sorry you are dealing with
Sorry you are dealing with this, it happens more than you know. You may have a difficult time gaining access to medical info.
Check the laws in Canada about medical record release at age 18 ???
Here in the states once a child turns 18, parents no longer have free access to any of their Childrens medical records. Child can sign a release BUT until that is signed---no one can make the child hand over medical records to dh. Sure your lawyer can request the court step in....BUT....
Just because there is an open, ongoing court case, that does NOT change the law requiring a medical records release and privacy. The adult child's medical privacy MAY be in place.
I am NOT surprised bm's side blew off dads request for medical info AND access to all doctors,.
Some BMs go as far as to speak for their adult children in court and report to courts that the 'child' is uncomfortable with dad having access. AND, the 'child' would be uncomfortable IF she/he had to answer questions in court.
Did bm report to the court at any time, the illness/medical problems sd has occurred before child turned 18---check your laws that too can be a factor.
Hang in there and please keep us informed. Your info may help others. --check your laws ok?
Some excellent points,
Some excellent points, Thumper!
Thank you grannyd
Thank you grannyd
The kidult is uncomfortable in court? Tough shit.
Welcome to SKidulting. I would not hesitate to drag a Kidult into court and for damned sure would not tolerate the opposition parent or kidult playing games. I would have every document and fact possible ready to prove past behavior, lies, etc..... to make sure the view was clear for the Judge even if the kidult and toxic opposition parent managed to avoid some of their bullshit being presented by dodging, ducking, and slime-ing around it.
The crap ton of documentation we built and maintained over the CO years ultimately is what kept the Judges up to speed and kept the toxic opposition in their place.
IMHO, and I would test this to the fullest in court if I had to, a Kidult does not get to play both the "I'm an adult!" and the "im a kid and want my mommy to talk for me." bullshit cards. They are either an adult, or they are not.
Most States have clear point of emancipation for CODs or OOWL children under a CO. Age 18 or HS graduation, whichever is later. The caveat to HS graduation is that if the kid drops our of school, then its 18 and welcome to adulthood.
I woudl fight with every Cent at my disposal to not pay for this bullshit. Hopefully winning. When I won I would then engage the kid assertively with a plan to graduate. With my full support, on my terms. No bullshit games with the opposition parent, no dodging, no excuses.
If the kidult and mommy are not lying their asses off, why would they be uncomfortable? A pit bull attorney and exhaustive documentation should be able to disect them both to get to the truth.
Lets hope that happens and everyone can get on with their lives. You and DH living your best lives while BM and sadly, SD, wallow in the effluent of their own creation. I know that no parent wants their child to suffer, but some of these CODs who drink from the fountain of effluent created by their toxic parent are beyond salvage.
Thank you! Yes, we are
Thank you! Yes, we are definitely aware that SD being 18, that DH does not have access to any medical information of hers any longer by simply asking for it. She would need to give consent. We went through that to access her education records and to even speak to the school. But she gave it - via a consent form that our lawyer had her sign. It took two months, but we finally got it. If they go medical issue route to try to claim that SD is non self sufficient due to disability, they will have to provide medical proof of that though. And no, nothing has ever been filed with the court medical-wise for SD before she was 18.
I know you are in Canada
1 in the US there's social security disability, if a teenager is disabled. They get monthly payments . Does Canada have a similar program.? Then SD should be applying for those benefits. In the US the ''' disable person '' is sent to there doctors for evaluation . To make sure that the disabled person is actually disabled.