SS Visit Update
So SS10 arrived yesterday after the ridiculous drama with BM. DH reported that there was no issue at pick-up which is good. BM did email DH after pick-up, informing him that SS had OT yesterday morning due to his toewalking issue and what was originally a sensory issue is now a reflex issue... okay whatever.
SS met DD2months and he really wanted to hold her immediately. He was grinning ear to ear. He even bought her a stuffed animal. We of course had a gift for him from DD as well - a polaroid camera, a big brother t-shirt, and a book about being a big brother. We took him out to look at our new house and then got dinner. SS then informed us that he doesn't have shoes that fit and boy he wasn't kidding. His toe was millimeters from busting through the seams, so we took him and bought him a new pair.
We got back to my parent's house and started to unwind for the night. I don't think SS expected the level of care that DD requires though and he seemed frustrated that instead of all focus being on him, we had to get up to change DD or make her a bottle or rock her to sleep. It didn't help that DD was up most of the night (her worst night ever) and her crying woke SS up several times (or so he says). I told DH that I may send him and SS to sleep in the guest room in the basement tonight, that way they can sleep uninterrupted. I am worried that SS will report back to BM that we ignored him all weekend or that DD kept him from sleeping due to her fussing and then we will have BM to deal with. I know that we can just ignore her, but ignoring BM about "concerns regarding our visitation" always leads to allegations of abuse, neglect, or misconduct to get a reaction, and I'm just not ready to deal with that crap again after last summer.
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Comments
What if you and the baby went
What if you and the baby went down to the basement and DH and SS stayed upstairs? It's just a couple of days and obviously this is all "out of normal" since you are in the middle of a move and staying at your parents. There are times to take the path of least resistance and this might be one of those times.
Earplugs
Get some earplugs for DH and SS.
Babies cry and require a TON
Babies cry and require a TON ot attention. SS will need to get used to sharing the limelight and being disrupted at tmes..
Don't Stress
Babies make noise. Babies take a lot of time. Your SS is old enough to know this. If he complains to BM and she brings it up, your DH needs to shut that down with what I said or similar. One reply and ignore any other comments. Do not entertain those thoughts in your head anymore either. Enjoy your baby the same as if SS wasn't there. Don't let StepHell cause you to do one thing different with that sweet baby. Remember, you are making memories and you don't want that memory of "I had to change how I interacted with my baby because of a BM and SS."
I know you have a tough situation. Best to you.
Don't give BM any headspace.
Don't give BM any headspace. No matter what happens with this visitation, she'll find something to complain about. Ignore her. As for SS, he's going to learn that there are both good and bad things about having a sibling. It's good for him to realize that the world doesn't revolve around him.
Thank you everyone for the
Thank you everyone for the support. After this morning, DD started to cry and SS raced to find her pacifier and gave it to her to calm her down. He has been trying really hard to be a good big brother, which makes me feel a little better about the current living arrangements. I will still consider sleeping in a room separate from SS and DH to ensure that they can sleep, but otherwise I will try not to change how I live. I refuse to breastfeed/pump in front of SS though for obvious reasons. Luckily, SS is only here for another day and a half, so it won't be like this for long. Even though I really enjoy spending time with SS, managing all of this at once is really hard, even with DH's help.
Please praise him to high
Please praise him to high heaven every time he does something "big-brotherly". This is one of those moments that he will never forget... especially if he feels useful and important.
BM can be as critical as she wants but she'll never be able to take his memories away.
Oh we have been! We want to
Oh we have been! We want to encourage him to do those things and to enjoy his time spent with his little sister. We keep telling him "you are such a great big brother" or "thank you so much for being such a big help."