Hi. I have lived with my husband for 12 years. He had 3 daughters from a prior marriage when i  met him. I have no kids of my own.Two of them still live with us, aged 16 and 18. This year we bought a home together, and things are going very well, except that my SD18 has been having symptoms of mental illness since she was 10, and lately these have gotten much worse. My husband doesn't want me to be involved in the solution, as he thinks its his responsibility to "fix." 

SD18 used to be a very happy, interactive, creative, athletic girl who loved playing outside, swimming and camping. Her dad is manic bipolar, and he takes meds and sees a therapist. He doesn't want his daughters to have bipolar, but clearly the older two show signs and he is afraid to accept it. SD18 is unable to hold a job more than 2 weeks. She spends all her time at home doing her art, painting, making dolls, etc. She doesn't shower or wash her hair very often, and doesn't even get dressed anymore unless we demand that she go out somewhere with us. She wears the same pair of faded pajamas and flip flops -year round. She has gained a lot of weight rapidly in the last month and is angry and sullen, answering questions with one-word answers or outright aggresssiveness. It used to be that she would have a stressor in her life happen - and be morose and withdrawn for a week or so, then she would get better. Now she is morose and sullen and agoraphobic, and insulting to the rest of the family on top of it, and its not going away no matter how much the husband takes her aside and tells her she needs to get motivated and adjust her attitude. She hasn't even learned to drive yet because she is afraid of driving. She also goes to online school only, due to social anxiety. 

I told my husband at the beginning of the week that I want us to go to family therapy. I found a place nearby and texted him the info, and asked if he wanted to set up the first appointment? He said yes, he was open to that, and would get it done this week. Its Friday, and I haven't heard anything more on the topic. I texted him a reminder to set the appointment - and he didn't respond. He tends to "forget" to do things like this, which causes fights between us sometimes. We agreed to revisit the topic this weekend once he had made the appointment. I have a feeling he didn't do it, and he will put it out another week and then forget again - as that is what usually happens. 

I am thinking that I will ask him Saturday, and if he has not made the appointment, I will go online and make it myself - for the next time that his SD is over at the house. Then it will be a not-optional outing for our family. I am tired of wondering if SD is going to be sullenly sucking the joy out of life for years to come, since she can't drive or work. I refuse to let that happen. I also care about her, and I don't want her to fail at life. I want her to be happy and independent - as I know she can be. I dread getting a call that in the middle of the night that she has tried to commit suicide, as it feels like sometimes she really hates her life. I know that would crush us both. 

Any suggestions/ideas on getting her some help? Her current therapist isn't equipped to handle her issues, and she only sees that therapist (on her mom's insurance) when her mom agrees to take her, which isn't often. Her mom is entertaining a revolving door of boyfriends and out at bars a lot so she is "too busy" to take her. SD18  never asks us for rides  or tells us anything about how often she is going or whether she feels its helping her - saying "Its none of your business."