Didn’t go over well…
Well the "adult" SS finally graduated saturday! Yesterday I didn't say anything since he was busy with family and friends. Tonite his mom asked me if it's ok if he rents the room he's been in for the summer. I said I'd rather him clean his stuff out of there so that I can fix the walls his dog chewed on amd repair door and repaint so that I can get my stuff set up for my lure painting.
She immediately got pissed and said she is done and can't do this anymore. I asked what her deal is and she started yelling at me that it's always my way and it isn't her house and that she hates it here...etc. I have never said that to her EVER! I've always let her hang things and change things around....told her whatever she wants to do around here I don't care she's my wife.
Then she said that the SS and I have been at each other's throat for 4 years and she's in the middle and tired of it. I told her that he and I spoke about him moving out and we agreed that it would probably be better for us both and we would get along much better.
As she was yelling at me and carrying on, I told her he's known this day was coming all year and that he should have been planning for it instead of waiting last minute and his plans where he was going to rent fell through. That made her more upset and she said maybe it's my way to kick someone to the curb but ishe gave birth to him and she is not going to just kick him out when he doesn't have a place to go. I told her to remember how often he said he's an "adult " and he wants to make his own decisions and nobody can tell him what to do so now he's graduated and he can figure it out!
So she said she can't do this anymore and im going camping for a couple days and have a feeling she may pack her stuff and leave. I knew once it came the day where I said he need to move out of my house her reaction would be this way.
im at my breaking point with everything and if she does leave it will probably be the best for us both. I can't stand the kid and don't care to ever see him again. He left when she was yelling and I told her how lazy he was so I really don't think he even wants to be here anymore which is great for me.
I know if she does leave I will miss her but I can't keep being pissed everyday and dread coming home to the house I bought!!!
Let her go
When a spouse chooses an adult skid over the spouse it just aint a healthy relationship.
Think of it this way you get rid of skippy and the ungrateful wife. Killing two birds with one stone, be happy.
Enjoy a stress free life sir, you deserve it.
Agree
I agree totally! I understand it's her son but she takes his side on everything and will not have a civil conversation at all if we are talking about him.
As the mom of two grown sons,
As the mom of two grown sons, now both married and completely self sufficient, I can fully understand what you were asking and can tell you a short story about my life. When we moved in with the Mr. It was myself and my younger son, then 18, we moved into the Mr's home, he also had a son (age 13) who was here occasional weekends. My eldest soon returned to us and lived here as well. Both of my sons were expected to participate in the household every day chores, they paid a small amount of rent and their portion of utilities. It was the Mr's edict and at first I was iffy on it but that lasted only an hour or too and I was all in. Adults pay for their expenses. And the last part of the agreement was that if they moved out, they didn't come back in.
I said all that to say all this: you are not asking for anything that is out of the norm. Her reaction seems a bit over the top to me. Our homes should be our safe place, our happy place. If we don't feel happy or safe in our home we either need to fix what's not right or find a new home where we do find our calm and happy. I hope you get your's.
That he left while his mom was fighting his battle says a lot about him and even more about her.
She has always spoke for him
Ever since I've been n the picture, she has always stood up for him and spoke for him instead of him handling his problems.
she told me she hates living here and it is t her house. Here's the thing, if it were "our" house, I know what would happen....I would say no to him getting another dog or living there rent free and she would say it's her house too and he's not leaving so then I would be in a situation where I would have to pack up and leave because there's no compromise. I bought my house so I don't have to move again and like my place and am not selling it I we can buy "our" house. I am strict and want my house a certain way and they have destroyed it. I'm super clean and my house was always spotless and I understood moving kids in there would be messes but this is over the top!!! I can't live like this and am embarrassed for someone to even come over! The kids do what they want and she doesn't say anything about it and then I get mad and I'm the asshole. At least his sister listens and does what I ask. He butts heads with me and acts like he runs the house and I put him in his place and she doesn't like it.
she is good to me and is a great wife, but her son is our problem and unless she makes him get on his own and fight his own battles this marriage will not work.
Buh-bye
Her choice.
Live your best life.
Yeah, NO.
It would be one thing if your marriage were solid and you desperately wanted to keep her there, but you sound very much like you are DONE.
See what happens when you start transitioning the SS out of your home. She might just be full of hot air, and back down when she sees that you are completely done, although it sounds like not only are you not happy with SS, you are not happy with HER.
4 years is a long time to be unhappy. And this is your house.
I recomend two things:
1. Consider marriage counseling
2. Consult a lawyer. You want to be able to keep your house, and not pay a huge amount of alimony. It is what it is, but you want to minimize the damage at this point. Dont be like MY husband and wait, to "keep things nice". He waited until it was almost 10 years and I dont know the laws in your state, but after 10 years they can get spousal support for the rest of their life. Toxic Troll was soooooooo mad that he didnt wait for the 10-year mark. SHE claimed it was so she would have a higher social security benefit amount (which shes not working these past 2 years so its a non-issue), but Im like "yeah right".
It will be a huge relief either way.
Good for you
She is unreasonable but she made her bed so let her lie in it - even if it isn't with you.
In the long run your peace and sanity will be worth the temporary pain of losing her.
If she does come back make it clear that her adult son is no longer your responsibility to house, and she can only come back on the condition that she fully accepts that.
This is the thing, if
This is the thing, if stepkids are tiny children when you meet, prioritising them above new romantic relationships seems like the right thing to do of course. However when you're dealing with ungrateful entitled ADULTS - this should not be true. Even if, as in my case, they are long lost (absent for 14/15 years) reconnecting is important but NOT to the detriment of the parents(stepparents) relationship- eg moving in to the family home! .