Damn you anxiety!
Since that message my anxiety has been through the roof. I'm an emotional wreck, I can't shake this over riding sadness and feel so down and fed up. My husband really doesn't know what to do, I'm not 100% sure he even knows why I feel so bad, as we don't really talk that much about SD even though I messaged him 2 days ago with my heartfelt feelings to which he completely agreed with everything I said but there was a but at the end of his reply.... like I've said in past posts... he's a good man, he wouldn't dismiss her and just move on. So I know this attempt at a relationship will happen... hello anxiety!
He has yet to reply to her olive branch message as he said he needs time to really think about what he wants. Its been 9 years, so much has happened in that time that I'm not sure she would ever just fit back into our family. We have all changed so much, my children have grown into young adults and never missed out by not having her in our lives. H has changed so much too! Hes not the same man she thought she knew back then, he's hardened to shit! And I suppose I've got her to thank for that but that's the only thanks I will ever give her. I just want to sick forward 12 months and hope this is either all done and dusted and she's proved me wrong and we are all living blissfully happy or she's gone again! Either way I just want this feeling over and done with, I'm not this person!
- Parrotmom's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Take it a day at a time. He
Take it a day at a time. He should just meet her for coffee/lunch to start the ball rolling and suss out if she has genuinely changed. You keep your boundaries up until you feel comfortable lowering them, if you ever do. Talk about each step along the way with your DH and be open and honest. You are entitled to all the anger and fear that you feel.
Anxiety has you already picturing awkward (or worse) Christmas dinners. Don't go there yet. Just let him start to get to know her again and see how it goes. People do change, especially alienated kids who have matured enough to figure out what was done to them by their alienating parent. But if she hasn't changed, that will quickly be very clear.
It's okay to give yourself
It's okay to give yourself permission that it's okay not to blend. Let DH have his relationship with his daughter and your relationship with DH can be seperate from that.
I think their is a lot that can be learned from Canine lovers relationship with Bratty and the boundaries she has established.