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Didn’t even consider asking about what I thought

STEPMOMSTER805's picture

Submitted by STEPMOMSTER805 on Tue, 02/16/2021 - 10:05am

Ok. This may make me seem as if I am a horrible stepmom but for the last almost sixteen years my husband's daughters lived with their mom and visited us every summer for about a month. Some visits went well. Others one stepdaughter decided to say I made her feel uncomfortable which led to my husband saying he wanted to divorce. Another year same stepdaughter at the time was sixteen was whining she had a migraine and was insistent to sleep in mine and dad's room. AFTER I said no one was to be in my room. It caused a big blowout and I told my husband that if he didn't back me in the situation then they will never listen to me . (Not that they even respect their parents). Anyhow it blew over. With my husband  having to go away for three months it has been just me and our son. Life was wonderful. Very quiet and mellow and uneventful with no drama. When my husband gets home it's immediately tense and uncomfortable but I figure it's just temporary. But I will never know for sure because all of a sudden his daughters have to move in with us. These girls are so loud and obnoxious and downright mean. I am trying to give them the benefit of the doubt but if these stories were true they tell their dad there is no recorded proof and the older daughter would not be as happy go lucky as she is if what she said to him was true. He just automatically books them tickets and now they will be here Saturday. Not once did he confer so me or even our son. We live in a tiny apartment as it it and now with two extra almost adults. I feel like I am drowning here. I think I need to get our son and myself out of here. All opinions and thoughts or suggestions much appreciated.

Comments

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Tue, 02/16/2021 - 10:13am

NFW . I would be livid. He did not consult you on this? I would make these rotten SD's so uncomfortable. Do not do anything for them. If your DH says he wants a divorce I would flipping agree.

He is not a good husband. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 02/16/2021 - 10:19am

I'd get out now, before he threatens to divorce you because one of his Precious Princesses gets mad that you won't wipe her butt for her at age 18.

This guy has a couple of wives already, and you aren't one of them.

 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 02/16/2021 - 11:23am

I would be very upset if he was making plans for visits without letting me know.. at least passing it by me to make sure it wasn't a bad time... and if he intends to have them visit more often and for longer periods of time... you need to approach him about the fact that your home is too small to accomodate all the people.. so you want to move to a larger home at his expense.. since it is his extra bodies that are making the current home too crowded.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 02/16/2021 - 12:24pm

SDs that "suddenly need to move in with dadee who is 2 states away". How old are they? Id say heck no, im out of here...

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Tue, 02/16/2021 - 12:36pm

I was hoping there was a max occupancy law, I found this:

"

State law in Californai does impose some limits on household size. California’s Department of Fair Employment and Housing (DFEH) has established a policy for regulating occupancy, which is known as the “two plus one” formula. It’s a simple standard: two people can occupy each bedroom with one additional person in the living space. So three people may occupy a 1-bedroom apartment and five in a 2-bedroom apartment. It’s a state standard rather than a hard-coded (legislative) cap on occupancy.

"

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Tue, 02/16/2021 - 12:41pm

You are justified in being upset. He should have consulted you. But, it sounds like he has a pattern of putting his daughters first. He threatened to divorce you because one of them "felt uncomfortable?!" And the getting in your bed thing is a big hell no. You can't win in this situation. 

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Tue, 02/16/2021 - 12:46pm

Wow! If DH ever sprung that on me, I would kick him out. That is not okay. The kid wanting to sleep in your bedroom is not okay. Sounds like your SDs are trying to see how much daddy will do for them and if he will put them "first".