Can anyone explain this to me.
Although I am disengaged from SKs and not invested in parenting them. It does drive me a little crazy that SO makes it a point on a daily basis to flat out deny SKs obvious behavioral issues or completely ignore they exist when talking to me.
I find this odd because I am never the one to even bring it up. Example, all the cupcakes were eaten in a day. I know who did it and don't care. SO brings it up, then immediately starts to investigate who it could be, making sure to point out it's definitely not YSD. He will even take it a step further to insist that he only sees YSD eating healthy food. I laugh to myself when he does this because OSD and YSD are the only two in the house who are overweight and gain weight at a dramatic rate. In addition to the fact that each week you have to remove garbage bags full of candy wrappers and other food items.
Here is what makes his behavior even stranger. I just assumed he did it in order to maintain his constant state of denial and to try to convince me how wonderful his kids were. But recently I found out he admitted to a close friend of mine that his kids have issues. He was complaining about the same exact behaviors he vehemently denies to me.
Now I'm just completely confused.
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If he "sees" the behavior,
If he "sees" the behavior, then he has to do something about it, and he doesn't want to, because that makes him feel bad, and it's hard to parent and be the bad guy. He also knows that you will push him to do something.
Doesnt want to admit
Denial Dad doesnt want to admit that you were right. You are wise to disengage. I saw my DH83 deny many things over the years and also saw the inevitable outcomes. Oh well.
It's MUCH easier
To blame SM as the source of all woes. SMs aren't "allowed" to see the flaws in skids as that would point the finger of blame back at the parents.
Kind of like when you were a kid and only siblings were allowed to pick on each other but outside parties were not allowed to do that.
Be prepared for DH bringing up these flaws to third parties and eventually to you, however you, as a SM, aka "outside party," are supposed to just sit there and listen to it but not have any constructive criticism or input whatsoever.
It also boggles my mind that
It also boggles my mind that I am not allowed to parent SKs, give my advice on parenting because it automatically becomes " you don't like my kids".
But, SO watches me everyday modeling what parenting looks like with my kid and he doesn't use any of what he sees to parent his own kids.
For instance I check my kids school work everyday to make sure it's done. Help him with it when he needs help. Make sure he is up in the morning and ready for school.
SO does none of that and complains everytime he finally gets a phone call or report from the school SKs are not doing thier work or did not log on. Then his argument is remote learning is stupid.
First off his kids had this problem before remote learning. But nevertheless my response to him when he brings it up, is who is he hurting with that attitude? Who is being effected the most?
Canjun OMG trust me you are
Canjun OMG trust me you are not alone. Living in fear inside our own home.
F no---never ever again my dh and I both said. The one teen skid said in court they did everything on purpose so bm could get custody back.
In life there are somethings that are unforgivable. It is not my job to forgive them.
I know it's not worth the
I know it's not worth the fight it would cause, But I would tell him to stop complaining about stuff he has no intention of doing anything about.
You don't like my kids
"No i don't like the way they are NOT being parented"
OMG, so SO and my neice just
OMG, so SO and my neice just had a disagreement. SO commented that my kid is coddled. Because he considers me making sure he is doing what he is supposed to be doing and redirecting him "coddling" okay whatever.
So my neice proceeded to point out how YSD never leaves her room, doesn't do any chores, doesn't do any school work and has been failing school since 3rd grade and SO does her laundry and cleans her room.
He responded with YSD is far superior to any of the kids in the house. My neice asked him to explain how his 12 year old is superior to a 20 year old who works 40 hours a week, goes to college full-time, pays all her own bills, and does chores. She told him he was delusional LOL!!!
Does your niece live with you
Does your niece live with you? And if I were you, I would be insulted pretty bad by his comment about her being "superior" to everyone else. He is throwing straight disrespect at you and your child by saying that..
Yes she lives with me I've
Yes she lives with me I've raised her since she was a baby. I had full custody then later on joint with her mother until she was 18.
I would be offended but she just laughs at him and my son pay him no mind. Just like his own kids mine don't have any respect for him either. They view him as another child in the house.
Your SO is a tool, how do you
Your SO is a tool, how do you respect him?
Superior
In failing to launch
The denial is strong! He's
The denial is strong! He's still trying to impress you with his kids huh? My DH will talk up SD 12 to other people but he has gotten pretty real with me at times about her shortcomings. That's not to say he isn't in denial or he's trying to brag about his kid. His first thought in every situation is it couldn't possibly be SD that did anything wrong and he immediately blames anybody else who happens to be in the house.
I still remember the one time he had been complaining about how every time his family visits we would find trash stuffed between the couch cushions and he blamed other family members. SD had recently gotten up from the couch to sit on the other couch and I sat in the spot that she was just in. I noticed that there were rappers in the couch cushion pulled them out stood up and set them on the coffee table right in front of SD and DH without saying a word. There was nobody else in the house that could have possibly been the culprit this time. I didn't see her throw them away but he insisted that she threw them away herself afterwards. well I'm so glad that she threw her trash out after I had to remove it from inside our couch!