Holidays?
Would you go on a holiday with your husband if your stepdaughter stayed up every night with you until you went to bed?
Shes 13. She's literally on the couch with us EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I just want to have a glass of wine and unwind after the younger kids go to bed. She gets more hyper and annoying as the evening gets later and it means I have zero kid-free time.
I think it would be unfair to leave the stepkids out but I'm wondering about the expensive trips being kid free entirely as it feels like such a waste of money. And take all of them on more local weekend/long weekend trips. I arrange all the holidays so DH wouldn't care and probably wouldn't even notice.
He obviously doesn't agree but my idea of a holiday isn't being surrounded by kids from morning until night. For the record, I would chase my own bio kids off to bed even if they were teens, to me getting some couple time is sacred.
"Vacations" with SK
I believe there should be a different word to describe this. It's no vacation with SK.
I think your problem starts at home. It's actually a DH problem. I'd explain to him that after a day with the whole family, you need some down time. I get that she might be a night owl, I am, too. But she can stay awake in her room.
This is actually a quite important point. If you are like me, my mental and emotional health require downtime. It's key to the whole family's happiness. "if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy".
It is absolutely his fault
It is absolutely his fault not hers. Why would she not choose to stay up with us? It's him not setting acceptable boundaries because he wants to stay favourite.
I also agree on the downtime. I don't see why I should have to sneak off to my bedroom to get it. I've explained to him countless times. It doesn't trump his need to be a Disney dad. To be fair he's backed into a corner as there's no bedtime at BMs.
I don't vacation with ss12. I
I don't vacation with ss12. I did it once only and it was crap so never again will I spend my hard earned money and earned vacation being annoyed and on edge because of him.
I have never been on holiday
I have never been on holiday with the SDs - never have, never ever would - it would not be a holiday, it would be a sojourn in purgatory.
Tell DH that either he tells
Tell DH that either he tells SD to give you some alone time, or you won't do any more vacations with her.
That's about where I'm at. I
That's about where I'm at. I'm not using up vacation weeks and paying to be around kids 24/7!
I think vacations with
I think vacations with stepkids go just how the custody time goes. If you have a Disney dad that must spend all this time in the presence of his spawn entertaining them constantly while at home then that is what will happen away from home.
If the kids don't have bedtimes when they're with you normally then why would they on a vacation?
What always works for us it to out on the TV and let SD watch things she not allowed to watch at BMs... She will be absorbed in a movie and we get alone time.
She is getting to the age
She is getting to the age where perhaps a friend coming would be a distraction?
I don't think she needs to go everywhere.. just to the "kid" vacations.. you should still be able to have couples getaways as well.
Be wary of this one too. We
Be wary of this one too. We brought a friend on vacation for my SD. It ended up being one more kid to try and hang on DH - SD still wouldn't leave him alone. It is the age though... maybe. It evened out a bit here.
Yes to the friend
We often took a friend on vacation. They were invariably well-behaved, their parents never believed it. Lol.
Me and hubby go on vacations that are skid free. We
Bring our 2 kids but they are 3 & 4.5 m. Hubby knows skids = no sex!!
thats not a hard choice for him to make
my skids are all disrespectful, rude and do not respect basic boundaries even as adults
I would never put up with this
I had to have adult time. If it means leaving SD in the living room and you snd DH go into your bed room locking the door. To save SD from seeing thing embarrassing . If your DH does not go along with this then you have a DH problem. Mainly a DH problem. And no I would not go on vacation, to be not happy.
You make the vacation
You make the vacation arrangements, so make them just you and DH. Take care of having your BKs placed for your vacation and make sure DH does the same with his.
Also, time to put some structure in place to establish and protect time every evening for just you and DH. A 13yo can go read in her room at 9:00 and leave the family/living room for you and DH to have a glass of wine, watch a movie, and bond on the sofa.
Make it happen!