So, Murphy's Law being what it is, as soon as ST went offline for updates, I had a little week+ of drama with BM and I'm so happy to have ST back so I can vent properly!

So skid update first, they are doing great and things with them have been wonderful lately. The way our schedule worked out last week, I had them during the day (teacher conferences week-no school) and because BM's life is in a shambles, she quickly agreed to having us have them overnight last week to make things easier. Instead of walking to school by themselves with no breakfast and no one to make sure they brushed teeth, washed faces and had nice clothes on, they had me to make them a healthy breakfast, help them get cleaned up for the day and then made sure that we did all the things that they needed to get done for school and then we had lots of time to play!

As usual, after being with BM for days, both boys were disheveled and neglected and I found out that BM had let SS5 just not take a bath for four days!! His hair was ratted and smelled like old musty mothballs and he had (WARNING:THIS IS GROSS) crusty eye stuff that had been on there so long I had to soak it off with a hot, wet washcloth! It hurt him too much to scrub them off, but I couldn't just leave him like that! His toe and fingernails were so long that they were ripping on stuff and SS5 was having a hard time holding a pencil at school because his nails were so long and curled over! First thing I did was plop SS5 on the stool in his bathroom and gave him a nice and decent hair cut. It makes such a difference to see a kid with short, groomed hair, rather than tangled, neglected and overly long and shaggy hair. He is really hard to give hair cuts to because he wiggles so much and I haven't been able to get him to stop. I am now an expert at giving wiggling children haircuts, lol! Anyway, so got that done, neatly cut his nails, gave him his vitamins (which he doesn't ever get at BMs) and got him in the bath. I scrubbed him down and washed his hair, even after the haircut and helped him get his lotion and nice clothes. It's so sad, but amazing what a difference just basic care makes! The whole time he was talking about how much he missed me when he was at his moms and he said, I also miss "this!" and he explained that he likes it when I "take care of him" and that his teacher and friends notice and give him complements when he has a fresh haircut, smells good and is clean and is wearing nice clothes (that are appropriate for the weather).
Next came SS11 and he too wanted a haircut. He sits perfectly still and loves it when I cut his hair, so his haircuts are way, way easier! So, I gave him a basic haircut too and I had just gotten new shampoo and bodywash for both boys and special face wash for SS11 (at his request) and he jumped right into the shower and then when we were all sitting in the living room talking about what we wanted for lunch, he piped up and went on and on about how when he is fresh and clean he feels great and that he knows that when he feels that way he knows he is "home." It seriously broke my heart. He meant it really sincerely and it was wonderful to know that he feels that way and very sweet of him to say.

So the drama started then because SS5 spoke up again and said that his mom says that I give horrible haircuts and make them look ugly (way to tell your own kids that they are ugly!). She is trying to bash me, turn them against me, in a combination of her typical moderately passive aggressive nastiness. She doesn't have the courage to insult me to my face so she tries to go through the boys. I don't give a flying horse's poop what she thinks of the hair cuts and I happen to know that she actually hates it that I cut their hair because I do a good job, she knows it and she is jealous that it's my special thing with the boys. They both love the look I give them and I always take their requests into consideration when cutting and styling. I also cut my nephew's hair and the hair of my BFF and her four year old daughter and two year old son and have gotten nothing but compliments. The skids have some of BM's unfortunate facial features, but I do my best to downplay them and make them look better. SS11 badly needs braces and has a huge overbite that gives him a hamster look when he smiles. Anyway, I wanted to respond that I don't take insults on my hair cuts seriously from any woman that walks around with a uni-brow and a MUSTACHE! LOL! Seriously. But, using my meagre self restraint I just said that that wasn't a very nice thing to say, but that it was their mom's choice to say mean things or not say mean things and not my problem. They agreed and said she was mean a lot anyway and then proceeded to complain about her to me. I usually let them vent and keep my responses neutral, because i'm not going to (and never have) bash her to the skids, even if she does to us all the time. She may be trashy like that, but I'm not. I let the skids draw their own conclusions and make up their own minds and I know that they already see her more and more for the loser she is. I don't have to do a darn thing. I can just sit back and watch her wreck her own relationship with her kids. They are the only ones left that are legally tied to her and can't get away, but that won't last forever and maybe she could get a clue eventually that unless forced by a court order, EVERYONE dumps her, eventually.

So on to the BM drama. I was in a slightly annoyed/amused mood after that and after a visit to the library to track down the Gummy Bears Movie, we were hanging out at home, SS11 was helping me make lunch and SS5 was playing and watching his movie. SS11 is autistic and it mostly comes across relating to his social skills and appropriateness and in a lot of ways he is emotionally way younger than he really is, but he gets in these serious moods where he asks serious questions and then really listens to the answer and discusses it. WELL, H and I had talked about how to handle certain questions when they inevitably come up and we both agreed that although we won't bash BM to the skids, we aren't going to lie to them either, especially if they ask something directly. We want to be as factual as possible so info is conveyed rather than opinions and feelings (of which I have many!).

So, he started off by telling me that he has been having problems with his mom lately (surprise, surprise, no one saw this coming) and that he wanted to ask me questions but that he wanted me to tell him the truth. He said, "I know my mom lies and when I ask her for the truth, she lies more to make herself look good." He continued on telling me that he trusts me and knows I don't lie to him, and so on. So I explained to him that for some things, it's the grown ups responsibility to take care of and that one reason kids aren't told certain things is to prevent them from worrying about grown up stuff that they don't need to worry about yet. He got all that no problem and I said I would answer his questions truthfully, but that I might have to postpone a question from the conversation until he was older. He agreed and then launched into EVERYTHING! He wanted to know the truth about how his mom and dad broke up and wanted to know what happened between her and I, especially regarding specific episodes. I found out from him, that Psycho fed him a completely false version of the story and made me and H out to be selfish, nasty and mean. I had to think about it a lot and I told him what had happened, including his mom threatening me and having to go to the police. We wound up having a really long and really good conversation and he felt so much better afterwards. He wanted to know why we won't let one of his friends moms in our house and I told him the truth, that this woman (BMs best friend and frequent babysitter) stole medication from H and that we don't allow people who steal from us, especially something important like medicine, in our home. That was the extent of my comments on that. So there was a lot more and SS5 came and talked to me too and now he knows about the daycare, but it turns out it was the right thing to do because he was convinced that he got kicked out because they didn't like him, not because his mom refused to pay his fees, even when she had the money. Everything that came up pretty much was stuff that BM doesn't want the skids to know about because it all makes her look freaking horrible. There was no name calling, no bashing, no passive aggressive crap, just the straight up truth as well as I can tell it. When H got home we all sat down and talked about it and had an impromptu family meeting which was wonderful. H was and is totally on the same page as me and approved and agreed with everything I said and how I handled the questions. We had another long talk with the skids about how they are feeling about things right now and what they would want ideally and both said that they want to live with us full time and see their mom every other weekend, if at all!!! They, especially SS11, have been clashing with her badly because she keeps letting them down and having them be around some very shady people or completely unattended as well. She is such a wreck that apparently life with her is pretty horrible and the skids just want a safe, happy home so they can be kids and not have to deal with all BMs personal drama.
She did two things recently as well that are completely illegal and put her at major risk for losing custody, but I won't type about them here, just in case.

So, much to our amusement, BM was so upset about our conversation that she threw the kids into her car right before bedtime and drove three hours to her mothers house AND she was stupid enough to admit it! It makes her look really weak and communicates that she is so freaked out that she had to run to mommy (who is an even bigger psycho). I think she felt like she would have moral support or something, but she waited until she got down there and then called H and interrupted our Date Night. She completely lost it and went on and on about turning the kids against her and H stayed perfectly calm and said that SHE made the choices to do the bad things she did, no one forced her. All that had happened was that the lies to her children stopped and they actually found out the truth. That's all. That's it, nothing more, nothing less. She just went completely bonkers because the truth was told and in a very kid friendly, clear and non-biased way. She was especially pissed at me and H handed the phone to me (haha!) and she refused to talk to me!!! I told her that if she has a problem with me she needs to talk to me directly, not through H. I told her that H is my husband, not my keeper or father and that he has no authority over me anyway. She was really rude and TOLD me to "get off the phone." I told her not to call my home and be rude to me and I hung up on her. She called back immediately to talk to H of course, but she got a shock, when he completely and totally backed me up and actually started to launch into her about some of the very inappropriate things she has been letting happen around the boys. Basically by the end of the conversation she had nothing to say. She effed up, and all that happened was that she was found out. THAT's what she's pissed about. I wouldn't be stoked either in her position, but I wouldn't have done the horrible things she chose to do either and would never get myself in that position. I also don't lie to my skids or any kids in my life for that matter. I choose my words carefully, don't swear or blaspheme or anything like that, but I am honest and the kids know it.

So, on top of all that, guess who got a Mother's Day present and guess who didn't?!!!! SS5 Made me a ceramic bowl and wrote "I love you ----" and "Mom" on the wrapping paper. It turns out that he made it especially for me and "forgot" to make one for his bio-mom! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! SM=1 Bm=0

Well, I have more, but I think that's enough venting for now. Thanks for reading! I'm feeling fine about all this and mostly just needed to vent.