Need advice (long)
I'm new here. My question isn't about my step kid who is great. It's about my dad I have no relationship with and his wife. My dad was in and out of my life. He was on drugs and a drinker. I always hoped my dad would get it together and love me but it never happened. He disappeared when I was about 11 and didn't show back up until I was 17. I stopped longing for him when I grew closer to my step dad. He showed me what a dad was and what I should look for in a husband. I pushed him away at first but he was always there. So was his family.
I saw my dad when I was about to graduate. I invited him to my graduation and he was a no show. That was the point I was done. He looked me in my face and promised. Why show back up if you have no intention of being there. I cut him off completely. He added nothing to my life and I realized I feel nothing for him. At all! He contacted me again years later when he found I was getting married and actually thought he was walking me down the isle. I told him my stepdad was and I wanted nothing to do with him. My step dad is my dad and the only man my kids will know as grandpa. It was harsh, but I told him I didn't love or need him. It was true!
Now I am going to be having my first child. Somehow my dads wife found me on Facebook. Told me he's changed and they would all love to be a part of my life. I told her absolutely not. I want nothing to do with my dad. It's Not her fault I put him out of my mind. I told her I'm glad he all good now and a family man but just like I told him years ago he waited until I didn't need or love him anymore. My dad is my biggest disappointment. I feel nothing at all for him. I told her it's best she not even tell her kids (my half siblings) about me. If they contact me I'll look like the bad guy when it goes nowhere. I think she thinks she can change my mind because she will NOT leave me alone. I can tell her stories but that will definitely change the way she sees my dad. I know she doesn't know it all or she would understand and leave me alone. I blocked her so she used one of her older kids page to contact me. I haven't responded.
I have horrible anxiety. And I'm pregnant. Every time she contact me one way or another my heart races. I just want her to leave me alone. She even have my younger half sister who is 12 message me. I will not respond or block her because she's innocent and I don't want to hurt her feelings. But I don't want a relationship. I want them to disappear.
When I talk to my mom she says it's up to me. my question is to step parents. I want to know your opinion. Am I wrong? If you were married to someone who had kids you never met would you even contact them? Either I'm being a b*tch or she's over the top. I just don't want them around or to have any type of relationship. But now that she's gotten her kids involved idk what to do anymore but ignore. Advise? This is stressing me out.
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Comments
I don't think this is a parent or step thing
This is your personal experience. Your dad has treated you terribly and you have every right and reason to cut him and anyone he's involved with out. Please don't give a hoot about what his partner or children think, they didn't live your experience. You don't have to justify yourself to anybody. Just enjoy and have a safe and happy pregnancy, block these people down every avenue
You have every right to cut
You have every right to cut people out of your life for any (or even no) reason you want.
In my opinion, yes, his wife is being over the top trying to contact you, using other people's social media accounts and dragging her minor children into her stalking game.
Let her know, very clearly, that the communication is very unwelcome and in fact is harassment. Further, if she does not cease such harassment, you will use every legal avenue necessary to make it stop. And if she doesn't stop, please follow through.
I was dumbfounded when her
I was dumbfounded when her kids started to contact me. That's what made me take a step back. I don't want to hurt their feelings. I told her don't tell them about me at all! They are going to want to find me and be rejected. I'll look like the bad person.
I'd be honest. Dad was not
I'd be honest. Dad was not there for you when you needed him and you are not willing to gve him a second chance. That is absolutely your right. Let them If they continue harassing you, contact the police.
She's not innocent, she's
She's not innocent, she's harassing you. If he's such a great guy now, why isn't he contacting you himself?
Block her. And if she finds other ways to contact you, file a restraining order. No, I would never dream of contacting a kid my DH had before I met him. And if I did, it would be ONCE, and if he/she said no, I'd be done.
I think your father married a crazy woman.
Don't stress out about this.
Don't stress out about this. Block them all. Do not worry about eventually looking like the bad guy. Big deal. You don't even know these people. You do not owe them anything.
I am estranged from my dad. I
I am estranged from my dad. I am supportive of my DH trying to maintain contact with his estranged daughter. Every case is different. In my DH's case he had a loving relationship with his daughter until he divorced her mother. He has tried everything to maintain contact with his daughter and jumped through every ridiculous hoop she and her mother set. Hopefully one day his daughter will recognise that her dad never stopped trying.
My earliest memory of my dad was him beating me at the age of 2. Growing up his method of discipline was to lay into me at full strength screaming that he'll beat me until I'm dead. I have a vivid memory at age 6 looking at myself in the mirror after a shower and feeling really happy and pleased I had no bruises. Which meant I hadn't had a beating for at least 2 weeks. I realise how messed up that sounds now that 6 year old me was happy. I stopped contact with him as soon as I turned 18. When I was pregnant with DD I made the decision to never let him have any contact with her. He tells his family a different story of course.
In every case of estrangement there's always two sides to the story. But at the end of the day you make the decision you can live with. I won't be able to live with myself if my dad hurt my daughter the same way he hurt me. There is no benefit to letting him into my life, only a lot of risk. I never had any good times with him so I don't long for something I never knew. There are enough people in my life that have fulfilled his role. So make the decision that feels right to you. Other people haven't walked in your shoes.