I know that this is not a forum to talk about in laws but a lot of the issues I'm facing with my mother in law are SO incredibly similar to what we experience with step kids, especially teen step kids and adult step kids. So I guess I'm just looking to vent and if I get good advice, even better.

My husband is from Venezuela, his mom was still living there when we married. We brought his mom over on a VISA a little over two years ago. We were newlyweds but I agreed to let her live with us for one year until she got on her feet. It's now been over two years and she is still here.

It took her about 18 months before she even started looking for a job. And then, it was only because DH was forcing her to and literally driving her places. In the meantime, my husband was buying her anything she wanted- and she has expensive taste. She does not pay any bills or buy any groceries for the family. She does send a lot of boxes of things back home to Venezuela which is very expensive {$70 just for shipping one box}. She and her daughters who live in different countries use my Netflix and Amazon Prime accounts because she gave them the passwords. 

When she started working full time, she began doing her own grocery shopping. She only buys enough food to cook her lunches for work and she keeps it separate from everyone else's food. She does not buy her own foods for breakfast or dinner. She does not cook for anyone else but herself, unless we specifically ask her to. She doesn't clean up after herself after she cooks.

Before she started working full time, her only "jobs" around the house were to do dishes and clean the bathroom once a month. And even though she did a lot of dishes, everyone in the house also helps with that, especially my husband. I feel like if I was living with someone full time and paying zero bills, I would clean the entire house every day without being asked.

And by the way, she is 60 but she's VERY young and healthy. Very strong. Works out, walks 3 miles daily. Dances and gardens. Not your average 60 year old. So she's more than capable of helping out around the house.

Ever since she has started working full time, she now does NOTHING around the house at all. She doesn't even clean up after herself. She will be in the kitchen making herself breakfast, listening to us talk about how hungry we are and what we should make for breakfast. When we cook, we always ask her if she wants some. Always. She never does. It's so bizarre and rude, IMO.

I've had endless talks with my husband about getting her to contribute more to the household in some way. He'll agree but then do nothing. And if/when I complain about it, he tells me I should be the one to confront her. I disagree. I feel like I should just be able to relax and enjoy getting to know her.

She has learned English but she refuses to speak in English if my husband is around. But I speak enough Spanish that I could understand their conversations if I tried. The thing is, she makes it extremely clear that she's not speaking to me. She doesn't look at me, she doesn't speak TO me. She often speaks ABOUT me or the kids in Spanish, right in front of us, but looking at my husband. And we know it because she uses our names. I often feel like a 3rd wheel or like I'm invisible to her. This happens all the time at the dinner table. She and husband talk to each other. The kids and I talk to each other. That's it.

My husband has started refusing to address her in Spanish when we are all at the dinner table. And when she asks him a question about us, he says, "I don't know, ask them." She's not taking the hint.

My husband says she adores me but I feel like she's always talking shit about me. She's always asking why I do things a certain way, why I use so much oil when I'm deep frying, why I drink so much water, why I let pans soak, etc., etc., etc. She thinks everything I do is strange and I always feel criticised. 

She is very sweet with my biological children, hugs them, talks to them, etc. She doesn't interact much with my youngest step daughter. I find this bizarre. I'm really glad she likes my children so much and I know that my step daughter is a very different, a-typical kid. She's not warm or sweet in any way and maybe that's all it is. She feels a deeper connection to my kids. but it seems like she doesn't even try with my step daughter, her biological grand daughter.

And even though she seems to prefer my kids over my step daughter, she doesn't interact much with any of the kids, period. She basically stays in her room, by herself, all the time. On the rare occasion that we ask her to babysit, she won't come out of her room. We come home to the kids being hungry and the house being destroyed {They are tweens so it's not a matter of safety like with little kids but still}. If she were an actual babysitter, I would have fired her. If she were a cleaning lady, I would have fired her. If she were my own mom, I would have moved her out already. 

My husband and I have fought about this for too long and there have honestly been times that I've thought about moving out. I don't want a divorce but I don't want to live with her any more. 

Two weeks ago, I started counseling. I have my own issues to work on but I'm also drowning in resentment towards my husband and mother in law (and step kid issues, too). So I'm hopeful.

There ARE a few Brightside so I'll end with that: She now works full time and she is well on her way to being able to buy a car which will help her get an even better job. So now I do feel like she is at least on her way to moving out and should be able to move out within a year or two.

Okay, I'm done venting.