Hello There,

I am 48. My 3 kids are grown and out of the house. My BF of 8 years is 49, his 3 oldest are grown, his youngest child is 13. As I wrote in a previous post, I left the house to try to find a peaceful solution because the youngest is out of control and the stress of that gets thrown at me by my BF. The home is mine with my BF, he is on and pays the mortgage and I am a deeded owner.

As I have separated from the situation, I am seeing things much clearer. The child is left completely alone most of the time, whether she is with the biomom or my BF. The biomom is an alcoholic with a penchant for drama. My BF is a hunter and spends most of his time, most all of the year, either hunting or preparing to hunt. He feeds his child and occasionally takes the kid to do something like a movie, there is no communication. In general when he has her (they exchange weeks) she is either at a friends house or has a friend over. He goes about his business.

I was at the house a couple weeks ago and listened to her make fun of her dad and he totally dismissed it. She was caught lying about social media use (the child has appeared in suggestive poses, singing songs about drinking and drug use, on public interfaces) and the biomom and my BF rewarded her with a new phone. I have no words for that.

Now, it appears as though she is feigning illness to get out of school and potentially for attention. She has upped her game with the biomom and is now figuring out that hospital ER visits are the best way to do it, so she has multiple visits, (3 now) blood draws and CT scans under her belt. All of which came back negative. This behavior started when she was in Kindergarten, and has increased intensity and frequency as she gets older. Two months into school and she has missed 8 days already. Due to backaches, belly aches, and other issues that disappear whenever a friend is around or it's not a school day.

I feel relief that I am no longer in the middle. I spent the better part of my time with her trying to guide her and give her some structure and it blew up in my face. But now, I ask myself what kind of a future I will ever have within this family system. My BF mom is a large part of this, ahe is territorial, wants the entire family to be ill so she can care for them and is a candidate for Munchausen IMO. She helped to raise the 13 year old.

Im venting, I know. Thanks for reading this. I can't imagine many of you have a situation that is similar, but I guess at this point I am just looking for someone to tell me I'm crazy for staying involved. I feel like I've wasted time, I've lost so much money in down payments on our dream home and moving expenses when it all fell apart because the child physically threatened me, my sense of worth was destroyed when he continually took the side of a child who has never been taught empathy, morals, self sufficiency or decency. I can't even blame her. It's how she was raised.

Any thoughts?