Kids know too much
Recently my fiances 10 year old daughter began divulging information (we did not ask) about biomom's personal life including details about her relationship with her boyfriend because she hears biomom and the boyfriend arguing and yelling all the time (they don't even live together). In addition she told her us that biomom also sees other men on a regular basis. My fiance and I do not think this is appropriate for a child to know these things. It was not only a year ago when my stepdaughetr told me that biomom and her boyfried were fighting because biomom's boyfriend cheated on her with his exwife! Seriously this is NOT a conversation that should take place with a 9 year old. My fiance is very concerned about how biomom's actions are going to have an effect on the kids.
Sounds like a messed up environment
I know exactly what you mean. My stepson is exposed to things that we don't approve of either. Like his mom living with one man but taking stepson along with her on outings with another man. Stepson doesn't know if it is a secret or not, from the men involved but he tells us about it so it must bother him.
We don't agree with the way biomom lives and what she exposes stepson to because then he gets the idea that this kind of behavior is normal and not a problem.
There isn't much that can be done. You can't change biomom. Your fiance could tell biomom of his concerns but then she may take it out on her daughter for telling you guys about things.
It is hard to live with.
Dawn
Dawn
I couldn't agree more. The only thing we can do is set a good example for the kids and show them what a healthy relationship is supposed to be like. Biomom also told my stepdaughter that everyone gets divorced and I really hope she doesn't grow up believeing that.
Kids remember everything, I
Kids remember everything, I am shocked by how much my 5 yr old daughter remembers. All we say and do is remembered. It's difficult at times to not blow up in front of the kids because of the moment you just gotta say it.
Potential marriage killer
My 21yr adult stepson had moved back in with us. It's been almost two months. He broke up with his fiancee and they had a baby together about a year and a half ago. Their break-up has turned into the worse possible nightmare for everyone else. A lot of collateral damage. Our home was relatively peaceful when he moved out the first time. Prior to him moving out the first time, it was a battle then. Him pitting my wife and I against each other, etc... Not obeying our rules, doing whatever he wanted when he wanted. I was so happy when he moved out then, I had hoped it would knock some reality into him and my wife and I could live in peace. He's in our house. He works fulltime, doesn't have his own car. (He was using his fiancee's car while they played house). My garage is packed with his baggage/stuff, it's totally unusuable at this point. My house never stays clean and he hasn't paid anything toward rent. He has a problem with just putting in gas in our cars he uses to get to work. We're also being used as free childcare providers for their baby. The baby virtually lives with us. He doesn't buy food for her, we supply most of it. This poor innocent child is being tossed around like a piece of garbage no one knows what to do with. It all has come to a head recently and I basically blew up in anger and frustration. My wife thinks I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. My SS has basically had a lot of stuff just handed to him w/o having to earn it. He also quit high school. My once peaceful home has been turned into his free hotel. He even had the audacity to have his cousin (in the same situation) crash at our house for a couple nights!!! I told my wife I'm sick of this and don't apreciate being dumped on. Last night there was another big blow up and my SS accused me of calling him all kinds of nasty names, etc.. He's even got my sister-in-law threatening me now. I know my position in this situation is right, but I don't have the backing of my wife. So you know where this will lead. Stepdad/Husband being the ultimate loser who will pay the ultimate price if I don't use some sort of diplomacy. Help!!
I would say that the first
I would say that the first thing you need to do is tell everyone else who is so concerned to mind their own business! I would tell my SIL “if you are so concerned and want to get involved in this situation then you can come and pick up SS, his daughter and all the crap they’ve been storing in my garage and they can all move in with you!” I’m serious…you DO NOT have to discuss your household business with your SIL and she is completely out of order for even approaching you in such a way! You need to get FIRM and tell her and your SS…THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO MAKE DECISIONS IN THIS HOUSE ARE BILL PAYERS, UNTIL BILLS START TO COME HERE IN YOUR NAME, YOU HAVE NO SAY AND I’M NOT GOING TO DISCUSS THE RUNNING OF MY HOUSEHOLD WITH YOU! Is your wife the one who is in school and has not worked for the last 4 years? If so…you have to put your foot down with her as well b/c YOU are the one who has the final say as it relates to financial decisions b/c 1. You are the sole bread winner and 2. you are the man of the house!
Make a GREAT Day!