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1 place in the entire house that is not shared by kids!

Stepmom-Nanny's picture

Submitted by Stepmom-Nanny on Sat, 08/03/2019 - 4:41pm

Maybe it's just me but I have an issue with our kids being in our room. It's fine if you've been invited or sent to go get something. Other than that there is no reason they need to sleep in our room if the other parent is away, they do not need to use any of the products in the bathroom nor our shower. They all have their own beds & rooms & a bathroom they share. I make sure I supply all of their bathroom needs. As long as they tell me what they need. 

I have asked to have one room in the entire home to just be ours. My husband thinks I'm a witch for getting pissed that one of his kids has had their dirty butt in my bed or taken a shower in the bathroom & used my expensive skin care products & my shaver. We agreed they are not to use our area yet when I'm not around those rules don't apply. That's BS! I do not let my kid lay in the bed or shower in our room. I know how to say no. He is a Disneyland dad...I swear! Any advise??

Comments

ntm's picture

Submitted by ntm on Sat, 08/03/2019 - 5:59pm

Kick his a$$ out of the bedroom and make it your own space. Maybe if he wants to share a bed with a kid he can share their room. 

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Sat, 08/03/2019 - 6:34pm

Used your shaver? NASTY. That is a personal use item and should NOT be shared! Bed is nasty too... but, damn, even your shaver?

grace8205's picture

Submitted by grace8205 on Sat, 08/03/2019 - 8:23pm

What are with these Disney Dads. Dh and I agreed the same thing in our and there was an upstairs TV loft the was referred to as the owners retreat. I never had to tell my kid 16 at the time not to go in my room, skid who was 18 at the time had to be told that. As far as the left, skid would park his ass there and I had to get on to Dh a few times and the threat that i would talk skid myself and it might not come out so nicely. 

For the most part skid stayed out unless we went out if town, so I installed a keyed lock on the Master bedroom and lock it up before we left. 

I think adults need there own space especially the master bedroom.  

JerseyGirl1970's picture

Submitted by JerseyGirl1970 on Sun, 08/04/2019 - 5:01am

My husband unfortunately never enforced boundaries with his daughter and many days, I came home from work to find her eating snacks and watching TV in our bedroom even though my husband and I had agreed to no kids in the bedroom previously.

I also had to go all crazy white chick on multiple occasions regarding my husband's daughter using my personal items from the bathroom even though she had her own. She lied, he made excuses for her and I bought anti theft powder online that when it comes in contact with skin stains a deep purple.

It only took one application and she tucked tail and went home to her mother's house where she stayed until she.left for college. 2 years later.

It was very extreme but after years of having to defend what I should not have had to if he parented his child properly, I took care of it myself and have stayed completely disengaged to this day and my life is very peaceful because of it...

 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 08/04/2019 - 5:38am

The problem here, as always, is that your DH cares more about his kids’ needs and wants than yours. He should be respecting your desire to not have them in your bed (gross) or using your stuff without permission, but he doesn’t. 

Perhaps you could move into the guest room and commandeer whatever bathroom they are supposed to use, and let them share a room and bathroom with him. Be sure to get a lock for the bedroom and bathroom that will now be yours, with a key. Seems dramatic but maybe that would drive the point home for him. 

These selfish men make me so grateful for my DH. 

Thisisnotus's picture

Submitted by Thisisnotus on Sun, 08/04/2019 - 6:38am

Girl!!! Same problem here. There are 3 bathrooms in this house and they have to use mine!

this is one of my many hardest things to deal with....I have no personal space no privacy.....

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Sun, 08/04/2019 - 11:42am

Put a key lock on the door. Don't even give DH the key. He doesn't seem to have a problem with shareing with the kids. He can do so perminently. 

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Sun, 08/04/2019 - 7:01am

I had the same problem. Every space, every "thing", including my money and jewelry, was subject to be used/taken/fondled by his kid. One of the many reasons he is a former SO. 

Thisisnotus's picture

Submitted by Thisisnotus on Sun, 08/04/2019 - 8:18am

Yep!!! It is every single thing!! Here it goes beyond that.....SD16 also helps herself to my 2 DDS things when they are not here.....it is non stop. 

Even yesterday we dropped off sd and my dd at the mall.....sd made my dd pay for her food even thought she had her own money.....this is the second time in a month. It’s as if they think everyone owes them.

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Sun, 08/04/2019 - 9:40am

We have three boys and DH at least didn’t have them sleep in the bed. But no part of the house felt like mine so I told DH I wanted to set up a spot for me. That there is room in the bedroom for a small loveseat and table, I’d put a TV there. The second I stopped talking he stated that that would be a great place for him to privately watch movies with each of the skids if they didn’t want to watch in the living room. Shoot me. I lost it on him because this was after a series of him trying to take over things I was trying to do to establish something for myself (not even spaces in the house, charity work!).

 Needless to say I barely use the space and I removed the TV so it wouldn’t encourage the kids to come in.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 08/04/2019 - 9:44am

So when you say to him, "I need a spot in the house that I can go to get away when I need some peace and quiet," he effectively says, "Nope, we are going to use it too?"  

Or are you not that direct about it? I can't imagine my DH just dismissing my feelings that way.

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Sun, 08/04/2019 - 3:43pm

I literally started the conversation with something direct like this: I need a private place, just for me, to have so I can get away and be alone. All that’s available is this area of the bedroom but I’m gonna put in a screen and loveseat...

And this was after me stating I need some alone time, an area that is just mine, and for my things to be my things (he and the skids have no boundaries).

Whatever I say seems only ever heard through an “about me or the skids” filter.