same here..... when bm calls it's never good... she's either bitching about something or wanting something.

I have been finding myself 'drifting' back to my place (secret garden) of wanting to be alone lately.

Walks in the forest, lying in the sun, listening to music (drinking a few glasses) More and more excuses on my part to , "Get out for awhile." because of BM and SS5 taking over our lives it seems. I was not born just for those two creatures.

It is just growing by the day--

I sweat profusely, my muscles tense, and I'm pretty sure I lose some years on my life span when BM contacts us. I empathize, deeply.

Sending you positive vibes

Usually when Wingnut calls dh it is for something completely ridiculous. Every few months he tells her to "knock it the hell off and only call when there is an emergency". She listens until she calls the first time for something actually appropriate and he is cordial (and by cordial, I mean he listens and responds and then says "ok, gotta go" and hangs up - the calls never go more than a few minutes) and then she takes that as an open invite to keep calling. I am convinced she takes any sort of cordial behavior to mean he is "unhappy with svs and must want to work things out". DELUSIONAL.

Anyway, she does call to talk to Creature. She used to call everyday until I let her know in no uncertain terms that if she continued to make negative comments about me to a child who was actually in MY care at the moment, her calls would end. Then she stopped calling all together because "why call if she can't cause trouble, right"? Now dh takes Creature to her everyday before he goes to work, except Friday. So she calls here every Friday to see how school was on Thursday (when she didn't see her for 6 days straight - no calls, now she sees her almost everyday, she has to call). Creature has to stay in a room with either dh and I and if Wingnut steps out of line, the call ends.

She has no power in my home and that fact has been crystal clear to her.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

I completely understand where you are coming from. DH used to have a different ring tone for BM on his cell since she called a lot. It had the same Pavlovian effect on us to where the sound of it triggered anxiety and tension. I know she has a right to talk to SS10 every day and I would never hinder that but whenever she calls, it's like an intrusion into my home, into OUR family life. And when I hear the dreaded sing song voice of SS10 saying, "Mommy wants to talk to you" and DH has to talk to her, I feel even more intruded upon.

Completely understand this one… when it’s getting close to the boys being picked up by their mother the whole house’s demeanor changes… even the flippin cat runs for cover! She’s a very negative individual who says nasty little quips to DH just to get his blood up… she plays pretty nice-nice to my face (I’m almost ten years her senior and even though she’s a foot taller than me I can stare her down with the best of em!) but there’s always fallout after she leaves or calls… it’s likes her very existence casts a spell of gloom on our lives.

Most days we just try not to think about her too much… but she always seems to be the center of our conversations. We’ve jokingly started thinking of Mother Russia like Beatlejuice… if you say her name three times she’s gonna pop up in your face and cause some pretty nasty shit to go down!

Mother Russia…
Mother Russia…
*D’Oh!*

yes I know what you mean when BM calls our house it just irritates me. Exspecially because when she does call my SS runs upstairs to talk to her. I hate that I mean I am assuming he does that in case she asks him something about me so that he can tell her without me hearing it.

We don't have full custody but it still bothers the crap out of me when BM calls! It's amazing that the stepsons never call us when they are with her but either she or they call each other all the time when they are with us! What is so god damn important? It just makes my mood sour!! And then when she calls DH at night on his cell phone when we don't even have the kids annoys me too! Is it that important that it can't wait until tomorrow? Or can't you send an email?

I used to feel this way. DH had her ringtone set as Beethovens "baum baum baum baaauuummmm"... it just set the tone for stress. It has been better since he changed that ring tone. And it helps that they don't talk much. He ignores her calls 90% of the time. Unless he is expecting a call from her, and knows WHY she is calling... he won't answer. Voice mail baby, it's been a marriage saver!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

Not hearing from her is wonderful, but what is even better, is not seeing her at the sport games and practice..:), sometimes it was 3 times a week

Now that SS is not in any sport, I dont have to see her ugly mug glaring at me. I figure I dont have to lay eyes on her till about October.

Now watch me bump into her at the supermarket tonight..ha

I do this too...FH had a different ringtone for BM. He actually recorded SS's (11 years old) voice, pretending to talk like a baby. He said at least then he would feel happy when he heard it.
I freeze, get tense, my senses perk up, I listen closely trying to hear what is being said, and I feel like I am on high alert.
I also find it profusely annoying that he had his son talk like a baby on the message....