SD will be here for Chistmas Eve, rant
And staying part way through Christmas before going back to her BM.
For anyone that has known my previous names, they would know that Christmas, anniversaries and birthdays are the huge blow ups between DH and I. Last year it was so bad he spent Christmas at a friend's house on their couch. It was my bio's first Christmas. We got up and opened gifts and went to church without him and carried on without him like he didn't exist. He did come back later and I had saved one gift for him to open with her. We agreed to never let it get that bad again.
Since that holiday he has been SO MUCH BETTER. He acknowledges anniversaries and participates in birthdays. He actually went shopping this time and has wanted to prepare for the holiday. He actually made plans without me telling him and he hasn't complained about anything. But part of me wonders if he is like this this year because SD is waking up with us versus him picking her up. He had done all the planning before he knew SD was waking up with us so I know its not true but I feel like I'm paranoid and looking for a reason not to trust him. It's been 3 years of blow up, knock down, full blown fights and part of me is in self preservation mode.
We had a minor normal disagreement yesterday. He was sleeping super late and our oldest was upset (she's 20 months). She is jealous over the baby and they both had been tag teaming me. In frustration i yelled at him to get up. He gets up all pissy and yelled back at me. Knowing I had started it I was going to explain myself and apologize but he had already started his 45 minute bathroom ritual. But I had already mentally ran marathons. I had 'told' him to get out the house and how he loved his first one more than these last two and how he was breaking his neck to make sure SD had Christmas gifts but he hadn't even got a rattle for the youngest. I think just typing this has put a lot in perspective for me.
When he was finished with his rituals he apologized and asked to start the day over. And we did. But I didnt even know i had been harboring this pent up 'whatever it is emotion' about this. I don't want to be the reason this Christmas is like last Christmas but I also don't want to continually make concessions to accommodate BS (which none has happened yet but its also not Christmas yet) just to spend holidays together. I think I'm just over reacting to something that might not even happen.
If you've made it this far, thanks for listening. I know I'm everywhere this morning.
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Comments
I think your feelings are all
I think your feelings are all very valid. I don't think it was fair of you to tell your husband he loves SD the most though, that's not fair. I don't know your previous name though to know background.
Your DH still has a few more days to pick up LO something, and I would tell him that. Just because baby won't remember doesn't mean you won't.
I get how you are feeling about DH getting into the holiday spirit just because SD will be waking up at your house. I would feel the same way. DH knows you will take care of your LO's though.
The holidays are so stressful for Skidmas. I bought my 17 month old a lot of stuff over the last two months and DH asked me how much I spent... }:)
Just today he went and shopped for me and is just giving little jerk SS16 cash like he asked for but hasn't pulled out any yet. Eyeroll.....
Morning ritual ....lol. It's so obnoxious right?
I didn't actually say any of
I didn't actually say any of that stuff to him. It just very readily popped up in my head like it was something I had been subconsciously thinking about but hadn't really gave words to.
I apologized for yelling at him. He didn't deserve that first thing in the morning.
I get this, I really do. In
I get this, I really do. In some of my recent comments throughout the forum I have referenced how this will be my good Christmas as the last several were ruined, much like yours. While my DH and his adult son had a part in ruining each one, so did I. I will go so far as to say that I did not feel heard for many years and was blamed for many things that SS set up as a classic narcissist, so I let out my anger knowing it would destroy the day. A bit like saying to DH "if I am not happy, there is NO WAY you will enjoy this day either."
I was emotional...I had drama...I felt it was my way of getting back for all the BS. I was only hurting myself and my peacefulness because my reactions made me look like the crazy woman, just as SS had anticipated.
You have the power to identify these emotions you are having and also understand from where they come. You are the only one who can control them. Every reaction you have to any event will determine your happiness for that moment.
So breathe...know that it takes work to do this but you get so much back. Stop setting up certain expectations that DH may not meet. Let what he does (or not) just be that. If there is an issue, discuss it calmly so that your needs or points are heard. Trust me, no one in my world changed but me and it made all the difference to me getting back some calm. DH and SS are still a circus but since I don't play the game anymore, I hardly notice.
My wish for you is a super happy Merry Christmas
Thank you. I WILL have a
Thank you. I WILL have a happy little Christmas and its going to be awesome. I've been ironing curtains this morning and it's given me a lot to think about.
I hope your Christmas will be
I hope your Christmas will be better this year. I hope you and your DH are able to get through things. I can understand that you get frustrated and need help with the kids whilst DH is sleeping. I think that reaction is natural. It is a good thing that the situation did not escalate too. This is the kind of thing that can happen on any day.
It is sad that for so many people the "skid spectre" hangs over this festive period, making it unpleasant and filled with tension. I really hope that no matter what the reason, you and your family get to experience joy and love with each other this time round - and all of the next ones