SK Weekends and Biokids
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H and I have an infant BD.
SD12 wants nothing to do with me and little to do with her sister. She only interacts with DD when H pushes the issue. We are basically both disengaged from each other.
SD is now insisting to spend more time with H. I don't want to spend my weekends uncomfortable in my own home and I want to spend some of my weekend bonding with DD. I also don't want to make H feel like I don't want DD and SD to have a relationship.
I'm completely confused about how to navigate this. How have you folks managed to deal with a similar situation?
God no. I would have wanted
God no. I would have wanted to do hang with friends more my age. I was a quiet kid who did spend a lot of time with younger kids due to neighborhood families, etc. SD is a lot more social and into her phone (like a normal pre-teen/teen).
I just don't want to cause more friction by leaving the house with DD. I'm not mad at her for not wanting to spend time with me and her sister. I just don't want H to feel like I'm trying to keep them apart, ya know?
Tell DH, "I am leaving to go
Tell DH, "I am leaving to go to park with DD and then heading to the grocery store, I will be back at 6 pm, I was thinking that maybe the girls can spend some one on one time together before dinner and bed time." This does two things, tells him what you are doing and gives the path for him to let his kid know that she will be spending time with her sister and if she doesn't want to do that then guess what, you are now in the clear and he will see if for himself that it isn't that his kid is bad it is just they are too far apart in age.
I am the eldest of 3 by 6 & 8
I am the eldest of 3 by 6 & 8 years. Interestingly my parents rarely asked me to babysit my younger bro (the youngest passed away when I was 8 and he was 10mos)and in fact would hire a sitter for my younger brother. This was great for me when I was in my pre and early teens since I learned guite a bit from the sitters who were there to watch my little brother. }:)
They were of the mind that it was their job to raise their boys and though as the eldest I was expected to protect and engage with my younger sibs it was not my role to raise them or babysit them.
The message both my little bro and I received was that I had already had my turn at the age my brother was at any given time and he would have his chance to be the age I was. Neither of us would be allowed to interfere with the other's chance to be the age we were.
It worked for my parents and my brother and I. We have been best friends since they brought him home from the hospital when I was 6yo. I am his biggest fan and he is mine.
If parents set and demand respectful and close relationships between their children that is what will happen.
Make plans to be out of the
Make plans to be out of the house when she is there, go to the park and bond with your DD while your DH deals with his lovely child.
I agree with DownsouthinTX, they are too far apart in age to expect them to play together. Some people like kids and some people don't and this is the same for kids. While some kids will "mommy up" and play with little kids and others really want nothing to do with them and there is nothing wrong with either way.
She likes kids. She plays
She likes kids. She plays with her cousins and loves being with them. She's just not into DD.
From what we understand she
From what we understand she wants more time with dad, not necessarily more time at Dad's house. She isn't interested in me and DD. I should add - BM is who told H this. DD has never said it herself.
She's spent a total of 2 weekends (and not even full weekends) with us in the past year. This was her choice.
She does this around holiday time. I want him to have his time with her, even if she isn't genuine. I don't want him to feel guilty. I don't want to be Debbie Downer and tell him that it's a ploy, but I also don't want to sit around only to feel like a guest in my own home.
Nope, he just assumed she
Nope, he just assumed she really wanted to spend more time with him.
He's always left the door open for her to be around as much as she wants. She chooses not to. This time he gave her no choice.
Basically. She will spend the
Basically.
She will spend the weekend watching tv or glued to her phone and ignoring everyone else. He never makes plans for just the two of them.
When SS wants to go do
When SS wants to go do something or spend time with just DH I encourage it. Most of the time DH doesn't want to do things without me or Bs but I just tell him "oh SS got all happy faces this week, why don't you surprise him and take him for ice cream. Tell him how proud you are of him." Now if DH suggest we all go do something I usually wander off alone with BS like at the park. Let him have this time with her. Make yourself there but not available. Think of it like this: Up until about age four children don't play together. They play next to each other and occasionally talk to one another while playing their own thing but hardly ever do they interact voluntarily together. Be like that. Play near them but don't involve yourself in what they're doing.
my bio son's dad had a child.
my bio son's dad had a child. They are 7 yrs apart. My bs told me many times that he gets angry when ex brings other son around (all the time) my ex thought they needed to be together as much as possible. But he would take my son to see disney movies (he is 16) the other child is 9. Same goes for when he would take them to Six Flags. There are many rides the 9 yr old could not go on, so my son couldnt go on them. I had to talk to my ex about it and tell him that there should be at least one day of the week where he can just do things one on one with bs. It took him awhile to finally realize that. My son would never say it to his dad. But he would say it to me all the time.
This is what I am feeling is
This is what I am feeling is the end result. A kid who wants to do things that the other kid can't/doesn't want to do. How is that healthy for either of them?
H has A LOT of guilt as he is a CoD as well.
sounds like BM is stirring
sounds like BM is stirring here not SD....
yes the age gap is too big for SD to play with DD, do not push it, just ignore it, stick to the CO and time visiting
and there's no reason why you can't grab DD and leave the house when SD is there... then SD can spend time with Daddy all on their own...