What next?
Hello, I know a lot of you are stepparents seeking the rights to love a child you have loved for a period of time without being pushed aside as if you were nothing.... but what about the child who was pushed aside as if they were nothing? I need advise. I met my soon to be EX 13 years ago. since day one he wanted to love and adopt my daughter as if she was his own. in the 13 years he promised her and myself and adoption to her, 10 of those years we have been married. Recently we filed for divorce, he was in the adoption process and decided to cancel. Now he is alienating her as if she does not matter or didn't exist. We also have a 9 year old son, together, who is angered by his dads constant broken promises and recent change of character. He refuses to allow "MY" daughter visitation rights with him and our son, mental help due to the divorce and alienation, or acknowledge her at all as his own. She is broken is a million pieces and all he can think of is himself and the extra 2-300 he will save, while still collecting for her as a dependent through the military. Step parent balancing is such a grey area in CA, i am righting for her rights as a child and the right to keep a balance. his words seem to be just words, he claims her as his daughter uses the terms "MY CHILDREN" but when it comes down to it says his only responsibility is his son legally... but what about her?? How is this ok? How can someone do this to a child who doesn't know anyone but the two of us as her equal other half's. He held her at 2 months old till now, she will be 13... and claimed her as his own. What am I suppose to say? How do I balance this? What do I say to her? to our son? I am at a loss...what are her rights? There are so many Step parents fighting for the right to keep loving children who are not theirs by blood. How do I balance a heart who is broken by a step parent who just doesn't have one?
- Every child matters's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
He is doing the right
He is doing the right thing.
Once you're divorced, his new wife is not going to want to deal with your daughter. Hell, chances are she won't want to deal with the boy either, but will put up with him because that is his child.
Is it about the money or the
Is it about the money or the relationship?
He has no legal obligation to continue support. The money part is pretty black and white.
As far as having a real relationship - it sounds like he really doesn't give a damn about her. That's sad - but think about it this way - why would you want her to spend time with a man who doesn't give a damn about her.
My brother was very close to his step children as he came into their lives when they were toddlers. When he and their mother divorced they continued (to this day and they are now grown) to have a very close relationship. He paid for their college - because he cared about them and he wanted to. But that's the rare exception.
Your ex does not care about your daughter. The sad truth is that she doesn't matter to him. I do feel sorry for her and hope you get her some help in dealing with this. Best to cut all ties between them so she does not have to face rejection over and over again.
I knew this was going to be
I knew this was going to be BS when I read it.
This man is not gour daughter's father. He has no obligation to her legally. What's you response to this: would you take out a child support order on him for your daughter if he had adopted her?
Why does it even make sense that he would adopt your daughter while y'all are in the process of a divorce? Ask yourself that. It doesn't. Y'all are grtting divorced for a reason. It is better for everyone to cut the ties and not drag it out or bring in these crazy morality clauses to hang on to a marriage that y'all have decided doesn't work. Don't bring the kids in to it. This is you and him.
And is your son mad about the broken promises or are you projecting that on him?
My neighbors now ex DH HAD
My neighbors now ex DH HAD adopted her oldest child when she was a baby--birth father died when baby was one week old. Three children and 14 years later neighbor and ex separated and then divorced.
That scumbag refused to allow his daughter to come over for visitation. The only father she'd ever known. But even though she was legally his child via adoption, he would only do visitation with his bio children.
That clearly tore her up, and she struggled with that rejection for a long time.
I feel for your daughter. She is being rejected by someone she loves. I think getting her into counseling would be advisable.
how awful to feel this
how awful to feel this rejection from someone you thought loved your child as his own. I'm sorry you are going through this. I can't imagine what your daughter must be going through. She is an innocent victim in this. He sounds like a heartless person to reject a child who loves him like a father.