I'm a 51 year old widowed man of 7 years and my fiance is a 51 year old divorced for 6 years. We've been together for four years and living together for almost 2 1/2 years. I have two daughters 17 and 13. She has two daughters 13 and 10. I have mine full time and hers go back and forth. I bought a new home for all of us so there wouldn't be a yours or mine but an ours. They all have their own rooms at both houses.

We've postponed our wedding twice because of two ongoing issues and are now talking of separating or at least living in separate homes.

Issue #1 - Our kids - My oldest don't care for my fiance. She is polite, saying hello and good bye but not much else. They both have expressed how much they miss their mom. (We have had major bereavement counseling...my wife died from cancer) But my oldest carries misplaced resentment towards her. I've talked to her, have had her in additional counseling but she still harbors this resentment. She says my fiance is fake towards her and doesn't think she likes he so shes not going to like her back. My youngest doesn't care for her oldest and doesn't have much to do with her. They are completely different, same age and same school. Mine is outgoing, into sports and has tons of friends. Hers is introverted, socially awkward, prefers acting in plays, has very few friends but has a loving heart. Again have had several conversations of expected behavior of being polite and friendly. My fiance is not happy with our home life and says my kids are difficult to be around. Her kids have asked me to leave their room when I'm talking to them, saying "you can go now". They sometimes run to their mother when they see me coming in to sit down with her to talk or to watch a movie, not letting me sit with her. Note...there are times when everyone is getting along, playing, talking and friendly but often they live as roommates, everyone coming and going in different directions. There are also times when none of them talk. It's a cycle happening every few months. MY fiance has taken trips with just her girls but when I tried to do that with mine, she wonders why we all aren't going as a family. We do take "family" vacations together. I feel its a double standard. My fiance is wanting a relationship with them but her words of expression she uses with me is wearing. I'm aware that the kids did not ask for this and that we created the situation we are in. This is very difficult.

Issue #2 - Our love life - Because and when my fiance is not happy with our home life our love life is in the dumps. We maybe make love twice per month on average, quick and over with most times. It's been this way off and on for two years. Sometimes we go for several weeks without intimacy or affection from her. I try hard during these times to be consistent, attentive and loving but sometimes fail and complain. Occasionally we have sex a two or three times a week for a few weeks then its back to nothing for an extended period of time. Again it's a cycle that happens every few months. We've talked many times about this and she admits our lovemaking is low but she says cant feel sexual when the house is like this. She has told me that sometimes making love is not not important to her and why can't I be happy with the quality and not focus on the quantity. I told her I need both. We had a great and frequent love life until about 6 months after we moved in. Because she has expectations that my kids would love her and that we are not blending well, she says she cant be sexual with me until that is fixed. Note - she is admits that she is starting to have menopause symptoms and is on depression meds...both I'm aware that these both zap sex drive. I've been patient but have growing resentment. She blames me for not being more active in fostering a relationship with hers and mine. I told her that we need to stay focused on our relationship or all this other stuff won't matter if we fall apart. She again told me it's more important for her that the kids and her relationship is going well first. Two different beliefs. It may be a deal breaker.

We both do love and care for each other but this is getting harder. I'm starting to think that love is not enough although I enjoy her friendship and companionship, I miss our love life. My needs are not being met with affection and a healthy love life. Her need for a happy blended family are not being met. She has admitted that she knows my needs are not being met and I should just take care of that myself and that I act like we never have sex. I've been working on the walls that my girls have put up. Their wall surrounds me and they don't like letting others in unless they are true family. All the kids have good hearts but are struggling in different ways which in turn has my fiance and I struggling. We knew this wouldn't be easy, especially with teenage girl hormones. But it's starting to seem like too much work. Her and I been to two different family counselors and they both told her that my girls have been through a tremendous trauma and to be loving, patient and not to take things personally. They've given great suggestions but when it comes time to implementing the suggestions, she says we're not on the page yet and it doesn't happen. I'm starting to wonder if its the meds, menopause, both or just her. She told me her first marriage fell apart because she didn't focus very much on him but instead gave everything to the kids.

My extended family knows a little bit about the blending struggles but not of the other. They have embraced her and her kids, even my late wife's family has welcomed them with open arms. She has no immediate family in the area so that's not an issue. I have hope this can right its course but if this falls apart I've decided not to bring any other woman into their life until they are both out of high school, four more years.